"…and there is no room in the burg of the Scyldings for the ignorant…"
"…Grendel was proof of that…"
"…he told us over and over and over…"
"…and over and over…"
"…there is no forgiveness…"
"…not for forgetting that…"
"…for lessening the flow and music of God's language…"
"…no forgiveness…"
"…only a new lesson…"
"…a different approach…"
"…God does not reward the lazy…"
"…He does not love the simple-minded…"
"…He does not tolerate the discourteous…"
"…to Him, they are as monsters…"
"…and there is no heaven for monsters…"
"…so lonely…"
"…and how do monsters begin…"
"…they are born first with lazy tongues…"
"…careless grammar…"
"…which makes their voices ugly…"
"…and the songs they sing shrill and tuneless…"
"…and that ugliness spreads to their faces, and then to their souls…"
"…but some of them cannot see it even then…"
"…because the soul of a monster is a tricky thing…"
"…a mischievous thing…"
"…and Grendel would quote something whenever we did not understand what he meant…"
"…over and over and over…"
"…about what monsters would walk the streets…"
"…and over and…"
"…if our faces were as deformed as our souls…"
"…and Grendel would punish those whose speech fell offensive on his ear…"
"…offensive speech deforms not only the soul of the speaker…"
"…but of the listener, as well…"
"…and with each transgression, you would lose a part of your soul…"
"…the part that was hidden in your face…"
"…what monstrosities would walk the streets…"
"…if we lost enough of our souls, then we would understand…"
"…and if we lost enough of our souls…"
"…the part hidden in our faces…"
"…then he would turn to our bodies…"
"…because the monstrosity spreads, you see…"
"…it spreads so fast…"
"…and our souls continued being punished…"
"…terrible punishment…"
"…awful, painful…"
"…lonely…"
"…and if you dared to scream or call out…"
"…so lonely…"
"…if you cried…"
"…if you so much as whimpered…"
"…or even wept…"
"…so lonely…"
"…Grendel's outrage was openly to be seen…"
"Slow down," I said.
"…you did not want Grendel to be angry…"
"…oh, no…"
"…so lonely…"
"…because his anger would not be just yours to suffer…"
"…oh, no, never…"
"…always never…"
"…not ever…"
"…a family suffers together…"
"…if one hurts, you all hurt…"
"…he told us it was only fair…"
"…only just…"
"…only moral…"
"…only honorable…"
I lifted my hands. "Stop it, please."
"…if one of us made a mistake in speech…"
"…or in actions…"
"…then it was all our faults…"
"…our mistake…"
"…and mistakes must be chastised…"
"…only fair, that is what Grendel said…"
"…and so he hurt us…"
"…he hurt us so much…"
"…I still bleed down there…"
"…I still leak…"
"…still feel the burning…"
"…the pieces of skin that are missing…"
"…the taste…"
"…his taste…"
"…all over…"
"…inside…"
"…sometimes his taste was all the food we were allowed…"
"…for days and days…"
"Jesus Christ!" I shouted. "Stop it, please. I can't—"
"…sometimes he would lock us away…"
"…one by one…"
"…lonely…"
"…and leave us in the dark to think about what we had done…"
"…and wonder what he was going to do to us when he brought us back out into the light…"
"…so bright and scary…"
"…I miss my mommy…"
"…I wonder if Dad will remember me…"
"…if they are even still there…"
"…do not want them to have forgotten me…"
"…hurts so much sometimes I just want to die…"
"…scared, I am so scared of the light all the time…"
"…please do not be afraid of us…"
"…do not scream or call out…"
"…it is important…"
"…you have to understand…"
"…we do not want to hurt you…"
"…honest, Mark, we do not…"
"…oh, no…"
"…but this is something we cannot do by ourselves…"
"…not like this…"
"…not the way we are now…"
"…so safe in the dark because Grendel was not there…"
"…because we were discourteous…"
"…we were lazy in speech and manner…"
"…and did not know any better…"
"…until Grendel…"
"…our Eternal Lord Grendel…"
"…taught us what we needed to know…"
"'…Grendel, they called this cruel spirit…'"
"…I hate him…"
"…he came with the coming of night…"
"…oh, God, how I hate him, too…"
"…cut them off…"
"…and I know it is wrong to hate someone like this…"
"…but I do not think he was human…"
"…always lonely…"
"…he just wore a really good mask that made him look that way…"
"…I thought he had a nice face when I met him…"
"…cut them off…"
"…he smiled and told me not to worry…"
"…do not cry…"
"…I will help you find your mommy…"
"…that is what he told me, too…"
"…you do not have to be scared…"
"…he cut them off! HE CUT OFF MY LEGS!" screamed Thomas from his wheelchair, wrenching forward with such anguished force he almost fell face-first onto the floor, but Arnold was there in an instant, grabbing him underneath his arms, steadying Thomas as his body shook, wracked by sobs as he reached up and tore away the mask—
—and revealed his burned, terrible, ruined face.
I did not blink at the sight of him.
I did not look away.
I did not gasp, cry out, groan, or whimper; to have done any of those things would lessen me in his eyes—his eye, his one, perfect, azure-blue eye—and I did not want him to think ill of me; I wanted his understanding, his strength, his respect and blessing: I was looking at a face that had known more pain, horror, and suffering in its few brief years on this earth than any ten people who lived to the age of ninety would ever know or imagine or turn away from when confronted by.
So I did not make a sound; that act, and that act alone, may be the only moment of genuine grace I offered the world in my entire life.
But I did weep; the tears formed instantaneously in my eyes and just as quickly streamed down my face and I did nothing to stop them.
I wouldn't allow myself to.
Because even though all their confusing words were still swimming around in my drug-addled brain, even though I still didn't know for certain what was happening because no one had yet said it outright, even though I was still scared shitless and wishing now I'd never agreed to make the drive down to Kansas, some dimly-lighted corner of my mind was whispering the truth of what I was witnessing but did not want to accept.