2. Wear nose plugs when you are in a private area.
3. Purchase only non-scented cleaning and bathing products.
4. Politely ask those around you to please not wear perfumes or eat heavy smelling foods in your presence.
5. Write your local political representative about the possibility of passing new laws which restrict or prohibit the use of advertisements that smell, such as perfume and cologne flyers or washer and dryer soap samples, that often come in magazines or to private mail boxes.
Appendix VI
Thoughts for the Non-AS Support People
When my daughter was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, her doctors gave me one outstanding piece of counsel. They told me that my husband and I would now become the experts on AS. We, in effect, would stand as her greatest advocates. The truth of their prophecy has been shown virtually every day. The general public is largely uneducated in AS. I have grown to believe that this is the single most damaging element to the AS cause, that is, understanding and acceptance. Without knowledge of the symptoms, outcomes and even confounding attributes, it is nearly impossible for others to recognize and support AS individuals. Education. This is the key, the very accessible key. International, national, regional, state and local Asperger support groups abound (see Appendix VII).
The WWW is a virtual AS classroom, brimming with dozens of sites devoted to AS research, personal stories, medical implications, educational and employment considerations. Even the mass media has begun to embrace the cause by showcasing AS families and persons. Slowly, the world of Asperger’s Syndrome is finding its way to the mainstream mind. With your help, it will get there faster. If one thing is certain in the AS world, it is simply that the diagnosis means different things to different people at different times in their lives. Put another way, AS affects individuals in varying degrees and in varying ways. This reality can make it quite difficult to suggest a pat and foolproof summary of how others can lend effective support. Yet, because support from others is so often extremely instrumental to the complete well-being of an AS person, it seems imperative that something concrete be suggested, even if it serves as only a guideline and never as an absolute. The following guide is an attempt to do just that. It is directed toward anyone who considers themselves a source of support for AS individuals.
Family, spouse and close friends
• Realize the importance of your support, even if the AS person is unaware of it. You will, in many ways, serve as a role model for behavior, a counselor when feelings of confusion and insecurities mingle toward the surface, and a calming influence should things spring out of control.
• Try to find ways to deal with the stress you will face as the main support system. Take time outs, promise yourself opportunities to unwind and relax, seek a mentor or counselor of your own, should you feel it is called for.
• Expect to give only what you can, never taking too much away from your own identity. Try to reach a compromise between the needs of the AS person in your life and your own. For instance, you might relish socializing, while your AS friend might abhor it. You could work out an arrangement that finds you going places with other friends while your AS friend stays at home with a good book or a favorite movie you brought home for her to enjoy. One caveat, try never to make the AS person feel less important because they do not share parts of your identity.
• Understand people cannot snap out of AS traits, instantly leaving behind obsessive compulsive rituals or rigid thinking or literal mindedness. Realize it takes continuing education, behavioral modification training, time and personal experience memories to help people with AS find appropriately effective coping skills. Keep these realities in mind when you begin discussions, particularly heated debates or arguments with an AS person. If you employ logic, concrete and controlled language, specific examples and an objectively open mind, you will be far more likely to keep the channels of communication between you and your AS friend open and meaningful.
• Help the AS person establish a small group of friends who are educated in AS and able and willing to accept the nuances and intricacies of the syndrome. Be confident that AS people normally enjoy friendships, they simply might be confused in knowing how to begin and maintain them.
• Try to help the AS person avoid the kinds of pitfalls that will send them reeling with confusion and consequent dismay. Help them avoid situations that will tax their sensory sensitivities; encourage them to turn their hobbies and interests into both therapeutic and career opportunities; be prepared to help them organize their home lives by assisting them with any number of things such as shopping, housekeeping, child rearing practices, day-to-day chores and responsibilities, wardrobe selections, and society’s expectations.
• Find direct ways to reassure them of your affection and friendship. Share their hobbies, follow their interests, tell them you like listening to their stories, laugh at their jokes, go places with them, in short — enjoy them just like you enjoy other important people in your life.
• Do not condescend or patronize. AS people are not stupid, they are not without wits. They simply view the world through different windows. Try to see the world as they do, and you will likely come away refreshed and renewed.
Educators
• Keep in mind that many AS people lack organizational skills, therefore do not be surprised when they forget assignment due dates, homework, classroom materials, etc. Be as flexible as you possibly can. Try to assist the student by giving him or her visual reminders such as a picture of all the things that should be brought to class each day, a calendar with assignment dates highlighted and marked in bold ink, and notes on brightly colored paper that serve as memos and reminders for the day, week or month. Establish a peer mentor who can be responsible for calling the AS student with reminders and hints on what to bring to class and how to prepare for assignments. And send important notes and dates home to family members who can also make reminder calls.
• Remember that people with AS have problems with abstract and conceptual thinking. Use very concrete examples and explanations, and literal and direct word meanings when you are explaining thoughts that involve high levels of problem solving skills. Suggest tutoring services, if you feel they are necessary, and be certain the student has taken all the prerequisite courses they need before they enter your class. Skipping courses simply to accommodate a class schedule is a terrible idea for the AS person. They need as much background building material as possible.
• Note that odd behaviors can often come as a result of stress. If you see your AS student becoming noticeably upset or engaging in self calming rituals, ask them in private if they might not like to take a few moments away from the classroom to relax or if they need a session with a guidance counselor.
• Be prepared to hear some different kinds of discussions and questions from your AS student. Realize they are not intentionally trying to goad you or act out rude behavior. Know that weak social skills and an honest misunderstanding of the language or logic you might be using could very likely be at the root of these kinds of situations.