I nodded. Nurse Lloyd may be the smartest person I have ever met. And that includes all the geniuses I happen to be best friends with or date.
“Fine. Just let me write you a hall pass,” said Nurse Lloyd.
Which is what she’s doing now.
Do you know what?
NURSE LLOYD IS THE BOMB!!!!!
Note to self: Tell Tina to make Boris buy a new condom before they Do It on Prom Night.Friday, September 11, third-floor stairwell
When I came out of the nurse’s office, Lilly was sitting there in the hallway waiting for me. She had three detention slips in her hand, because hall monitors had come around and found her there and written her up.
But she says she doesn’t care, because she HAD to make sure I was all right. She says she HAD to see me.
Remembering what Nurse Lloyd had said about not keeping things bottled up inside, I told Lilly I HAD to see her, too.
So we escaped up here, where no one will find us, unless someone needs to get to the roof. But the only time anyone needs to go to the roof around here is if some kid from the building next door has thrown his Pikachu or whatever out the window, onto the school’s rooftop, and the custodian or the doorman from next door has to come up here to get it.
Anyway, at first I have to admit I was kind of distant to Lilly, because, hello, she is at least partially responsible for my crying jag. I mean, pens from the palace????
“But people love them,” was her big excuse. “Seriously, Mia, people are, like, keeping them as souvenirs. Not everyone gets to go live in a palace every summer like you do, Mia.”
“That’s not the point.” I can’t believe that, even though Lilly is a genius and all, she needs to have stuff like this explained to her. “The point is that you promised me I wouldn’t have to go through with this.”
Lilly just blinked at me. “When did I say that?”
“LILLY!” I couldn’t believe it. “You swore I wouldn’t end up having to be student council president!”
“I know,” Lilly said. “And you won’t.”
“But you also promised me Lana wouldn’t crush me in a humiliating defeat in front of everyone!”
“I know,” Lilly said. “She won’t.”
“LILLY!” I felt like the top of my head was going to blow off. “If Lana doesn’t beat me, I WILL be president.”
“No, you won’t,” Lilly said. “I will.”
Now it was my turn to blink. “WHAT? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does,” Lilly said, calmly. “See, what’s going to happen is, you’re going to win the election—because you’re a princess, and you’re nice to everyone, and people like you. Then, after a suitable period of time—say, two or three days—you’re going to have to—regretfully, of course—step down from the presidency on account of being too busy with the whole princess thing. That is when I, whom you will have appointed your vice president, will have to assume the mantle of presidential responsibility.” Lilly shrugged. “See? Simple.”
I stared at Lilly, completely dumbfounded.
“Wait a minute. You’re doing all of this just so YOU can be president?”
Lilly nodded.
“But, Lilly…why didn’t you just run, then?”
That’s when something totally unexpected happened. Lilly’s eyes, behind the lenses of her glasses, totally filled up with tears. Next thing I knew, she was having a crying jag of her very own.
“Because there’s no way I could ever win,” she said, with a sob. “Don’t you remember how I got crushed in last year’s election? Nobody likes me. Not the way they like you, Mia. I mean, you may be a baby-licker and all, but people seem to be able to relate to you, even with the whole princess thing. NOBODY can relate to me…maybe because I’m a genius, and that’s intimidating to people, or something. I don’t know why, really. I mean, you would think people would want the smartest leader they could find, but instead, they seem perfectly content to elect total MORONS.”
I tried not to take Lilly’s calling me a moron to heart. After all, she was in the middle of a full-blown personal crisis.
“Lilly,” I said, astonishedly. “I didn’t know you thought of yourself that way. You know. As not popular.”
Lilly looked up from the detention slips she was weeping into.
“Wh-Why w-would I ever consider myself popular?” she stammered, sorrowfully. “Y-You’re the only real friend I’ve got.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “You have lots of friends. Shameeka and Ling Su and Tina—”
Lilly started to cry harder at the mention of Tina’s name. Too late, I remembered Boris, and his new hotness.
“Oh,” I said, patting Lilly on the shoulder. “Sorry. What I meant was…Well, whatever. People DO like you, Lilly. It’s just that sometimes…”
Lilly lifted her tear-stained face.
“Wh-What?” she asked.
“Well,” I said. “Sometimes you’re kind of mean to people. Like me. With the whole baby-licker thing.”
“But you ARE a baby-licker,” Lilly pointed out.
“Yes,” I said. “But, you know, you don’t need to SAY it all the time.”
Lilly rested her chin on her knees.
“I guess not,” she said with a sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
While I had her in a conciliatory mood, I added, “And I don’t like it when you call me POG or PIT, either.”
Lilly looked at me blankly.
“Then what am I supposed to call you?”
“How about just plain Mia?”
Lilly seemed to think about this.
“But…that’s so boring,” she said.
“But it’s my name,” I pointed out.
Lilly sighed again.
“Fine,” she said. “Whatever. You have no idea how good you have it, POG. I mean, Mia.”
“Good? ME? Please!” I practically burst out laughing. “My life is TERRIBLE right now. Did you SEE what Ms. Martinez gave me on my paper?”
Lilly wiped her eyes.
“Well, yeah,” she said. “She WAS a little harsh. But a B isn’t really that bad, Mia. Besides, I saw your dad headed toward her classroom a little while ago. He looked like he was going to read her the riot act.”
“Yeah, but what good is that going to do me?” I wanted to know. “I mean, it’s not going to change her mind about my writing talent…or lack thereof. It’s just going to make her, you know. Scared of my dad.”
Lilly just shook her head.
“Yeah,” she said. “But at least you have a boyfriend.”
“Who’s in COLLEGE,” I reminded her. “And who apparently expects—”
“Oh, please,” Lilly said. “Not that stupid Lana thing again. When are you going to get it through your head that Lana doesn’t know what she’s talking about? I mean, do you see HER dating a college boy?”
“No,” I said. “But—”
“Yeah, well, there might be a REASON for that. And if what it says all over the ladies’ room wall is true, it is NOT because Lana has any reservations about Doing It.”
We both sat there and thought about that for awhile. Then Lilly said, “So, are your mom and Mr. G still going to Indiana for the weekend?”
“Yes,” I said, and then added quickly, “but there isn’t going to be any party at my place, because I’m staying at the Plaza.”
“In your own room?” Lilly asked. When I nodded, she said, “Sweet.” Then she said, “Hey, you should have a slumber party.”
I looked at her like she was crazy.
“At the hotel?”
“Sure,” Lilly said. “It’ll be fun. And we need to work on your debate skills, anyway. We could do a mock run-through. How about it?”
“Well,” I said. “I guess so.”