He coughs, forces a brightness he doesn’t feel into his voice as he says, ‘No, of course I don’t mind. I’ll go and get it now and see you all back at Mum’s, OK?’
‘Thanks,’ she mutters before calling out, ‘Heath, come on, leave your sister alone.’
‘Actually,’ she continues, ‘we’re all wet and cold. We’re going to come now; we’ll be about ten minutes.’
Seb stands. He wants nothing more than for them all to be here, with him, their cheeks pinking by the fire, their eyes smudged with Halloween make-up, smuggling extra sweets into their mouths.
‘OK. I’ll go now and be back just after you.’
There’s more squabbling before Rosie says a curt, ‘Fine,’ into the receiver and disappears.
Seb walks quickly. It’s dark and still raining, so no one recognizes him as he pulls his hood over his head and keeps his eyes on the pavement. Putting his key in the door, stepping over ballet pumps and muddy trainers, breathing in the smell of his family, he feels a great swell rise in him again. It’s something close to sadness but as he pulls his key out of the door, he realizes it’s not sadness but an aching love that fills him. He’d never felt how close the two were before. He wants to linger, to stare for hours at all the photos on the walls, to relive their wedding day, his kids’ births, their holidays on the beach. He feels greedy for the past, wants it all again and again. But it’s gone and he is alone, and he knows they can never be that family laughing so easily again. His phone buzzes with a message from Rosie:
Back at Eva’s, are you coming?
Chapter 20
‘What are you doing here?’ Blake asks as he walks off the floodlit AstroTurf towards his dad.
Eddy shrugs. ‘Thought we could walk home together. It’s been a weird day. Thought it’d be nice.’
Blake narrows his eyes. ‘Is this about those condoms I took from your drawer?’
‘What?’
‘Doesn’t matter. Come on, then.’ Blake takes long strides along the pavement, forcing Eddy to speed up. A power play Eddy recognizes, making him jog every few paces to keep up.
‘How was football?’ Eddy asks, thinking he’ll go in gently before mentioning the events of the day.
‘Fine.’ Blake keeps his eyes fixed on the pavement in front of him. Eddy’s already run out of questions.
‘I noticed you were standing next to Lily in the assembly. Lovely red hair – pretty, isn’t she?’
Blake’s far ahead, but Eddy’s sure his son rolls his eyes.
‘She’s smart, too,’ Blake says, pausing so Eddy can catch up with him. ‘Look, Dad, I’m up for talking to you but I’m not up for pretending that everything is normal, OK? I’ll tell you what’s …’
They’re interrupted because across the road, waiting to cross, is Patrick, waving and shouting, ‘Eddy! Eddy!’
He’s in Lycra jogging bottoms, a water bottle sloshing about in his hand, earbuds curled like mollusc shells around his ears.
‘Hey, Eddy, wait up!’ he shouts.
Eddy reluctantly stops, pointing towards Blake’s retreating back and calling, ‘I can’t, Patrick, I’ll speak to you later, yeah?’
But Patrick is already dashing across the road.
‘Look, mate, I’m actually with Blake now, so …’
‘Oh?’ Patrick looks down the road, but there’s no sign of Blake. He’s turned into one of the residential streets that lead to the park, prepared to take a longer way home to avoid talking to Eddy.
‘Come on, mate, I’ve been trying to get hold of you!’ Patrick puts his palm on Eddy’s back, gently steering him in the direction he wants him to go.
They start walking and Eddy says, ‘I know. Sorry, Patrick, I’ve been kind of preoccupied …’
Patrick nods. ‘Haven’t we all, mate, haven’t we all. Vita said Anna’s been amazing, really clear-sighted throughout the whole thing …’
Next to him, Patrick must feel Eddy flinch because he adds, ‘I mean, live radio probably wasn’t the best plan in retrospect, but that interviewer really pushed poor Anna into a corner, didn’t she? And it’s like Vita’s been saying, our focus shouldn’t be on Anna, really, it should be on the prostitute.’
Eddy turns to look at Patrick. He thinks of Blake, of Lily, and doesn’t like where this is leading, but Patrick smiles a knowing smile and keeps talking. ‘I know, I was confused too at first, but then Vita explained her thinking. She said it’s been awful at the school gates; all the women have become suspicious of each other. The theory is that either the prostitute has come here to blackmail Seb or she’s in some kind of trouble and needs Seb’s help …’
‘Or she – like you and Vita – decided Waverly was a good place to raise her kids …’
But Patrick’s already shaking his head at Eddy. ‘Unlikely, mate. Too much of a coincidence.’
‘Really?’ Eddy says, stopping to look at Patrick. ‘Or is it that Vita and her crew are just loving the scandal so much they don’t want it to end?’
Patrick stops walking, too, and keeps his eyes on Eddy; he can’t believe what he’s hearing. ‘Her crew? You do realize you’re talking about your wife, the woman who started this whole thing …’
Eddy feels his whole body deflate like a balloon because in that moment he realizes that Patrick is right. Anna has put him in this impossible position. She is essentially forcing Eddy to choose between his best friend and her, his wife. Eddy feels himself start to spiral within and, as he falls, he gasps for air and has to put his hands on his knees.
‘Take it easy, Ed, blimey.’
Patrick passes Eddy his water bottle, but Eddy shakes his head.
‘Just getting over something. I’m fine. I’m fine.’ And as he lifts himself back up to stand, Patrick’s watch beeps.
‘Uh-oh, I’ve got to keep moving. Heart rate.’ He waves his wrist in the air and adds, ‘Martin, Rich and I are going for a pint tonight if you fancy talking about all this a bit more.’
Eddy’s about to reply that he’d rather eat glass but Patrick’s already jogging away.
Eddy thinks about walking a bit more on his own to gather himself before going home, but he doesn’t want to risk bumping into anyone else so he feels in his pocket for his keys and looks up at his house, their house. It’s the first year he can remember that Anna hasn’t decorated it like all the other houses. He thinks about walking through the door, imagines Anna inside, curled on the sofa, tapping away at her phone, and he decides that he does need a moment before going in to her. He props himself against the wall, staring at the blank face of his home. He thinks about Anna, and where there used to be a kind of spreading warmth in his chest when he thought about her, there’s just a kind of internal itch, unsettled, unpleasant. His mind fills with Seb and now there’s a new sensation pouring deep in his belly, a dull ache, a kind of umbilical tug towards the friend Eddy’s always loved most.
This afternoon, Eddy had given into temptation and looked at some of the Waverly forums. People had been uploading photos of Seb like spying on him was a new hobby for the whole town. Seb walking, head bowed, down the pavement; Seb pushing his key into his mum’s front door, his face turned towards the camera, eyes bright with shock. Eddy stared close at Seb’s pixilated face and tried to stir up some outrage within himself, to feel whether he could align the comments ‘PERVERT!’ and ‘Abuser!’ and ‘disgusting man’ with the ashen, hollow face of his oldest friend. But he couldn’t. He just saw his friend scared and alone and wished he could climb into those pictures and put his arms around him.
As soon as Eddy opens the door, he hears voices in the kitchen, too many and too female to be his family, and he knows that even here, in their own home, they are not alone.