“Are you really gonna let this happen?” I ask Jack.
He doesn’t meet my eyes.
“I thought you made the decisions,” I say. “You’re supposedly acting owner of the farm.”
“I am!”
“Just not when it’s important, I guess.”
Jack opens his mouth to speak then shuts it again. His forehead crinkles and he looks down before glancing up at his dad again.
“Use Townsend as your jockey,” Mr. Goodwin says. “This is important.”
“I’m sorry,” Jack says quietly. “Dad’s right—I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m racing Townsend.” He jets out of the stall, leaving me leaning over onto my knees, gasping for breath.
They know Star doesn’t like boys. It pisses me off that they’re willing to risk Star being uncomfortable. Besides, I came in third last time! That’s a gazillion times better than Townsend ever managed on Star. I yank my gloves off, throw them on the floor, stomp out of the stall, and slam the door shut. Minerva sticks her head out of her stall, looking me in the eye, alarmed.
“Shit,” I say, charging out of the barn. Rory sees me and chases after me, trying to talk.
“What’s wrong?” Rory asks, grabbing my elbow.
“Just leave me alone!” I yell, storming toward the grandstands.
I find a place far away from the paddock to stand and watch Star’s race. Jack already told me he can’t date me because of who I am. And now he’s taking this away from me? Asshole.
Before the race starts, Jack comes to join me in the grandstands. He brings me a hot cocoa from the concession stand because it’s so chilly.
“I’m really sorry,” Jack says, passing me the Styrofoam cup. I don’t want to accept his peace offering, but only an idiot would turn down a free hot chocolate on a day like this. Stupid rainstorm.
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “Are you gonna take orders from your dad for the rest of your life? When are you gonna actually stand up and act like an owner? Or is that just a title for you?”
Jack furrows his eyebrows, looking hurt and pissed, and I know I’ve dealt a low blow, but I need to put shields up around myself.
“I didn’t do it only because Dad told me to,” Jack says. He musses his wet hair, and rain drips down his face.
“Then why did you do it?” I snap.
“Because I care about you!” he roars. People in the grandstands stare at us. “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He drags a hand through his hair again. Everything goes so quiet I can hear my heart pounding inside my chest. “Drink your cocoa. It’s cold and I don’t want you to get sick.”
“You don’t need to take care of me, Jack.”
“I want to take ca—” He hesitates and breathes deeply.
I sip the cocoa, shaking my head at the racetrack. “I’m really pissed at you right now. First you got my hopes up about being a jockey and being able to do something different with my life. And then you got me excited about us. That maybe we could be something special, because I really feel something when I’m with you. And I mean really feel…” I grind my teeth together.
Jack is staring at his boots now. “I told you I want you.”
“And I told you that I won’t settle for being your secret.”
“But you will settle for that guy you were with the other night. Rory Whitfield’s cousin.”
“That’s not settling! It was a real date!”
“Oh please. A real date with no chemistry. Of course you were settling.” He steps closer, getting in my face space. “Be with me. Please don’t date him.”
“Oh, so you’ll stoop to date me now that I could be interested in another guy? That sucks.”
“I care about you!”
“Then prove it.”
I face the racetrack, not meeting his gaze again. After several seconds of stewing in silence, Jack finally leaves me standing there alone. I take my hot cocoa and find a dry place to sit.
During the race, Townsend rides the rail and never gets Star out in front of the pack. The horse whips his head from side to side at one point, and I think Townsend will lose control, but he hangs on somehow.
They come in fourth place.
Chapter 18. If Circumstances Were Different
Jack is giving Star a weekend off from racing because the Dixiana Derby is next Saturday.
Out in Greenbriar, I’m all alone as I give Star a bath. After I brush his teeth, he reaches out as if he’s gonna bite my hand, but then he slowly nuzzles it. I look into his eyes and he nickers.
“Hello,” I reply. “Are you glad you have a day off?”
Star snuggles against my shoulder.
“No wonder you haven’t been winning races,” I whisper. “You’ve become a big ole pansy. Racehorses are supposed to be aggressive.” I pump my fist and try to show him I mean business, but he goes back to eating his grain. What a pig.
I hang out with Star the rest of the day, cleaning up his manure and letting him graze in the pasture. Last Saturday night, I went to dinner with Alex at the Cracker Barrel, and we had a good time, but nothing much happened between us. When he drove me home, he gave me a quick peck on the lips. Later tonight we’re going to a movie and I hope this’ll be the night we kiss for real. I don’t mind that we’re taking it slow, but I’m kind of aching for some passion.
Leaning over the fence, I watch Star chase a filly, teasing her, and then he gets ornery and squeals when a yearling colt tries to play with him. I laugh, and Star rewards me by nuzzling my face and hands.
Watching the horses run into the orangey-pink sunset, I totally lose track of time—I need to take a shower soon to get ready for my date, and that’s when I hear footsteps behind me. I look over my shoulder to find Jack dressed in his comfy clothes—sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee.
“It’s late. We should put Star and the others back in their stalls.”
“Am I gonna get to ride Star in the Dixiana Derby next week?” I ask.
Jack sniffles, watching Star roll around in the grass grunting. “We’ll have to see what conditions are like that day.”
What he means is he has to see what his father says. How ridiculous.
“Why are you home?” My eyes trail over his sweats. “It’s Saturday night.”
He folds his hands together on top of the fence and studies the horses. “There’s nobody I want to go out with.”
“Not even Colton or Vanessa or Kelsey?”
“Don’t feel like it.” He looks at me sideways, giving me a sad smile.
That’s when Star jogs back over to me. He makes a deep snorting sound and pauses a few feet away. I cluck my tongue. The horse turns his focus from me to Jack then slowly walks forward, squeezing between us. Star nuzzles against Jack’s cheek and nips at his hair.
Jack scratches the colt’s face. “Aw, thanks, buddy.”
Bright stars poke through the lovely pink-orange sunset as Jack and I stand together, petting the horse. I wish he could show the same courage that Star just did. Will Jack ever shove aside the things that scare him?
After we lead Star to his stall, passing farmhands along the way, Jack walks me back to Hillcrest.
“Can we talk later?” he asks quietly. “We could meet out by the lake?”
I shake my head. “I can’t.” I won’t. I won’t get into another situation where we might hook up, no matter how much I want it.
“Please?” he asks softly. “Just as friends?”
“Jack,” I say in a tiny voice. “Don’t…I told you, I can’t. I have plans.”
“I need to talk to you about something…I need you, as a friend, you know?”
How could this end well?
“I got you something.” He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a weathered, tiny box, and hands it to me. I don’t want gifts. I want to race his horse, I want him to support me in front of his father, I want him to man up.