You said we were supposed to pretend we didn’t know each other.
Ah, c’mon, man, that was a long time ago. My old lady talked to your old lady in church. Your old lady said you practically don’t talk to nobody anymore. Says you just give everybody real short answers. Or else you don’t say nothing.
Saying nothing, Johnny started walking again.
I guess you probably heard, Billy said. They tried to draft me last year, but I flunked the physical.
I heard something? What?
You didn’t hear about me being 4-F?
Four what?
Four-F. You don’t know what 4-F means?
No.
Well, before you hear some jagoff spreading rumors about me trying to beat the draft, I’m telling ya I flunked the physical. So you’re hearing it right out of the horse’s mouth. Something wrong with my heart. Some kinda murmur or some shit like ’at. So I’m 4-F. Unfit for military service.
That’s what my discharge says. Or maybe it’s duty I ain’t fit for.
Billy threw his head back and laughed hard. He wiped his eyes. That’s rich, he said. That’s really rich. You and me. The same. Unfit.
No. Not the same.
No? How’s come no?
You said I was dumb. You didn’t know why you were friends with anybody dumb as me.
Aw, c’mon, Johnny, forget about that. That was a long time ago.
I remember like it was yesterday.
Aw, hey, man, I’m sorry I ever said anything like ’at, okay? Had it to do over, I would’ve never said it. So we’re straight now, right?
Straight?
You know what I mean. Straight like friends again. Like we used to be. Like in junior high. Ninth grade.
You were in ninth. I was in eighth.
Okay, okay, so you was a year behind me. One year, what’s the difference?
You never talked to me until now.
Ah, hey, you know, the conquering hero comes home, gotta talk to him, you know, that kinda shit.
Ain’t a hero. Didn’t conquer nobody.
Huh? You ain’t? You didn’t? See, right there, that’s what I wanna talk to you about. What’s it feel like, killing somebody? How many Krauts you kill?
None.
None? You didn’t even kill one lousy Kraut? C’mon.
Not one.
C’mon, man, quit jagging me. Fuck were you doing over there?
Collecting garbage.
Collecting garbage?! Git outta here.
That’s what war does. Makes garbage.
And that’s what you were doing, huh? Picking up garbage, emptying cans, crap like ’at?
Johnny nodded.
Aw, quit jagging me, man, come on! This is me here. Billy.
Johnny turned away from the car and continued walking toward the river.
Hey! Where you going? I was just joking around, I didn’t mean nothing.
Johnny kept walking, no faster, no slower.
Billy kept pace with him. Hey! Johnny! Wanna go for a ride?
To where?
Anywhere, nowhere. C’mon, I’ll show you my car. Just got it. Practically brand new. Only got twelve thousand miles on it. Not even that. Eleven nine five oh, to be exact. Bet you’re wondering where I got the money, huh?
No. Ain’t wondering.
You ain’t? I’m gonna tell you anyway. Shit, man, I’m rolling in it. I’m driving a lift truck down the Wheel and Axel. They converted more than half the plant. Half’s still making wheels and axles, the other half’s making artillery shells. One oh five millimeters. Musta seen a lotta them over there, right?
No. I collected garbage.
Uh-huh. If you say so. Well, anyway, I’m getting all the overtime I want. I could work twelve hours every day if I wanted. And you know, everything over forty hours is time and a half. I paid cash for this baby. Only trouble is the gas rationing, you know?
No.
Yeah, well, how would you? They started last year. You’re only allowed to buy so much a week, depending on what kinda job you got. I walk to work, so I’m only allowed, like, five gallons a week. Ain’t much, but I know some guys, know what I mean? For the right price, the right people, whatever you want, you can get it. Hey, where you going? C’mon, get in.
This baby can really go, it’s a V8, you know?
No.
Well where you going anyway?
Oh-high-oh.
Ohio? You mean the river? Fuck you going there for?
To look. Makes me feel...
Makes you feel what?
Quiet.
Quiet?! Billy’s face got pinched and wrinkly, like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. For a long moment, he inched the car forward, not saying anything.
Hey, Johnny! Ho, Johnny! Hold up, man, I wanna ask you something, you know? I’m serious now.
Johnny stopped and looked over his shoulder at Billy.
What was it like, man, huh? I’m serious now. And don’t bullshit me. You know. The war. Last couple guys I knew was over there, I asked them, but I know they was bullshitting me. I could tell, you know. They were trying really hard not to laugh at me. But I’m serious, man. I really wanna know.
Collected garbage.
Aw, come on, man, stop with that garbage shit. I wanna know what it was like. You can tell me.
I can?
Yeah. Cause we’re straight now. Like before.
Nothing’s like before. I collected—
C’mon, Johnny! Man, stop with the garbage shit.
Only person I ever tried to shoot was me.
Huh? You tried to kill yourself? What’d you wanna do that for?
Didn’t wanna collect garbage no more.
Jesus Christ, you got a one-track mind, I’ll say that for ya.
I like sitting on the tracks. I can watch the river.
One-track mind, I said, not railroad tracks. Thought I was gonna learn something talking to you. Turns out I was right all along. You really are fucking dumb.
Johnny stopped walking toward the river. He stepped out into the street. They were where Ella Street’s bricks ran out, where it turned to dirt. Because it hadn’t rained for more than a week, the dirt was a powdery grayish-tan dust. Johnny bent over from the waist.
He lowered his voice and talked evenly, not emphasizing anything. You wanna know? he said. You really wanna know what the war was like? Okay. I’ll tell you. There was garbage. Everywhere. That’s what the war was. Wasn’t like anything. It was just garbage.
Oh, for Christ sake, stop it, willya?! You collected garbage. Maybe that’s all you’re good for. Don’t know why I thought you was gonna give me the straight poop. From now on, it’s gonna be just like before. Pretend you don’t know me.
Johnny turned away from Billy and, stepping through the powdery dust, made his way across the Rox Boys Club baseball field. He walked past third base and through the grass of left field, hearing the cars and trucks humming above him on the McKees Rocks Bridge. He crossed the railroad tracks and slid down the bank of the Ohio to a small outcropping where he could sit and watch the greenish, grayish, brownish river flowing by. He felt better just thinking about how long this river had been flowing past where he was sitting and how much longer it would flow after he was dead. He thought of a song he’d heard one time.
Ol’ man river, ol’ man river, he don’t know nothin’, he don’t say nothin’, he jus’ keeps rolling along.
Thinking those words made him feel even better.
I almost drowned in you once, he said. You damn near kept me down. But you didn’t. Maybe I’d be better off if you had. I don’t know how to think about that. But you got me for sure now. I’m gonna come here and look at you every day it’s not raining or snowing hard. I’ll do most of the talking. Sometimes I talk too much. A little while ago I almost told Billy Pristash a lotta stuff I said I was never gonna tell anybody. But I caught myself in time.
I didn’t tell him, cause he would’ve blabbed everything I told him. But I can tell you. Cause like the song says, you don’t know nothin’, you don’t say nothin’, you jus’ keep rolling along.