“I didn’t want you to know.” The corners of her lips tugged down as she struggled to not fall apart beneath me. My fingers flexed against her flesh, her pulse vibrating underneath. “I thought you would think I was too naïve. It’s embarrassing.”
“Knowing that I’m the only one who will ever be inside you is the best gift you could have ever given me.” My teeth grazed her jaw. “But it’s going to hurt.”
Her body jerked as she held back a sob. “I’m scared.” Shame washed over me as my cock twitched in response to her fear.
“Shh…” I ran my finger over her lips to quiet her as I pressed my mouth against a salty tear that slid over the apple of her cheek. I pushed harder, but I stopped as she tensed. My mouth found hers and she slowly relaxed, getting lost in the moment. I pulled back, pushing my head inside her again, repeating the process until her hips began to rock with mine. I groaned as I pushed farther, my hand grabbing the underside of her thigh and squeezing. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I thrust harder, and she cried out. I growled in response, hating myself for deriving pleasure from her pain. Her arms looped around my neck, and she held my body flush against her own.
“It’s OK, Colin. I can take it.” Her whisper welcoming the darker side of me was all it took for me to lose all self-control.
“Fuck,” I growled as I filled her. She gasped, her grip on me tightening as I held still in order for her body to adjust to mine. I was panting, desperate to come inside her and claim her as mine. That moment was the first time it crossed my mind that we hadn’t used any protection. I’d never had to worry before. The women I had lain with were always on birth control. “Fuck,” I mumbled, not sure I would be able to stop now.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice small and scared as if she had somehow upset me.
“We didn’t use anything,” I panted. “Protection.”
“I…I take the pill. I have since I was sixteen.”
I raised my head to look her in the eye, unable to keep the accusation from my tone. “Why?”
“For…you know…my period. To regulate it.” Her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of rose as embarrassment washed over her.
“Thank fucking God.” I began to move slowly inside her, her thighs squeezing against my hips. As I felt her muscles relax, I began to move faster and push deeper. My fingers tangled in her hair, and my hand curled into a fist. “Fuck,” I moaned as I began to take her the way I had envisioned since that night together at the commune.
I was hard and rough, uninhibited passion. The silver cross necklace I had given her pressed between our bodies, digging into the flesh of my chest. I pressed my lips to hers and fucked her mouth as I did her body. Her pussy tightened and released, milking my cock as her entire body began to vibrate below me.
“I love you. I love you so much,” I repeated the words over and over as she let go, and we both tumbled over the edge of ecstasy together, into the dark abyss of our unknown future.
She winced as I slowly withdrew from her, blood and come smeared over her inner thighs. I loved the idea of her full of my seed, her body secretly carrying around a part of me.
“Don’t move.” I pushed from the bed and made my way into her bathroom. I grabbed a brown washcloth from under the sink and turned on the water, letting it run a few seconds until it grew warm. I dumped some honey-scented body wash from her shower onto the rag and ran it under the water until it lathered up over my fingers.
I quickly ran it over my cock and cleaned the traces of her ascent into womanhood from my body. I tossed it aside and repeated the process so I would be able to clean her as well.
As I walked back to the bed in the dark, the sight of her naked body in the moonlight caused me to begin to harden again. I knew it would be a while before she was able to handle anything more, but it didn’t stop my mind from wandering.
I slid between her legs and slowly pushed them apart. I ran the washrag against her inner thighs, and she looked down at me, a mischievous smile playing on her lips.
“You are so beautiful,” I whispered into the night as I climbed up the bed. “Sit up,” I commanded. She pushed herself up as she watched me with uncertainty, and I knew she had to be sore. I slid behind her, my legs on either side of her body as I lay back against the headboard. I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back against my chest. “Do you hurt?”
She shook her head but didn’t say anything. I slid the warm washcloth down her stomach and between her legs. Her back bowed as the cloth brushed against her sensitive clit. I squeezed the rag, and a few drops of water ran down my fingers and over her as I continued to slowly clean her, my hand moving in circles. Her hips began to push against my hand, and my cock grew harder against her ass.
“Mmm…” I closed my eyes as her hips continued to rotate against me. “Get some rest. You’ll be sore tomorrow.”
Epilogue - Colin
Obsession by definition is a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. It suits what Annie and I had perfectly. Her voice carried the whispers of my subconscious. Her breath gave me new life. Her submission gave me purpose. There must be goodness to counter evil in order to accurately gauge the weight of the sin. She was my hope, my reflection, my everything.
I pressed a kiss to Annie’s forehead before leaving the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her from her sleep. I felt light and relaxed, but I knew I was depleting that from her. I knew I was going to use up her goodness until I drained her dry and there was nothing left. The idea made my stomach turn, but I was like a junkie needing his next hit. Annabel was my drug of choice.
Crave.
Use.
Crave.
Use.
Destroy.
My heart palpitated, skin flushed and my eyes dilated, trying desperately to take in everything that she was. The beginning and end of all things. The logical side of my brain, the small part of my subconscious left sober, knew it was limerence but it didn’t matter. I craved her just the same.
If I could make her happy, keep her safe, I would redeem myself. I ran my hands roughly through my hair, hating the convoluted path my thoughts were taking. I should be happy, but all I felt was worry in the depths of my stomach that I would somehow take this precious flower and crush her in my palm.
Winning her heart was only a victory for myself. I knew that. But I would try. I had to try to rid my mind of the cancerous past so I could give her the future she deserved.
I paced the floor for hours as I struggled to control my inner demons. They should have died along with my father, but I could still feel them clinging to my soul. Love wasn’t an easy fix. It would take time for me to overcome and change, adapt for her. I sat at the dining room table, empty glass in hand that still held a few lingering drops of whiskey. The stairs creaked under Connor’s weight as he cleared his throat.
“I didn’t think you’d be up,” he said as he walked around me and into the kitchen. He returned with a glass and his gaze fell to the nearly empty whiskey bottle. I picked it up and filled out glasses as he sat down at the head of the table.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Death of your father will do that to you.”
I slid his glass to him and he nodded in appreciation. “That was a long time coming. I only wish it was me who pulled the trigger.” I took a drink, my gums long numb.
“To justice finally being served.” He raised his tumbler before drinking back the amber liquid without flinching. I shook my head, anger with no direction consuming me.