Dispatch Thirty-second
Begins here thirty-second account of operative me, agent number 67, seated amid sleeping vault of host sister. This today, following daily instruction XXXXXX. High School. During host mother sojourn so interrogate confined host father at XXXXXX. Federal Building. During host brother engaged practice sport XXXXXX.
This today, no happy tiny tremble shiver house. No happiness missile craft shiver within liquid depths host mother basement. No battery shaking own innards. For official record, residence host family Cedar vacant but for stealth cat sister and this agent.
Current now, sister perch adjacent work surface, gripping solder iron. Conduct for explore dead corpse of killer science fair phallus. Scraping aside melted plastic, carbon black charred circuitry. Investigate possible reason catastrophic malfunction such phallus endangering all bystander. Curving sinew spiraling tail white smoke rise out tip solder iron, smoke drawing pattern in air.
Sister analyze possible why prized project rejected top award local science fair. Killer phallus autopsy.
Host sister drip and draw in melted lead, breathing snake tail of smoke. Say, “Well, Pygmy…” No look eye except upon postmortem phallus, say, “Maybe the whole world loves you, but I sure don’t.”
Ear of operative me, steady consume sister word, only no able decipher. This agent sit balanced edge on host sister bed, mattress pile with blanket, many animals of brown weave. Animal all smile. Brown animal clench string bound to floating bladder inflated helium.
Mouths of operative me, say, “Define?”
Silly animal.
Cat sister squint eye at heat, molten solder liquid lead atop work surface, say, “You messed with my project, didn’t you?”
In secret, inner voice operative me recite periodic table, say, Aluminum, antimony, angora…
Veiled within smoke, haloed and misted pale smoke of hot metal, sister face say, “You turned traitor on me.” Say, “When I trained you as a spy…” Wielding glowing hot wand, sister face say nothing. Silent. Nose vent metal smoke. Acrid. Mouth say, “And you sabotaged my science fair project.”
This agent within skull reciting, Argon, arsenic, Ann Arbor…
Next now, in breathe snaking white smoke, cat sister say nothing. No say anything. Await response.
“Imperative,” say this agent, aloud say, “Sister must no attend finals National Science Fair.” Say, “Imperiled there.” Say, “Much total dangerous.”
Face tilted within floating path, curve corkscrew white threads smoke, host sister say, “Why should I believe you now?” Say, “All you ever do is tell lies.”
Quote this agent glorious revolutionary, heroic figurehead Eugene Debs, say, ‘“Progress is born of agitation. It is agitation or stagnation.’”
Eye blink against white smoke, cat sister say, “Real smarts begin when you quit quoting other people…”
Thinking machine operative me recite, Zinc, zirconium, Zoloft…
This agent request source such profound statement.
“Who am I quoting?” say cat sister. Bunch shoulders at own ears, making shrugged, say, “I guess I’m quoting myself…”
Hand of this agent rise, all finger made straight as for pledge. Lips operative me say, “Team Cedar?”
Sister no make slap hands. Next then, host cat sister parry, thrust burning point of soldering iron, brandish so threaten contact this agent with sharpen fire-color tip. Burning heat. So menacing, host sister say, “Now get the fuck out of my room.”
Dispatch Thirty-third
Begins here thirty-third account of operative me, agent number 67, upon foray retail outlet Wal-Mart for purchase provisions National Science Fair. Fresh inner pants, paste of teeth, hair comb, supplies required purpose of travel airplane flight XXXXXX. Journey so housed corrupt luxury hotel XXXXXX. Hatch wide distribution deadly neurotoxin XXXXXX, instant kill American millions, likely in addition Tibor, Mang, Ling, all fellow operative—including operative me. Likely additional martyr Magda, burdened with fetus. Accomplish lifetime mission Operation Havoc.
Solely no murder cat sister, host sister. Best beloved despite recent loathing that sister for this agent. Operative me shall die same manner as Trevor Stonefield—adoring only no adored.
Alone. No beloved. Appareled fresh inner pants.
Magic quiet door go sideways, disappear inside wall to open path from outside. Doors slide gone until reveal inside stand old slave woman appareled with red tunic, Doris Lilly. Ancient sentinel rest gray cloud eye on operative me, roll eye from hair and down this agent, say, voice like old parrot, say, “Welcome to Wal-Mart.” Say, “Comrade.”
Inquires this agent, face operative me designed into pleasing eye contact. This agent say, “Much venerate ancient mother… where sold here sterile inner—”
Next now, halt. Thinking machine operative me fixed upon word comrade.
Face of ancient mummify bound in dying skin, clouded eye only look, no blink.
Same now, voice say, “Hey, Pyg man.” From elsewhere nearby, male voice say, “Can I talk to you?”
Ancient parrot, sag skin jump with smile. Edge smear of red wax slice open as mouth, wax smile spread so reveal prosthetic teeth, say, “Good luck at the National Science Fair…”
Male voice revealed as pig dog brother. On breath, the stink of Ritalin. The pollution stench of model airplane adhesive and frequent masturbations. Host brother brandish sheet white paper, sheet revealed as envelope. Fingers pig dog pluck envelope so open, extract paper colored white. Standard-size letter. Say, “You got a minute?”
Envelope delivered hand of female Stonefield, amid burial rites devil Tony.
Hand operative me aware folded newsprint photograph within trouser this agent. Aware vial neurotoxin purloined office of arrested host father. Allowing single inhale, able murder host brother. Murder Doris Lilly. Resolve all mysteries and possible conflict.
Aware molar tooth this agent, filled hollow with deadly cyanide. Forever so able resolve this agent utilizing single bite.
En route, approached operative Tibor, that agent bestowing thick stack, vast quantity paper American currency upon operative me. Serious mass load many notes one, five, twenty-dollar bills.
For official record, allow pig dog brother lead this agent making small parade. Stride passing location clear-yellow bully brutalize host brother. Stride past table numerous shoe for purchase. Tennis shoe, track shoe, bowling shoe. Wrestling shoe. Basketball shoe. Cross-training shoe. Arriving shelves burdened cologne of Listerine, host brother halt, make eyes sideways one direction, sideways other direction. No fellow citizen present as witness. Next then, happen upon former gentleman delegate Tanzania, occasion catalyst vast smile, delegate say, “Pyg-ster!” Say, “Hey, good buddy!”
Next then, stumble upon Madam Butter Bags. Esteemed madam bat flirt eye, say squeal, “Pygmy!” Say, “Wow about that science fair thing!”
Upon occasion alone, isolated amid empty aisle accompanied solely host brother, hands host brother open paper sheet. Fingers vibrating. Trembling. Voice of pig dog in additional trembling, say, “I need to read you something Mrs. Stonefield gave me…”
In response this agent could offer instruct pig brother, paw-raw, pounce Clawing Cougar.
Eyes pig dog darting evasive, no connecting eyes this agent. English alphabet letters, written by hand alongside of envelope, written, “For Pygmy.”
Negotiate could be operative me train host brother, slash-crash, execute perfect exact Tearing Tiger.
That now, approached operative Tanek for deliver that agent large volume, serious bulk additional American monetary notes.
Pig brother eyes fixed upon letter sheet, say, read say, “‘Dear Pygmy…’”
This agent offer, could be teach brother, claw-craw, Pawing Panther. After able instant quick kill all enemy.
‘“Dear Pygmy,’” repeat say host brother, ‘“Probably I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, because if you’re reading my letter then I’ve got to be dead.’”