As much as she wanted to, needed to, take that next step with him she was frightened. He was a man with experience and expectations and she was.....well, for the lack of a better word, a chicken.
She was fortunate to be the youngest child in the family not only because her grandparents took her in, but because she was able to see from a very young age how her sisters and older cousins were treated by so-called friends and men. Men came and went out of their lives turning them into slobbering idiots. She'd known more than one woman over the years that thought sex meant love to men only to have their heart broken in the end.
It might seem old fashioned, but she only planned on sleeping with one man in her life, the man she would spend the rest of her life with. She dated over the years and handled her "needs" in other ways but never took the chance on any man she'd dated. Since she never fell in love with them it had been easy, but with Jason it was going to be difficult.
She knew without a doubt that she was in love with him and that he at least cared for her deeply, as deeply as a man like him could. Haley had no delusions about what kind of man Jason had been in the past. He'd never had a serious relationship and never cared for any woman he'd been with. Although he had changed a great deal and even matured over the past couple of months she wasn't one of those delusional women who thought she could change a man.
Jason could very well be the person to get her to break the rule of only one man for life, because she knew without a doubt he would never marry her. He might be able to handle an exclusive relationship with her, but for how long? She knew sooner or later he'd get bored and moved onto the next girl. It would hurt like hell, but she knew it was coming.
So, that left her with a very important decision to make. Did she take a chance and give herself to him, hoping her heart wouldn't completely shatter when he moved on, or keep it at the physical level that she was comfortable with?
The only thing stopping her was the regret she knew she would feel a year from now when yet another woman came screaming and banging on her door in the middle of the night.
She watched as Jason finished dressing. The entire time he scowled at her or looked longingly towards the stack of waffles, toast, eggs, bacon and sausage. Of course she cooked this for him, and he knew it on some level, but it was Jason and he took his food seriously. Too seriously, but that was a job for Dr. Phil to work through, not her.
When he finished dressing he threw his bag over his shoulder, grabbed the bottle of syrup and soaked the waffles. He grabbed a fork and the plate and headed for the door, leaving her to roll her eyes and follow him.
While she drove they ate. For every two bites he took he gave her one, which worked for her since it didn't take much to fill her up. Secretly she loved it when they did things like this, especially when he took care of her. It was so sweet. He made sure she was given the best piece of bacon or bite of sausage and always made sure to double dip her bite of waffle into the syrup, knowing how much she liked it.
By the time they pulled into the staff parking lot they had finished and the plate was on the backseat sitting on the large beach towel she put back there for times like this.
They sat there for a moment and watched as buses and cars drove up in front of the building. It occurred to her that she was suddenly nervous. After last night she thought it would be awkward first thing this morning, another reason she left the bed early. Instead they jumped right into their normal relaxed routine. Now that the food was gone and they were sitting here she was really nervous.
Did he regret what they did? Was she about to get the speech that he didn't want anything serious? Would he get pissed when he found out she wouldn't sleep with him like several men before him had? Damn it! What earth shattering thing would he say?
"You've got syrup on your lip."
Okay, not exactly life altering.
She licked her lip. "Is it gone?"
"No."
She wiped her mouth with her fingers. "How about now?"
He sighed. "I see I'm going to have to handle this." He leaned in quickly and brushed his lips against hers. She sucked in a breath as he ran his tongue over her bottom lip.
"So sweet, my little grasshopper," he whispered against her lips. He brushed his lips against hers again. "I know why you left the bed early this morning and why you made sure I had very little time to do anything else but get ready for work."
He pressed another kiss to her lips as he took her hand into his. "I'm sorry for being a jerk last night and almost making the biggest mistake of my life. I was afraid of hurting you. I know what I am and I also know you deserve a guy that can spoil you rotten and take you to all the nice places that you deserve. I-"
"Jason, I don't care about those things," she said softly.
He shook his head stubbornly. "It doesn't mean that you don't deserve them, but if you give me a chance to make up for my past stupidity, and I'm not just talking about with you, I promise that I will do my best to make you happy."
"Jason-"
"I want to try this. You and me, I mean. I know I'll most likely fuck up along the way and you'll want to ring my neck, but I want to try. I'll do my best not to hurt you."
Haley smiled, knowing that was the best she could hope for from him. She appreciated his honesty and knew that if they were going to try to make this work then she had to be honest with him, at least about the extent of their relationship. He might not like being with a woman where sex, well, intercourse wasn't involved.
She gave his hand a small squeeze. "Jason, if we're going to try this then I'd like to take things slow." He frowned. "What I mean is nothing beyond the level we were at last night." She worried her lip between her teeth. "What I mean is no actual sex."
He narrowed his eyes on her. "But, you'll still sleep with me naked and let me do a hundred other naughty things to you?" he asked in a serious tone.
"Yes."
He brushed his lips against hers again and moved back a few inches to look into her eyes. "And you'll still cook for me and call me Master?"
Her lips twitched. "Yes to the cooking and not a chance in hell for the other."
He sighed wearily. "Fine, how about Lord and Master?"
"Uh...no."
"God?"
"Nope."
"My liege?"
"Wait.....no."
He gave her one of his lopsided smiles. "I'll wear you down eventually."
She wasn't so sure he would stick around long enough to make good on that promise, but for the chance to be with him even for a short time she was willing to risk it.
Chapter 15
"I hate this. Why did we have to come here?" she said in a snooty tone as she looked around the large carnival with clear distaste. "If I had known we were coming here I would have stayed home. God, have you ever heard of a restaurant? That's where I should be eating, not something on a stick like some slob." She flipped her long hair over her shoulder.
Jason glanced at Mitch whose jaw was clenched. The man did not look happy and Jason didn't blame him one bit. If he knew she was going to react this way to going to a carnival he never would have suggested it or at the very least not brought her.
Personally, he loved carnivals and theme parks. He couldn't pass one by without stopping in for a fried treat and a few rides. Mitch was the same way, which was why they were here. They came to have a good time. Instead they were stuck listening to this woman bitch and whine. She started as soon as she heard the plans for the evening.
As soon as she found out she put her foot down and demanded a nice restaurant and drinks. She'd been outvoted and offered a ride home. She refused. Jason had no doubt she decided to come along to make their lives a living hell for not jumping to meet her demands.