“I wanted to do something to show my appreciation of you guys letting me crash here. I really try not to impose on anyone for anything, you know? Can I get you something to drink? That was something I forgot to pick up.”
I was talking too quickly, and too brightly, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. The wait was building back the stress I’d just released. I could sense a big blowup coming. My aunt and my grandmother had been pros at stringing me up for something or nothing, depending on the kind of day they were having and whether or not they needed stress relief, which usually looked like unleashing tirades at me or put-downs against me, my mother or both of us simultaneously. So many times I wished I could have been wherever she was, not at all blaming her for not wanting to be around, though I missed her terribly.
There had never been a kind or caring moment with my grandmother or my aunt, almost literally, which was why I eventually learned how to shut down emotionally when they started in on me. I spent years feeling like a roach in the kitchen, feelings hurt, dejected, yada, yada, yada. Stupid, thoughtless girl. Think you’re better than the rest of us because you’re pretty? Just like your mother, not caring about anyone but yourself, I heard too many times to count. It all went into the do-not-open box in my brain.
I wouldn’t be able to do that with Ryder. He meant something to me. I’d let him in. He knew too much. It was really going to hurt when things went down tonight. This was so not a good idea. I knew better! Maybe I could leave before he arrived?
Coward! I heard myself say reproachfully. You aren’t a child anymore. Stop hiding! Be the strong woman you want to be.
“There are water bottles in the fridge, if you wouldn’t mind.” Sy’s gray eyes were somberly watching me. Funny how his whole flirtatious persona was gone. He was very chameleon-like, and not as innocuous as he might want everyone to perceive him to be. I could see how he would be great at covert work. No one would think anything other than “surfer guy” if they were hanging out with him.
“I’ll get you one.” I went to the fridge and opened it, finding it full of all kinds of food fixings, which seemed to be mocking me. There was enough food to make several meals for multiple people. Grabbing a water bottle from the side door, I set it on the table next to Sy and took a seat across from him, awkwardly silent, not knowing what to do with myself.
“Thanks.” He took a deep swallow.
The table itself was rustic looking, made of some kind of distressed wood, and my fingers lightly traced the nooks and crevices. Shit, shit, shit. The food I’d just eaten was now sitting heavily at the bottom of my stomach. I could feel it burning a hole in my gut. And the silence was starting to get on my nerves. I tried to think of something to say, some light conversation that would keep my mind occupied.
“So how long have you known Ryder?”
“About ten, twelve years. Since he saved my ass from a beating I didn’t deserve.”
“What happened?”
“When I was about twenty, a dumb girl was trying to make her boyfriend jealous and came on to me. I didn’t realize she was playing me until I found myself surrounded by three guys who were drunk and wanting to beat my face in. Ryder, who wasn’t much older than I was at the time, had seen the whole thing. He tried to talk the guys down, but they weren’t having it. They threw the first punch, but then Ryder and I cleaned up.”
I thought about the guy at the club who’d tried to make a grab for my ass. “I’ve seen him take someone out before. He can be ruthless.”
“Ryder’s a good guy to have on your side. He’s a guy who doesn’t put up with bullshit. Never has.”
I nodded, seeing the truth of those words.
“Listen, Taylor.” Sy grabbed one of the napkins from the takeout bag and ran it over his mouth. “Ryder’s intense, and he can maybe seem overwhelming, but he’s the best guy I know. He’s real. What you see is what you get, and he’s loyal to a fault. He lives his beliefs, and just so you know, he’s not a big ladies’ man who goes out trolling for women. He doesn’t ever bring women back here. You’re the first.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, taking a deep breath. Hearing Sy defend him was helping calm the churning, emotional roller coaster my brain was taking me on.
“I don’t know. What do you think it means?” He challenged me with a firm, unrelenting stare.
“I don’t know! I know he’s had me under surveillance for a while.”
“Six months.”
“You were in on this investigation too?”
“From the beginning, until he decided to make a move to get closer to you, and he needed to be more covert.”
“Sy, a lot’s gone down that you don’t know about.” A lot I didn’t want to have to talk about just yet. “I know this doesn’t really mean anything to him in a personal way. He’s just worried about me. He wants to catch Frank and whoever is helping Frank with this mylunate terrorism.”
“So you don’t have any feelings for him?”
“I’m not saying that...” I looked down at my hands, surprised to find them nervously shredding a napkin. Memories of the passion we’d shared on Te’re rose to mind, and I remembered riding him, panting and moaning at the same time that my entire body was strung with need and hunger. I came apart to the sound of him shouting his pleasure, our bodies slick with sweat, heat and triumph.
“Christ, Taylor, have a little mercy here.” Sy shifted in his seat uncomfortably.
“What?” I blinked, coming back to the moment a bit flushed. That’s when I realized Sy could see and feel what I was thinking and feeling, which was absolutely mortifying. Ducking my head, I quickly erected my mental wall, mumbling, “So sorry.”
“It’s okay. Not exactly a prude, but don’t want to be a Peeping Tom. At least not with my best friend. With anyone else it’s open season.” He grinned, his dimples making a quick appearance before he took another bite of sandwich, chewing thoughtfully. “The point I was trying to make was that he feels connected to you, which I’ve only seen him do with one other female, and she turned out to be an opportunist. I’m just saying take care. He seems like a big beast, I know, but see if you can look past that.”
Another female? Hmm. The thought made me unhappy, but I didn’t get to dwell on it.
Suddenly, a blue, oval light filled the room, almost too bright to even look at and more brilliantly beautiful than I’d ever seen before. I gasped with the suddenness of it all and flashed a panicked look at Sy, but he ignored it and kept eating as though nothing were happening. When the light dimmed, Ryder was standing there, larger than life. I’d forgotten how big he actually was until he appeared, seeming to shrink the space around him. My eyes drank in the sight of him greedily. His black hair looked mussed, and his green eyes were dark and grim as he caught sight of me. As nervous as I was, my body still reacted to the sight of him, heart pinging against my chest and flushed breathlessness descending on me.
“She brought us sandwiches,” Sy offered in a cheerful tone, though his eyes remained serious and watchful.
“Where’s your phone?” Ryder ignored Sy’s comment, his voice sounding dangerously calm. He stalked across the room, grabbed the chair next to mine and yanked it out to sit on it, crowding my space with his large form.