Robert A. Heinlein
Pied Piper
Never been reprint story from astonishing stories Published March 1942
THE Prime Minister--and Field Marshal yler Doctor Groot's secretary was obviously ex-cited.
Doctor Groot did not lift his eyes from the laboratory bench. With a gentle, steady grip he held a; tiny furry animal while he shaved an area on its thigh.
"So? Have them wait."
"But Doctor, it's the-"
"Are they more important than this?" He reached for a hypodermic needle, load-ed and waiting. His little specimen, a field mouse, did not resist the needle.
The secretary started to speak, bit her lip, and withdrew.
The statesman endured the wait some-what better than the soldier. "I don't like this, Excellency," the field marshal grum-bled. "Why should we be kept waiting while our host fiddles around among his stinks and bottles? Mind you, I'm not complaining on my own account; I learned to wait when I was a cadet; but you represent the state."
The Prime Minister twisted around in his chair to face Yler. "Patience, John. What does it matter if we are treated like job-seekers? We must have him to win the war, but does he need us? I doubt it from his viewpoint. Would you and I be here at all-if we were not already beat-en."
The general turned a darker red. "With.
due respect to you, sir, our armies are not yet beaten."
"True. True," the statesman conceded testily, "but they will be in the end. You told me so."
The soldier muttered to himself.
"What," asked his companion, "did you say ?"
"I said I would rather go down in hon-orable defeat."
"Oh, that! Of course you would. All your training is to fight. My anxiety is to win. That is the difference between poli-ticians and soldiers-we know when to give way in order to win. Resign yourself to it; we must have the services of Doctor Groot in order to win this war!"
The soldier's answer was cut short by the secretary appearing to announce that Doctor Groot could now see them. She led the way; the politician followed; the soldier brought up the rear, still fuming. As they entered Groot's study, the doctor was entering it also, from the laboratory door on the far side.
His visitors saw a vigorous elderly man, a little below middle height, stocky and a bit full about the equator. Live, merry eyes peered out of a face appropriate to an old bull ape. This was surmounted by a pink, hairless dome of startling size. He was dressed in dirty linen pajamas and a rubber apron.
"Sit down," he said, waving them to big leather armchairs and seating himself in one, after pushing several books and assorted oddments to the floor to clear the chair. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I was up to my eyes in some research that couldn't wait. But I found the answer to the problem."
The field marshal leaned forward eag-erly. "You've found the weapon, Doc-tor?"
"The weapon?, What weapon? I've found why field mice have herpies. Odd business--- hysteric, just as in humans. I induced a neurosis; they responded by developing herpies. Quite interesting."
The soldier did not conceal his an-noyance. "Field mice! Wasting time with such trifles! Man, don't you know there's a war?"
Groot lifted his shoulders a fraction of an inch. "Field mice; or field marshals, who shall say what is important? To me, all life is important, and interesting,"
The Prime Minister interrupted suave-ly, "No doubt you are right, Doctor, but Field Marshal Yler and I are faced with another problem of paramount impor-tance to us. The sound of battle hardly reaches the quiet of your laboratory, but for us who are charged with the public responsibility of prosecuting the war, there is no escaping it. We have come to you because we are at our wit's end and need the help of your genius. Will you give us that help?"
Groot pushed out his lips. "How can I help? You have hundreds of able re-search men in your laboratories. Why do you think that one old man can help you win a war."
"I am no expert in these things," re-plied the politician, "but I know your reputation. Everywhere among our ex-perts and technical men I hear the same thing: `If only Groot were here, he could do it.' ... `Why isn't Doctor Groot called in on this?' They all seemed convinced that you can solve any problem you put your mind to."
"And what do you wish me to do?"
The Prime Minister turned to the sol-dier. "Tell him, john."
RAPIDLY Yler sketched out the progress of the war; the statistics of men and materials involved, the factors of supply and distribution, the techniques employed in fighting, the types of weapons; the strategical principles.
"So you see that even though we started practically equal in manpower and technical equipment, because of the enemy's greater reserves of capital goods, the tide has swung against us. Under the law of decrements, each battle leaves us worse off than before; the ratio against us has increased."
Groot considered this, then answered.
"And the second differential is even worse, is it not so? The rate of increase of your losses climbs even more rapidly than the losses themselves. And it would seem from your figures that the third dif-ferential, the speed with which the rate is increasing spells disaster-you cannot even hold out until winter."
The field marshal admitted that such was true. "However," he added, "we have dug in and are holding the strategic sit-uation practically static while we try to decide what to do about it. That is where you come in, Doctor; we need some rad-ically new weapon or technique to change the ratio of losses to our favor, or the end is in sight. I can hold this situation to-gether with very little change for six weeks or so. If you can go into your lab-oratory and produce some new and pow-erful weapon of offense in that length of time, you can save the country."
Groot looked at him quizzically. "So? What would you like? An incendiary ray from a portable projector, perhaps? Or how about a bomb that would not cease to explode, but would continue to destroy for days or weeks? Or perhaps you would like a means of disabling their aircraft in midair?"
The soldier nodded eagerly. "That's the idea, Doctor, any of those things. If you can do even one of them, you will be the greatest hero in the history of our country. But can you really give us such weapons?"
Groot nodded casually. "But certainly. Any of those things are obvious possibili-ties. You provide me with the money and help and I can deliver such weapons, or better ones, in fairly short order."
The politician intervened. "Anything you like, Doctor, anything at all. I shall direct the Secretary of the Exchequer to provide you with an unlimited drawing account. Any personnel you require will be ordered to report to you forthwith. Now suppose I leave you two to confer as to the most immediately important work to be done."
He arose and reached for his gloves and hat. "I may say, Doctor, that the re-ward will be commensurate with your service. Your country will not forget."
Groot motioned him back to his chair. "Don't be hasty, my friend. I did not say I would do these things. I said I could."
"Do you mean you might not-"
"In fact, I will not. I see no reason for helping you destroy our neighbor:"
The field marshal was on his feet at once.
"This is treason," he raged. "Excel-lency, permit me to arrest him at once. I'll make him produce-or kill him in the process!"
Groot's tones were soft, mild. "Do you really think a man my age fears death? And let me tell you, my friend, a man with your blood pressure should not get into rages-it is quite likely to bring on a thrombosis, and result in your de-mise." .