“Yeah, I think it would be amazing. There are so many places in the world I want to see, but have only read about in the Reader’s Digest and Discover magazines that Uncle Tom gets me every year.”
“Really?” His face twisted into a frown. “I don’t know much about that stuff.” He paused, thinking to himself. “So what’s one place in the world you’d want to go to the most?”
I looked out across the lake and thought about it. “If I had to pick only one, the one thing I want to see most is an aurora borealis.”
“A roar-what?”
I giggled. “An aurora borealis. Some people call it the Northern Lights.”
“What is that?” He looked at me with interest.
“I’ve only seen pictures but it looks magical. It’s a natural phenomenon that happens in the sky in places that are in high altitudes. I don’t really understand the science behind it, but I have tried to read a lot about it. An aurora borealis occurs at night, and when it happens, the sky is suddenly lit up and filled with bright reds, greens, yellows, and blues across the sky, and they’re swirling around like they’re dancing in a lava lamp. It sounds so cool to me.”
“That does sound really cool.” Jackson looked up into the sky. “So where do you go to see an aurora—the Northern Lights?”
“Aurora borealis. I think there’re a lot of places you can go, like Canada, Alaska, Norway, and Iceland. But the place that I saw in a magazine that looked so cool was this town called Kakslauttanen, Finland.”
“Ka-what?” Jackson stared at me in confusion. “How do you even remember these names or know how to pronounce it?”
I grinned, knowing how much of a nerd I must have sounded to him. “I kept that page of the magazine and have it in my desk in my room. I look at it sometimes when I want to daydream.”
“Oh. So what’s so special about this Kaka-whatever place?”
“Well, from the article I saw, they have a resort there where you stay in these private room-size glass igloos in the middle of a national park, and you can look out from anywhere in your room and watch the Northern Lights overhead as they swirl around all night.” I let out a wistful sigh. “It just sounds so amazing, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, that really sounds cool.”
For several minutes, we sat there next to each other in silence as we looked out onto the lake, enjoying each other’s company without saying a word—it was a level of comfort that I only felt with him.
Then I felt a pang of guilt as I thought about my mom. “I also want to be able to take care of my mom when I grow up.”
“You will,” he assured me with a smile. He turned and met my gaze. Even though it was dark, his emerald eyes seemed to twinkle as he looked at me. Like his smile, they were warm, inviting, genuine. They always seemed to be able to comfort me when I needed it.
“Thanks.” I tried to return his smile.
“So how is she lately?”
I shrugged. It wasn’t something Jackson and I talked about very often—mostly because it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about very often. I missed her and wished things were different, but no matter what I did, I always seemed to feel guilty where she was involved. I felt guilty when I thought about her because I was just reminded that I wasn’t there for her when she was sick. I felt guilty when I tried not to think of her, too, because I felt like a bad daughter for trying to enjoy my life without her.
“She’s about the same,” I finally said. “Aunt Betty says she has rebounds, so she’s been in and out of the places that are supposed to help her.”
“Oh.” I could tell Jackson was uncomfortable when we talked about my mom because I was always sad when we talked about her.
“Aunt Betty said that my mom had to go back to different places to try to get better. And that was why I can’t live with her. The people who made me live with Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom won’t let me move back with my mom until she’s able to get completely better.”
“I see.” Jax looked at me and then looked away. I could tell he wanted to say something but didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He made that same face when I would bring him a lunchbox item that he didn’t really want to eat but didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me. Sometimes he’d eat it anyway to make me happy. Other times, I’d seen him try to throw it away when he didn’t think I was watching.
“What are you thinking?” I finally asked.
“Nothing,” he said quickly.
“No, tell me. Come on.” I pushed out my lips in a pout. “I’m not going to get mad, I promise.”
He looked at me before asking, “Okay, you promise?”
I nodded.
“Well…” He paused. “I like that you don’t live with your mom, and you live with your aunt and uncle.”
I felt a little hurt by his words. “Why would you want my mom to be sick?”
“No,” he said quickly and shook his head. “I don’t want your mom to be sick. I … I just like that you live next door, and not far away from me.” He bowed his head and began to shift uncomfortably. “I would really miss you.”
“Oh.” The hurt I felt moments ago was gone, and a warm feeling across my chest took its place. “I would miss you too, Jax.”
“You would?” His whole face lit up as he met my gaze.
I smiled. “Yeah. Of course. You’re my first and best friend. I would miss hanging out with you.”
“Best friend?” He smiled, but the gleam in his eyes wasn’t there anymore.
“Yes. Best friends forever.” I beamed at him, feeling so lucky to be able to share my secrets with him.
***
November 1994
Ten Years Old
A pair of hands grabbed me from behind, causing me to shriek and drop the pristine Charlotte’s Web book in my hands.
“Happy birthday!” Jax jumped up in front of me with a big grin on his face.
“Thanks,” I said absentmindedly as I quickly bent down to pick up the book. I brushed off some dust and examined it to make sure the corners were not damaged. I let out a sigh of relief; it was still perfect.
“What’s that?” He eyed the brand new book in my hand.
“It’s a birthday gift from my mom.” I ran my hand across the cover and smiled. “It’s a first edition copy of Charlotte’s Web, my favorite book.”
“Oh really? I thought you hadn’t seen her in a while.”
The truth of his words stung.
“Aunt Betty gave it to me this morning before school.”
“Oh.” He scrunched his face. “How do you know it’s from your mom, then?”
“Aunt Betty said so.”
“Oh.” He didn’t say another word, but I knew what he was thinking.
I was thinking the same thing. Did my mom really get me a present? Did she even remember my birthday? Or was this gift really from Aunt Betty and Uncle Tom?
“That’s a nice gift,” Jackson said in a rush of excitement, quickly changing his tune when he noticed the frown on my face. “You love to read so your mom must have really been thinking of you.”
“Yeah.” I flashed him a smile, but a part of me felt sad. I looked back at the book in my hand, and the cover looked a little less glossy and pretty than it had a minute ago. I realized then that I’d never mentioned Charlotte’s Web to my mom before during any of my visits.
“Here’s your lunch.” I pulled a brown paper bag from my opened locker and handed it to Jackson, trying to change the subject.
“Oh. What did Aunt Betty pack today?” Jackson grabbed the bag from my hand and dug into it without waiting another minute.
I shrugged and followed him toward our next class together. “I think she made that roast beef panini you really like.”