I took one of those three minutes showers and got dressed in a hurry. I didn’t want to take a chance on Tony coming back. I made my way to Hive Two where he said he’d be waiting. I didn’t see a soul on my walk there, not even Joie.
I passed through the kitchen area and could smell the coffee. The dining portion reminded me of something I would see in an assisted living or retirement home, more so than a bunker. The tables were set, but they were nice and there were plenty of them.
Tony stood staring at the wall length window slash picture.
“I’m here.” I announced.
“You know it’s gonna be a beautiful day. Look at the sky.” He pointed. “Although I can see a few clouds coming our way, but bet they pass by fast.”
“Tony…”
“This was a really good idea. I suggested a mural, but this was much better. Actually when you look at it, it gives the illusion of not being a hundred feet below ground. The only thing I can’t figure out…” He turned around, arms folded and leaned against the little table that pressed against the wall. “Why this view? What made this one so special? It’s just a field with some small mountains. Realistic and boring, so why?”
I exhaled and stared at it. “Because that was the only view we ever saw on our vacation. When we were first married we didn’t have any money and we used to take his uncle’s camper to the edge of town to Mr. Winter’s farm and park. We couldn’t afford gas to go anywhere or campground fees, and Mr. Winters was pretty cool about it. We were kids.”
“So you know the exact view.”
“Exact. Yeah. That’s the view from the edge of Mr. Winter’s property. He sent someone out there to film it.”
“Why this one though?”
“Another symbolization. Gil always saw beyond that field. Saying there was so much more out there, we just couldn’t see it. Not yet. It was a symbol that there is more beyond the horizon than just what we see.”
“Wow. He picked that? The guy had it bad for you and he was even married to Gwen at the time. And he still had it bad for you.”
“I think we just had this bond.”
“Who ended it?” Quickly, Tony lifted his hand.”I’m sorry. None of my business.”
“No, it’s fine. I did. I loved him, but not the way he loved me. I’ll always love Gil, but he deserved to be happy and be with someone that wanted to be with him, not feel obligated. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
“So you dragged me from my room and I’m here. What now?”
“First,” he lifted a finger. “It’s not a bad thing that you can’t be in that room. Second, you need to get to know everyone. You don’t know a thing about these people. Who they are, what they like or how they can help. You brought them here. This is your house. If it was me, I’d want to know the people staying in my house.”
I laughed at that. “It’s not my house.”
“Yeah, Anna it is. We are here and alive because of you.”
“Where are they?” I asked.
“Working.”
“Working?”
“Everyone is staying busy. They all found jobs.”
“What is my job?”
“Not staying in the queen’s quarters, that’s for sure.”
I shook my head at him.
“This is your ship. You have final say. Run it. Watch it run. Learn each aspect of it so you know it.”
“And your job?”
He winked. “I have your back.”
“I need coffee.”
“It’s behind you,” He pointed. “And I thought we’d start with a tour and talk with everyone today. Staying busy will help. It does, even this soon. You didn’t just lose your son, you lost a part of yourself. When you have a kid young in life, you don’t have a chance to grow up and define yourself. That child ends up growing with you and defining you.”
“That is true. And you are pretty profound and deep, A lot more than your sarcastic nature lets on.”
“I’m sure I showed that side to you when we were dating.” He smirked. “Get your coffee. Let’s do this. It will take your mind off of things.”
I finally turned to get my coffee and spoke as I poured it. “I don’t think it will. It’s easy to say it’ll help, but no offense, you don’t know what I’m dealing with.” I brought my coffee to my lips.
There was silence, then Tony cleared his throat. “I became a father at seventeen years old. My son was born just when I graduated high school.”
Slowly I turned around. Another thing I didn’t know about Tony.
He spoke with his head down, only lifting it occasionally as he spoke. “I thought, you know, I’m gonna do right by my kid. I was gonna prove that being a young father didn’t mean I’d screw up. I joined the service. I didn’t marry his mom, but I was a part of Tony’s life.”
I stood, not moving, as he talked.
“When he graduated, I was at the height of my career and ready to retire. He always wanted to join the service. He got in and man was he an excellent soldier. I was so proud.” Tony clenched his fist. “So proud. It was my last tour, and his second one.” Tony gazed up. “He was twenty. And uh… long story short, we were watching a street, and this little girl, little… little girl. Toddler, not even two, stood in the street crying. I saw it. I saw it in my kid’s face that he was worried about the child. All alone. Everyone radioed, “what do we do?”. As sickening as it was, it was a trap and I knew it. I told them it was a trap. Then my kid, disobeyed my orders and ran to the street and grabbed that baby.”
I watched Tony’s close his eyes and I feared what I’d hear next.
“He had her and he ran. I know what he was thinking. Get the kid, get to safety. I was begging in my mind, run. Run, Tony.” He paused. “Then he was shot. Not once, but several times. He went down. Both he and the kid were shot. I lost it. I… lost it. I wanted to go to him, but I was so emotional, two of my men held me back while a few others went to get Tony. It… it was a trap. As soon as they grabbed him, an IED detonated. And…” He grumbled out. “My life changed from that moment on. His mother couldn’t handle the loss and she killed herself. Me, I couldn’t handle the loss and guilt so I threw myself into my work.”
“I’m so sorry, Tony. Thank you so much for telling me. Your son is the reason you started GSS.”
“He is. I worked to make this world a better place. I couldn’t help him, but I could help others in his name. And you need to do the same. Work, focus. I still think of him every day. Some days it still hurts really bad. But it never hurts as bad as the day it happened. The pain doesn’t go away. It just gets easier to live with it.”
I reached out and placed my hand on his arm and squeezed it.
“Work may not always be the key for everyone,” Tony said. “But having a focus beyond the loss is.”
“Then let’s do this.”
“Let’s do this.”
I finished my coffee. My outlook on the day was less gloomy. Hearing Tony’s words made a difference. I felt horrible about his loss but appreciated the fact that in his attempts to be there and help me, he was speaking not only from his heart, but from experience.
I was ready to take those steps and just like Gil saw beyond that every day view of a field to a greater good, I was bound to see beyond the pain to a greater focus.
28 – TOUR AND BOND
As strange as it seemed, I truly felt I knew Tony better than I did a month earlier when I met him. He had opened up. I wondered if there was more or if he laid it all out.
I finished my coffee and grabbed what looked like a thin cracker. In fact it was a nutrient biscuit.
“Tour and talk,” he said. “Don’t feel like you have to get to know everyone deeply. That will come. Ask one question today to show you want to know and that you care. Because they care.”