Miara’s voice rang sharply. “You forget yourself, Talon. It’s not your place to assign imprisonment. Our laws shepherd the way, and as the judiciate, I can say that she is free to go. She is not a citizen of this world and has done nothing wrong.”
“Miara!” Talon scowled down at her, his expression so reminiscent of Ryder that my heart ached just seeing it. He was just another lost, angry male.
“You’re wrong, Talon. In this you are wrong. She put her own life in jeopardy to save our people. Be at peace. Come. Let’s give them a few moments to collect themselves.” Miara led the way out with the young soldier following. Talon exited reluctantly. A look of disdain shadowed his face.
Ryder didn’t wait long. Breathing heavily, his face flushed with rage, a crazed look in his eyes, he beheld me from a distant place and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know,” I cried insistently through my tears. Letting him see the truth of my heart and mind, I opened to him completely. I wanted him to stop hurting. He’d hurt enough. We’d all hurt enough.
“How could you not know?” Disbelief punctuated his words. “How could you live for more than twenty years and not know where you come from?”
Desperation edged my voice as I laid heart bare and explained. “I don’t know anything about my father. My mother never told me. She left before I could ask her. My aunt doesn’t know. My grandmother is dead. There is no one who can tell me. I c-care about y-you, Ryder. I w-would never lie to you!”
“I know you wouldn’t lie,” he said heavily, standing with his hands braced on hips, his shoulders so broad and strong, the sight of him achingly familiar in that stance. His anger was draining, but the moment was a ten-ton weight on his back.
“Then what’s wrong? I thought this was...precious...to you.” My breath hitched on the word as my throat choked, unable to finish the painful thought that maybe I was just now too flawed for that to be true anymore. He’d overridden my defenses and made me crave his care and the feeling that I was connected to this life in wonderful ways.
“That’s not the point.”
“Not the point? What is the point? I’m the same person I was last night and this morning. I’m that s-same p-person that you found to b-be precious. Please, Ryder, listen to me! Hear me!”
I was begging for love. Pleading, just the way I would go to bed at night, crying into my pillow, wishing for my mother to come back. And here I was, at it again! Wasn’t that what this was? It was me being pathetic and small, needing someone, and having that important person turn me away again. My spirit was being crushed, just as I’d known it would happen.
He didn’t respond, and instead turned away. He was rejecting me. My mind cried in protest, wanting to keen with the perfect grief that was wrapping around my heart, but I held it in as the silence stretched between us.
“All my life I have hated the Brausa. I’ve imagined killing them all, torturing them slowly with joy in my heart for all the pain they’ve caused, and to find that you are one? Brausiians are the enemy, Taylor.”
“No...” That statement had sounded so final.
“All my life I’ve sworn vengeance for my people, my parents and my sister. Brausiian animals ravaged her! She was a sweet...child!” His voice broke in memory.
“I know this. I saw it.” I thought of Asily sitting on the blanket and knew that I needed to give that to him.
“What?” He looked to me sharply. “How could you know?”
“I went with you into your dreams last night. I followed you into the grassland to find Asily. I took you to her on the Gods’ plane.”
“How... You followed me? What gave you the right?” he thundered. “Why would you do this to me? That was none of your business! You had no right!”
“She called to me! She wanted me to bring you there! She wanted you to see the truth.”
He bit off a curse and took several deep breaths. “How can that be?” he asked almost fearfully, his green eyes searching mine.
“They blamed you. It was wrong. You knew it then, and you know it now. You protect your family from the truth, hiding it away, even from yourself, but it makes you boil with resentment. They blame you and you allow it. There is no blame! This was the path she was meant to walk! I’ll show you.” Asily’s energy touched mine, letting me know she was encouraging this. It was time for Ryder to forgive himself.
Closing my eyes, I brought forth the woodland scene where Asily was smiling while sewing dolls’ clothes for her little sister, and Ryder was hiding, unable to shoulder the weight of everyone’s pain, his young voice confessing that he was no longer liked by his father. I pictured Asily giving him hugs, smiling her mischievous smile, telling him she was fine and that this was all part of a larger plan.
“No.” Ryder closed his eyes, his head tilting back as the images slid across his mind.
“She called to me and I answered. She wanted you to stop torturing yourself.”
“Taylor.”
“Your family has torn itself apart with grief. That’s what hurts her.”
“No,” Ryder whispered gruffly. He turned away, his head hung with emotion. “You took me to her. I saw her. She was beautiful. I...remember.”
“She wanted your family to heal.”
When he turned back, his eyes were bright with moisture but gave nothing else away. There was nothing he could say.
“I’ll take you home.”
Home? This was it? Brief hope had sprung in a secret place in my soul that giving Asily back to him would change things, make him see that I was still...me. It hadn’t. I was his enemy.
The anger, the hot feeling of betrayal, was surprising. I’d done nothing wrong. I’d put myself out there, ripped open my heart to show him my sincerity, and it hadn’t mattered. I didn’t really matter. That was the bottom line.
I closed my shop, reinforced my mental walls and let my head drop. There was nothing more to say.
Yes. It was time to go home.
After all, I was part animal to him now.
You know there is more left to do?
“I know, Dreya,” I whispered. “It seems there is always more to do. Please be safe. Goodbye.”
We’ll meet again, love. Hold on to your strength and courage. You received those traits from both your mother and your father.
A dry sob threatened. In a choked voice I said, “Thank you.”
With new resolve, I bent to pick up my mother’s charms. They were truly precious to me. The thought of leaving even one behind was abhorrent, but I knew I wouldn’t find them all.
After a moment of watching me crawl, Ryder bent to help, and I snarled at him, “Don’t touch her things,” which caught him by surprise. I grabbed what I could see immediately and held the charms tightly to my heart as I stood.
“Taylor...” Ryder looked at me but was unable to speak.
“Take me home,” I said coldly.
Chapter Sixteen
And though I was heading back from another planet, which was weird enough to be able to say, my surreal, wild ride was not yet coming to a halt.
First, I tried to request Cynthia for the ride back, but Ryder insisted on taking responsibility for me, which was all he said to me as I gathered my clothing and my purse, not wanting to leave anything of me behind. I even offered to give him the blasted mylunate off my toe, but with a carefully blank face, he just looked at me in silence and told me to hold on to it, given the danger of the situation I was in. The transfer itself was less dramatic, as I was expecting the strange suffocating sensations. I worked hard to remain passive in his strong arms as he clasped me during the process.
I thought I might have felt a whisper of his lips on top of my head, but I figured it was just fanciful thinking, and because thinking about never being close to Ryder again was making my lungs seize and my body want to expel the ball of hurt through a crying jag, I had to push it all away. No way was I going to give him that. Not again.