“Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” She forked another bite into her mouth. “But it was odd. I feel like I’m closer to you than I am to her.” She looked at Shayla. “Does that make sense? I mean, I feel like I can talk to you all day with no problem. Last night, I felt like I had no idea what to talk to her about except to ask questions.”
Shayla cocked her head as she considered her answer. “Well, we were…are pretty close. Carol is kind of like a mom to you. I know there are a lot of things I don’t talk to my mom about.” She shrugged. “And you saw a lot of her at work. She helps out in the shop. So you sort of had a different relationship with her than me.”
“How do you get to the weekly girls’ days you told me about?”
Shayla frowned. “I don’t understand the question, hon.”
“Your boss lets you?”
Comprehension dawned. “Oh. Sorry. Yes, because I usually work late Wednesdays and Thursdays anyway because Tony’s frequently working late on those days with meetings. So I make it up. And I work at home and on the weekends a lot. He’s a good boss. He lets us have certain things and we’re happier and more productive for it.”
“Do you enjoy being a reporter?”
“I love it. I love working for a magazine instead of a newspaper.” She smiled. “It was one of the things we had in common, the writing. That really drew us together, I think.”
“Is that how we met?”
Laura sensed another one of those missed meanings, a hidden context that escaped her as Shayla smiled a little too widely. “Yeah. You read one of my articles and contacted me and a friendship was born.”
“Which one?”
“Oh, I don’t remember. I’m sorry. It’s been, what, over three years.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
Shayla laughed, a bright sound. “You need to quit apologizing for everything.”
“Can we maybe do the girls’ thing this week? If I’m out of here?”
She nodded. “If you’re feeling up to it. I’ll call everyone and tell them to clear their schedule. I’m sure Clarisse will want to come down, too.”
“Does she bring her kids?”
“No.” She grinned. “She says it’s her mental health time with us.”
“Do any of our other friends have kids? In this group, I mean.”
Her smile faltered just a little. “No. Just Clarisse.”
She wasn’t sure she wanted to ask this question. “Did I want to have kids?” she softly asked. “Did Rob want them?”
“Oh, sweetie.” She stood and leaned over, hugging Laura carefully so as not to make her spill her omelet. “You said you do, one day. So does Rob. You wanted to wait until after the wedding. You weren’t in a hurry to start a family. You always said you wanted to enjoy being with Rob for a while first.”
She stared at her food. “I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
She shrugged, unable to meet her friend’s gaze now. “I can’t even remember most of my own childhood. Have I ever babysat? Changed a diaper? Did I have a good childhood?”
“You’ll be a great mom if you decide you want kids.”
“Do you want kids?”
Shayla pulled her chair closer and sat, but kept a hand resting on Laura’s thigh. “No, Tony and I aren’t having kids. We have cats.”
“You didn’t want them?”
She shrugged. “I really hadn’t made up my mind. I wasn’t even sure I was going to find a guy to spend my life with. He’d had a vasectomy before I ever met him, and he didn’t want kids.”
Shayla looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m happy, and even more important, I’m content. I don’t feel any sense of loss by not having kids. I know some people have an overwhelming desire to be a parent, and some have an overwhelming desire never to be a parent. I was in the middle. It didn’t really matter much to me one way or another.” She let out a little laugh. “I damn sure wasn’t giving Tony up over it.”
Laura pondered that for a moment as she took another couple of bites. She still wanted to talk about the dreams she’d had the night before, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to say anything that might make the one person she really felt connected to as a friend think less of her.
“As long as you’re happy,” she eventually settled on saying.
Shayla’s broad grin said it all. “I am,” she assured her. “Happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
“I hope I get to that point.”
The smile slowly slid from Shayla’s face. “You are. Well, you were. I’m sure you will be again.”
Laura took another bite but didn’t respond. She wished she felt as sure as Shayla.
The neurologist came in a couple of hours later, just before lunch. Laura asked Shayla to stay.
“Well,” he said, “I’m thinking we’ll discharge you sometime tomorrow. I’ll have my PA check in with you, but unless anything else crops up, your MRI looks good. The mild swelling you had at first has completely subsided, compared to the MRI we took when you were admitted. You’re a very lucky woman.”
Laura let out a snort. “I don’t feel very damn lucky.”
His expression softened. “I’m sorry, Laura. I know it’s frustrating—”
“You have no fucking idea what I’m feeling!” she shouted, startling both Shayla and the doctor and making the deputy stick his head inside to check on her. “You have no fucking clue what it’s like to not know who I am or the people around me! So don’t fucking tell me ‘you know’ what I’m feeling, because you don’t.”
The doctor slowly nodded. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what it’s like for you.”
She collapsed back onto her pillows, her ribs aching in protest at the sudden movement. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”
“I saw in your chart that Dr. Simpson consulted with you.”
“Yeah.”
He glanced at Shayla, then back to Laura. “She’s good at what she does. If anyone can help you, she can.”
“Thanks.” She couldn’t roll to her side with her ribs, so she turned her face away from him.
She waited until she heard the room door open and close again to turn back to Shayla. “Did I used to blow my top like that?”
She slowly shook her head. “Not really, but I don’t blame you. I’d probably be a basket case by now. I don’t know how you’re handling it so well.”
“Well?” She wiped at her eyes, determined not to burst into tears for once. “Doesn’t feel like I’m handling it very well from this end.”
Rob stopped by after lunch to see her for a few minutes. They’d brought a patient into the hospital and his partners on the ambulance crew shooed him upstairs while they prepped for their return to the station. When Shayla tried to step out to give them privacy, Laura and Rob both asked her to stay.
“Can you tell him what the doctor said?” Laura mumbled. “Please?” She was too comfortably snuggled against Rob’s side to talk.
Shayla related the information but left out the outburst.
“That’s great!” Rob said. “I’ll tell the captain I need tomorrow off for sure.”
“Tell him the rest,” Laura said.
“What?” he asked.
She heard Shayla sigh before telling Rob about her outburst.
He gently palmed Laura’s cheek. “Honey, look at me.”
She forced her eyes open and wanted to sink into his sweet brown gaze.
“No one blames you for being emotional,” he gently said. “No one. Especially not us, the ones who love you. God knows Tony and Seth had to deal with their fair share of listening to me rant and rave in the parking lot downstairs while you were unconscious.”