“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
All of a sudden there was a giant crashing sound. Mr. Turner—Wade—who’d been holding some giant platter of mash potatoes in his hands, suddenly dropped the food to floor. His eyes were on a new person in the room. For a brief second my heart jumped, thinking Sydney was finally here, but as my eyes focused across the room, I saw the very last person on earth I ever wanted to see. Ben Turner. In the flesh. Alive and well. Standing there with a suitcase in his hands and an old lady carrying a cat by his side.
“Holy mother of shit,” I whispered, my mouth dropping open.
It had been over a year since I’d seen him and he’d changed in the time since. He’d grown a few inches, his once clean-cut hair was longer, shaggier, and he just looked older in general. I guess that was what time did to people. He had an apprehensive look on his face as he surveyed the room and all the faces of his family members.
“Susan!” Wade Turner called, yelling for his wife. She’d stepped into the kitchen with Ellie only a moment ago. “Get out here, please!”
Before even finishing his sentence to Susan, Wade cut across the room, moving toward his son. No words were said. The room was so still and quiet that I could practically hear my own heartbeat. And everyone else’s for that matter. Would Wade shake his son’s hand and accept him back with open, loving arms? Or would he punch his punk son in the face like the asshole desired? I hardly knew what was coming next. Nobody did.
Wade reached his son and wrapped his arms around him in a tight bear-hug. There was a collective sigh in the room. Wade held onto him and held onto him. Susan came out of the kitchen and her reaction was similar, just with a lot more tears. They hugged him. They squeezed him. After a minute or two, the noise in the room picked up. And the party went on. There was a new excitement in the air. People were buzzing about Ben’s arrival, everyone wanting to know how this was even possible. They went to him. They forgot that we’d all held this giant funeral for him—one where people cried and mourned—and they accepted him back into their lives like not a single day had passed. Maybe everyone was so accepting because they were in stock.
Not me though.
I wasn’t so accepting.
I stayed in my seat, observing with Noah and Georgie. I guess this had to happen eventually. Maybe it was better to just get this over with now. Like pulling off a Band-Aid. Then again…maybe a part of me still wanted to kill the kid myself. Thank God, Sydney wasn’t here. You know…she hadn’t told me all the details about whatever relationship they’d once shared. She didn’t drill me about my past with other women, and I didn’t drill her about Ben. But I knew enough to know that she’d cared for him. By faking his death, he’d not only hurt his family, but he’d hurt her. And that was unforgivable in my mind. I’d always hate him for that. Even if she could forgive him, I wouldn’t.
You hurt her, you hurt me. End of the fucking story.
“Well, this is a shocker,” Georgina said, interrupting my ill thoughts by dropping her fork with a clank onto her plate. “When we saw him in LA he said he was never coming home. He said that he never planned for anyone to know he was alive. This is crazy.”
“It’s better now that everyone knows,” Noah told her. “I didn’t like carrying that secret.”
Nathanial walked over to our table. Ellie had disappeared and Nathanial seemed unsettled all of a sudden. Noah stood from his seat and went to see if he was okay.
“This is too much drama for me,” I told Georgie. She was the only one left still sitting at the table with me. “I might head home. Mom and I always watch Christmas Vacation together on Christmas Eve, and I don’t want to keep her waiting for too much longer.”
“Your mom could have come to this.” Georgie gestured to the room. “Who would want to miss this fun?” she joked.
Except, my mom wasn’t into parties or into crowds. My extroverted genes came from my father, not from her. She didn’t mind me leaving her on Christmas Eve for a couple hours to come, but she wasn’t about to join me. “Yeah, I think I’m going to get going.” I stood and pulled my phone from my pocket, ready to text Sydney about my change of plans.
“Oh, thank God,” Georgie huffed. “Sydney’s here.”
I stopped texting mid-sentence. My eyes immediately darted across the room. She was here, and my stomach lodged itself up in my throat.
Oh, fuck.
She was talking to Ben.
The world sort of dropped right out from under my feet.
What if she saw him and all the old feelings she once felt for him came rushing back? It was my biggest fear and my worst nightmare all rolled into one.
* * *
SYDNEY
J ust breathe. Just breathe.
I stepped upstairs onto the second floor of the Turner’s house and into a brightly lit room full of Christmas decorations and well-dressed people. Coming into this situation, I thought it would be Rhett’s open arms that would welcome me upon arrival. I’d just had one hell of a day traveling here and all I’d been looking forward to was seeing him. Instead, I ran smack into Ben.
Ben!
And I nearly had a heart attack because of it. Seeing him was so…unexpected. Maybe even unwelcome. I wasn’t sure. It was weird. How? Why was he here?
“Hi, Sydney,” he said to me. “You’re here.”
“Um. Yeah. I’m here.” My eyes scanned for Rhett. He was also here. He was across the room in a nice button-up shirt with Georgina and they were both watching me. I gave him a small wave—which both Rhett and Georgina responded to. She seemed happy to see me. But I couldn’t really read Rhett’s expression. His face was blank…pale even.
“I heard you were in LA too…when the others were there last month,” Ben commented, bringing my attention back to the current conversation. He looked so different. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.
“I was,” I responded.
“You could have come to see me when the others did. It would have been fine.”
I hugged my winter coat a little closer to my body. I had a chill even though we were inside. “It didn’t feel right at the time.” It still didn’t feel right.
“Can we talk privately for a minute?” He glanced around him. We had about twelve ears listening to our conversation, including his little sister Rose who could not take her eyes off of us.
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
Ben grabbed my hand in his and pulled me away from the room. There was a study off the living room with glass double doors and walls of books—that was where he took me. I wasn’t necessarily comfortable holding his hand, and I tugged my hand away from his just as he started to close the double doors. Okay…if I wasn’t feeling it before, now I certainly was feeling uncomfortable.
Ben sat on the edge of his father’s (or possibly his mother’s) desk. “I feel like I have so much to say to you. I’m not sure where to even start.”
“You really don’t have to say anything.”
“But I do.” He took a long breath and stood up from the desk. At this point, my heart was racing. I didn’t know what this was about. By essentially faking his own death, he’d sent a pretty clear message that he didn’t see a future between us. And I was okay with that. I’d moved on from that. I had Rhett. I was over the past. And in a way grateful for the past since it had led me to my current relationship.
“I want to apologize,” Ben started. “I have a lot of people to apologize to, but I wanted to start with you. You know…that summer…I knew how you felt about me, how you’d always felt about me. And the moment you walked into that community college class, I took advantage of your feelings. I needed a friend, pretty desperately at the time, and I think you were equally desperate for my attention.”