“It happens more easily than you think.” He heard the pain in her voice and wanted to kick his own ass for reminding her of her kidnapping. But it was essential he tell her everything. He’d already proven what a bastard he was by mating her without telling her everything she needed to know about him.
“I’m sorry,” he offered, the words totally inadequate. “I know this is hard for you.”
Bethany shivered and he held her closer, pulling the edge of the comforter more snugly over her shoulders. He knew she needed a hot shower to ease the aches she was going to have from all the vigorous sex they’d had. She also needed time to assimilate everything that had happened between them. But he knew if he didn’t tell her about himself now he might never find the courage to do so again.
“The only thing I could think of was that maybe the bounty hunters had taken her. I had no idea how they knew what she was. But we knew who they were. I figured maybe one of them was keeping tabs on us all those years, watching to see if we were human or half-breeds.”
“Makes sense.”
He nodded. The sky was lightening outside the window and dawn was close at hand. With it came obligations and responsibilities. He wanted it to remain night forever so he could stay here with Bethany in his arms.
“With the help of Craig’s research and computer skills, I was able to infiltrate the bounty hunters. It took a long time, months.”
Bethany tensed but he didn’t stop. He had to get all of this out now. “I worked with several groups of them, trying to find any scrap of information about a female half-breed.” He took a deep breath and forged ahead. “I killed several pureblooded werewolves, the kind that kill any half-breed they find. They don’t want the bloodlines diluted and think of us as mongrel dogs to be put down.”
Anger welled up inside him. “I don’t regret it.” And he didn’t, even though it had stained his soul. “I knew they’d kill Chris if they came across her. It gave me one less thing to worry about.”
“What about other werewolves?”
He tried to ignore how rigid Bethany was in his arms. He held her tight, not wanting her to run from him until he was done, knowing he’d release her if she fought him.
“I helped this pack when they were being targeted by the bounty hunters. I didn’t want any innocents hurt.” He could still remember turning his weapon on one of the men he’d worked with for months in order to save Isaiah’s life. It had been a calculated gamble on his part. He’d always walked the razor’s edge between doing what he knew was right and not getting caught by the bounty hunters. They’d have killed him in a split second if they’d known what he was.
“That’s why they’re helping you now?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. I think they’d have helped us anyway. They’re good folks.”
He needed her to understand what his life had been like. “I was with the bounty hunters for more than a year. I had almost no contact with Craig. I killed people, Bethany. Purist werewolves and bounty hunters. And I’m not sorry. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I thought it would help me find Chris. The only thing I regret is wasting all that time not knowing it was neither of those groups that had taken her.”
He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Christ. Who would have thought it would be some crazy human scientist and a fanatical werewolf who had her? I can’t stop looking. Won’t stop. Not until I find Chris and bring her home.”
It was done. He’d told her everything. Now she knew all the blood that was on his hands.
“I should have told you this before we mated. I’m sorry for that.” They were the hardest words he’d ever uttered, but he said them. For her. “I’ll let you go when this is all done. I won’t hold you. You’ll be able to build a life of your own.”
Away from all the violence and bloodshed that had consumed his life. He didn’t say the words aloud. Didn’t have to. She would have been better off with one of the other males. At least they’d never lived a lie, not like he had.
The thought of her being with another male was like a dagger in his heart. It made him want to kill whatever male touched her.
Further proof that he wasn’t good enough for her.
Bethany stirred in his arms. He didn’t want to hear what she had to say, but there was no going back.
“Quinn,” she began.
A loud pounding came on the door, startling them both. He jerked his head toward the noise. Craig. Quinn could smell his brother’s fear and excitement. He jumped out of bed and strode to the door, ignoring the fact he was naked.
He yanked open the door. Craig’s eyes widened as they took in his nude state, but he averted his eyes so he wasn’t looking in the room. “Damek just called. He has a lead but dawn is too close. We’re leaving in five minutes.”
“I’ll be ready.” He shut the door and reached for his jeans.
Bethany jumped out of bed and raced for the bathroom, grabbing her clothing as she went. “Don’t leave without me.”
He stared at the closed door. Everything was different between them now. He’d gotten a reprieve, but it wouldn’t last. They’d have to talk when they came back home. No, not home. This wasn’t home for either of them. He couldn’t forget that. He was only here for as long as he knew his sister was in Chicago. If they moved her, he was gone.
And maybe the time for talking was done. Maybe it was better this way. He knew he needed to set Bethany free. He wasn’t worthy of her love, had already let down the other woman in his life, his twin sister. It was time to distance himself from Bethany, set her free to have the kind of life she deserved.
His chest ached as his heart slowly broke. Strange, he hadn’t thought he’d had much left to break, thought Chrissten’s kidnapping had numbed that vital organ permanently. Obviously, he’d been wrong. He swiped at the moisture gathering in his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. Fuck, this was no time to fall apart.
This was his chance to man up and do what was right. Bethany deserved the best life had to offer and he loved her enough to set her free. Maybe his sacrifice would help clear the stain from his soul. Even though he knew it was the right thing to do it was killing him to even consider letting Bethany go.
He shoved aside all his problems for now to focus on Chris. Hope began to build inside him. Maybe this was the time he found her. He sat on the edge of the bed and laced on his sneakers.
The bathroom door flew open and Bethany hurried out. She was dressed and both her face and hair was damp. She didn’t look at him, keeping her face averted.
He wanted to go to her and take her into his arms and reassure her that everything would be all right. Instead, he made the conscious decision to leave the silent wall between them. It would be easier on both of them in the long run.
His wolf howled in protest.
He ignored the beast, grabbed his shirt and yanked it on as he left the room. “Come on. We don’t want to keep the others waiting.”
Chapter Eleven
Bethany felt sweaty and sticky even though she’d had a quick wash. What she needed was a long, hot shower and time to digest everything that had happened in the past few hours.
She ached for Quinn. For everything he’d been through. For all the tough decisions he’d had to make. He’d killed people—bounty hunters and other werewolves. She was still trying to wrap her mind around that.
She found herself thrust into a new world where all the rules had changed. It was tough to reconcile. Only a month ago she would have considered him a killer, a criminal. His actions would be enough for any human court of law to convict and sentence him to a lengthy jail term. But she wasn’t human, and in the reality she now inhabited he was a hero. The sacrifices he’d made in order to find his sister, to help save other half-breed werewolves were mind-blowing. His inner strength and sense of honor was stronger than steel and sharper than any blade.