This time, I laughed out loud at her concern; I wasn’t trying to take the piss, I just couldn’t help it. ‘What, you mean like go after them with a shotgun? Nah, I won’t bother. I’ll probably punch the guy’s lights out, the next time I see him. . maybe on Oscars night, that would be good for a story. . but only because it’s expected of me.
‘No, if he wants her, he can have her. Christ, whether he wants her or not, he’s having her; that’s the best revenge I can think of. Next time you talk to her, tell her to get a divorce when she’s down there. I’ll give her a million-and-a-half sterling, without haggling, less if she wants to argue about it.’
Bruce burped contentedly, and barfed a small amount of his mother’s finest down my back.
‘How can you be so calm about it?’ Dawn asked, looking at me as if I was a stranger. . and, at that time, I probably was.
‘Easy.’ I stroked the baby’s head. ‘It’s better now than later, when there might be one of these guys to get hurt by it. Your sister would fuck anything in trousers, love; you must have known that.’
‘My sister? Who, Prim?’
‘Who else?’
‘That’s not fair!’ she protested, showing some Perthshire spirit at last.
‘Maybe not, but it’s true.’
She was right, though, it wasn’t fair. When Prim and I met up, she’d been on the straight and narrow. It was only after the first time I did the dirty on her that she started casting her eye around. After the second time, it was second nature to her, so I wasn’t surprised that she’d gone off with Johnson. What did nark me slightly was that I’d been trying to behave myself. I didn’t like the man I’d become. . no, let’s be honest, the man I realised I’d always been. . and I’d been trying to clean my act up. Well, bugger that for a game of soldiers.
Love is blind, they say. It’s also very stupid at times.
‘Does Miles know about this?’ I asked her. If he had, I’d have been major-league angry with him, for we’d travelled back from Toronto together.
‘No,’ she said at once. I believed her, of course; she couldn’t lie to save her baby’s life. ‘I left a message with the maid, telling him where I was and that I’d be bringing you back for dinner.’
‘Maybe I don’t want dinner,’ I suggested.
‘Oz, you must look after yourself; I couldn’t possibly leave you here to brood on your own.’
The fact is, I hadn’t been thinking about brooding. No, I’d begun to mull over the possibility of calling Carmen Summers, who’d played opposite me in the Toronto movie, and trying my luck there. When it came to it, though, I couldn’t say no to Dawn. You can’t; it’s impossible.
So I agreed. ‘Let me wipe the sick off my shirt and I’ll be with you,’ I said, handing her son back to her. ‘I’ll follow you in the Corvette. . that’s assuming it’s still there. I’ll need to drive back later.’
‘No you won’t,’ she replied, still snuffling a bit. ‘You’re staying with us tonight; just pack a bag and come in my car.’
I almost told her that this was nothing new to me, that I’d lost a wife before, big-time. But that was something else I couldn’t have said to Dawn. It would have been too brutal, even for me. So I simply nodded, and did as I’d been told.
Miles was almost literally pacing the floor when we arrived at their place in Beverley Hills. On the outside it’s every movie megastar’s house you’ve ever dreamed of, but inside it’s part spacious family home and part corporate headquarters. Naturally, Miles being Miles, the floor that he was pacing. . almost literally. . was that of his office, as he caught up on his mail and messages, but he was worried nonetheless.
‘What’s up?’ he asked as soon as we walked in, sounding like an Aussie beer commercial. ‘Where’s Prim?’
The way that his jaw dropped when Dawn told him banished any last suspicion I had that he’d been in the know.
‘That son-of-a-bitch Johnson,’ he barked, when he could speak. ‘He was a fucking hot-dog vendor when I found him, and he’ll be a fucking hot-dog vendor again, when I’m finished with him.’
‘Leave the sad bastard alone,’ I advised him. ‘He’ll have enough to worry about. Please.’
‘If you say so, buddy, but he’ll never work on one of my projects again.’ He looked at me, with those kind eyes of his. ‘But are you all right? Oz, man, I’m really sorry; I was hoping that you two had yourselves sorted out for life. While I was waiting for you here, I thought that something had gone bad with Elanore. This never crossed my mind.’
‘It’s Mum I feel sorry for,’ said Dawn, mournfully. ‘She’s only just got over her cancer scare, and now this. . She’ll take it very badly.’
I had to shake my head at that one. ‘Elanore’ll take it in her stride. Prim’s a force of nature like her, in that respect at least. She can’t be controlled or confined, and your mother knows that. I was wrong for her from the start; we should never have got back together after Jan died.’
‘Of course you should have! You were an ideal couple, two peas from the same pod.’
‘. . Which is exactly why it hasn’t worked.’
Miles laid a brotherly hand on my shoulder. ‘I admire the way you’re taking it, but you don’t have to put on a show for us. You can let it out if you want.’
If I was a better actor I might have summoned up a tear for him, but that was beyond my skills. ‘You know me,’ I said instead, with what I hoped was an appropriately half-hearted grin. ‘Laughing boy Oz; smiling on the outside, crying on the inside. It’s my way.’
I thought to myself that if he had known the whole truth, my acting career might have hit a roadblock right there and then. As it was, he gave a sympathetic nod, and led me through the small kitchen beside his private office, and out to the pool, stopping to pick up a rack of cold beer on the way.
I don’t drink the stuff much any more; I’ve become a wine buff since I bought a fully stocked. . in fact, slightly overstocked. . wine cellar with my Spanish villa. But to please Miles, I took one. . they were Victoria Bitter, imported from Australia. . ripped off the ring pull and swallowed most of it in a gulp. It might have been bitter to an Aussie, but it tasted like damn fine lager to me. I finished it and held out my hand for another; all of a sudden it seemed like a good idea.
After the fourth, I began to realise just how tense I’d really been; and I knew why. It was sheer relief.
I hadn’t really wanted to go back to Prim in the first place; I had only done it because of the leverage it gave me with Miles. Now she and that idiot Johnson had given me the perfect out. As my sympathetic in-law handed me another VB, I decided I’d play the part he wanted.
I took out my handphone, found Prim’s stored number, and keyed it in. As I expected, it rang; she’s embraced cellular technology more keenly than anyone I know.
She must have looked at the readout and known who was calling, for she sounded hesitant as she answered.
‘Bitch!’ I snarled at her. That was enough to end the hesitancy.
‘At least I didn’t screw anyone else on our honeymoon,’ she snapped back.
‘What are you talking about? Of course you did.’
‘Well, yes,’ she conceded, unabashed, ‘okay I did; but only after I found out about you.’
‘Is that what this is about? Do I still owe you?’
‘No,’ she answered, ‘this is different.’
I thought I could hear seagulls in the background, and the sound of other people. ‘Where are you?’ I asked her.
‘Puerto Vallarta.’
‘I know that, but whereabouts?’
‘In a cafe.’
‘Does your drink have ice in it?’
‘Yes. Why do you ask that?’
‘Because I hope it gives you the shits. Is he there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Put him on.’
‘No.’
‘Listen, sooner or later, it’ll happen. Might as well be now.’
‘Okay,’ she murmured, after a while. ‘Nick.’
Johnson tried to sound cool as he took the phone. ‘Oz, buddy, I’m sorry; you have to believe that. But these things happen; we just couldn’t help ourselves.’