Because of her.
“Well, let’s just say that my mother also reads Capital Confessions, and she’s furious with me.” Her voice shook a bit, and I couldn’t tell if it was anger or the threat of impending tears that made her falter.
I just wanted to make her smile.
“Come on. Let’s grab coffee and go sit in my office.” I moved around the desk, grateful everyone else had finally cleared out. I nudged her with my shoulder. “I’ll even buy you coffee.”
“I thought we weren’t doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Hanging out, unless it was related to school. Touching.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets, offering her my most innocent expression, one that had never really gotten a lot of use. “I promise to behave and keep my hands to myself at all times. Mouth, too.”
She flushed.
I knew she was right, but at the same time, we’d become friends of sorts. I liked that she could talk to me about things. And more than anything, I wanted to make her feel better.
“You look like you need someone to talk to. You’re having a shit day. Even I’m not enough of a bastard to take advantage of that,” I added.
She hesitated, and then nodded, and followed me out of the room.
Blair
I sat in Gray’s office, waiting while he picked up coffee for us.
I’d thought I’d feel uncomfortable considering how unresolved everything was between us, but I didn’t. Maybe it was the fact that we had shared secrets that made him feel like someone I could confide it. Or maybe it was the concern in his gaze. Either way, here I was.
I turned at the sound of the door closing.
Gray handed me a coffee from the cafe downstairs. I expected him to go to his desk chair, but instead he sat in the seat next to mine, taking a sip from his own coffee. We didn’t speak for a minute or two, the silence strangely calming.
“Better?”
I nodded. “Caffeine solves all ills.”
He laughed. “At least for law students.”
“Law students with finals coming up,” I added with a wince. To say I was terrified about exams would be putting it mildly.
“How are your classes going?”
I took a sip of the coffee, my fourth of the day. We were in that horrible period when professors started cramming material down our throats to make sure we covered everything we needed for the final. Or as Caitlin referred to it, “Why are we still learning things?”
Our last official day of classes was the Friday before Thanksgiving week, and then we had a few reading days, followed by exams the Monday after Thanksgiving.
“The usual. I’ve been going to tutoring and it’s helping a bit. Caitlin, Adam, and I formed a study group at the beginning of the semester. And I pretty much lived in the library over fall break.”
I hadn’t seen him around school; I wondered if he’d gone on vacation or back to Chicago.
He frowned. “Crossword Boy?”
I snorted as I made the connection, the coffee tickling my throat. “Is that what you call him?”
“Among other things,” he muttered.
I remembered the look on his face when Adam had touched me at the carnival.
“I told you I’m not interested in Adam like that.”
“I don’t think he got the hint.”
I shrugged. “He’s not my type.” Not anymore, at least.
A pause filled the air.
“Aren’t you going to ask what my type is?” I prodded.
If he wanted to go there by bringing up Adam, we’d go there. I wasn’t the one who kept taking one step forward and two steps back.
He shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. “You’re incorrigible, aren’t you?”
“I prefer ‘determined.’”
His foot nudged mine. “Stop stalling. What had you so upset earlier?”
I made a face. “Nice job avoiding the topic at hand.”
“I could say the same about you.”
I sighed. “My parents have basically drawn a line in the sand. They’re upset about my relationship with my sister Jackie. They’re pissed about my broken engagement. Angry because my sister Kate is basically done with them. Furious that I didn’t campaign for my father like a good little soldier.”
His eyes narrowed after a beat. “You do realize that the vast majority of that list has nothing to do with you, right?”
I blinked.
“Are you normally responsible for everyone else?”
“No.” I hesitated. “Sort of.”
He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “You should tell them all to fuck off.”
I choked on another sip of coffee.
“I’m serious,” he continued. “None of this is your problem. Your father screwed around and had another child. You’re you, so of course you aren’t going to turn your back on her. And you shouldn’t. Not your fault your fiancé was gay, and they really need to get over that one. And I don’t know anything about your sister, Kate, but I’m guessing she’s an adult.”
“She’s twenty-one.”
“See, not your fucking problem.”
All valid points, but it was hard to ignore twenty-three years of habit.
“So that’s it?”
He nodded. “That’s it.”
“Do you have siblings?”
“Brothers. Assholes.”
“So you wouldn’t stand up for your siblings?”
“My family doesn’t work that way. My older brother, Michael, is in and out of prison. In right now for assault. He calls me once in a while when he needs a recommendation for a good lawyer. My younger brother, Johnny, is a fucking mess. Had a chance to go to college, play basketball, and threw it all away.”
He described a world so different from any I’d ever known. And yet, somehow here he was.
“How did you end up in law school?”
He took another sip of his coffee. “I spent some time in juvie when I was a kid. Stupid shit with a stolen car and my brother, Michael. It scared me straight. Didn’t take for him. I started paying attention in school, working hard. Found out I liked it. Started boxing, liked that, too. Got a scholarship for college. Worked my ass off there. Got into law school.” His voice got tight. “Pissed it all away.”
I reached out and squeezed his fingers, linking my hand with his until they were both resting on his knee. His hand jerked under mine and then stilled. It wasn’t much, but at least he didn’t pull away.
“Have you thought about what you’ll do after this year’s over?” I asked. “You’re teaching in the spring, right?”
“Just a med mal seminar for 3Ls.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think you’ll stay in D.C.?”
“Maybe.”
“Do you miss Chicago?”
He shook his head. “I don’t have a life there anymore. Didn’t have much of a life there to begin with.”
“What about friends?”
“Didn’t have a lot of time for friends. I hung out with people in law school, stayed in touch with a few, but we weren’t super close. I worked nights then.”
“You had a job and still managed to go to school?”
Law school was an entirely different beast when it came to juggling commitments. 1Ls were discouraged from working during the school year—technically “forbidden”—because the workload didn’t really allow for anything other than studying. A few did, but they were in the minority. Some 2Ls and 3Ls worked, but it still wasn’t that common. Law school pretty much consumed everything.
He nodded. “Yeah I’d work, sleep a few hours, go to class, and do it all over again. I studied on breaks during the day.”
Now I felt even more pathetic about how much I struggled.
He squeezed my hand as if he’d read my mind. “You shouldn’t worry about how you measure up. You’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Well, the offer to help is still on the table. Feel free to stop by whenever you have a question. My office hours are on the door. And if you need to meet another time . . .” He hesitated for a second. “Let me see your phone.”