It was her last-ditch effort to avoid having too deep a conversation about this with him. She had a minuscule chance of doing so if she could find out how much he knew.
“Yeah, the guy you were on the phone with this morning.” His intense dark eyes went darker and hardened with every word. “The guy you agreed to meet today; then you called and lied to me, saying you had to go into work?”
“It wasn’t a lie,” she said, lifting her chin. “I did go in for a couple of hours, but yes, I also met with Fred.”
“Who is he and when were you planning on telling me about it?” He tilted his head as that familiar spark in his eyes flicked. “Or were you?”
Addison pulled away from his hold, and he let her go but held her hand. “He’s Clair’s dad,” she said as his eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t planning on telling you or anyone—”
“You told me you didn’t talk to him anymore, Addison. I accepted that you won’t share his identity with me because it didn’t matter if you had no contact with him. But if you’re gonna be meeting him—secretly no less—that changes everything.”
“It shouldn’t.”
“Oh it does,” he said, raising his voice and dropping her hand. “What did you meet with him for?”
Addison let her head fall back. As much as she hated seeing him getting upset, she was determined to share only what he needed to know.
“He started calling me again last year,” she began, speaking faster when she saw the brows jump in reaction to that. “I hadn’t heard from him in years before that. He said he was contemplating leaving his wife. That he’d always known deep inside he’d never stop loving me.”
AJ’s eyes widened. “He’s in love with you?”
She nodded. “It’s what he claims anyway. I seriously doubt the man knows what love is.”
“Were you ever in love with him? Wait,” he said, his eyes narrowing in on hers. “So he started calling you last year? Have you been meeting with him—?”
“No.” She shook her head adamantly, reaching for his hand again and lacing her fingers through his. “I’ve never been in love with anyone but you. I thought maybe I was back then, but now that I know what true love feels like, I can say that with all certainty I never was. I have zero feelings for him other than frustration that I have to deal with him now. And this is the first time I’ve agreed to meet him. All the times he called last year I told him the same thing, to stay with his wife. Things would never work between him and me, and I didn’t want to disrupt Clair’s life. I was fine with Clair never knowing who he was or ever meeting him. But he kept calling and I started getting nervous.” She closed her eyes before going on. “I’ll admit now that when I first took the position in Chicago he was a small part of the incentive. I was young and delusional, but mostly full of hope. The undying hope that he’d come around and want us to be a happy little family still lingered. It wasn’t even about my not being able to get over him or anything; I was hopeful for Clair that she might someday have a relationship with her father. With me being so close to mine, I hated that she never would have that kind of bond with hers.”
“He lives in Chicago?”
“Not in Chicago, but about an hour and a half north of Chicago in Winnetka. He brought out the big guns during one of the final conversations I had with him while I was still out there. He started threatening that he had rights too. As Clair’s dad, he could go to court and make things ugly for me. I panicked. I’d already been looking into the possibility of transferring to California, so I did so as quickly and as quietly as I could before he could do something like try and stop me from moving her out of state. I figured since she was born in California and my family is here they couldn’t force me to move back to Illinois just because he’s there. He’s never wanted anything to do with her. I thought, worst-case scenario, if he were really gonna claim he wants to be a part of her life—which I know he doesn’t—and push came to shove, then he could move here.”
“Did he?” AJ asked, the intensity morphing into alarm.
“Not yet. I don’t think he ever will. But he did leave his wife just recently. I think it was why he wanted to meet with me today. To see my reaction. When I first met him, he was in the minors here in San Diego, but he always talked about wanting to get back to his hometown. He hated it here.” She took a deep breath, knowing, as much as she hated to have to tell AJ this next part, he needed to know. “Thing is, AJ, he’s a selfish asshole. The only times I ever heard from him or that he bothered to contact me since Clair was born were if he either needed something from me—like reassurance that I’d continue keeping his identity a secret because he’d chosen not to tell his fiancée about his love child—or when he heard of me seeing someone. It was never about her, and I’m still certain it isn’t. Even when we talk now, he hardly asks about her. He’s more interested in my private life. Last year I started to see someone. Only then did he suddenly realize he missed me. When I moved out here, I guess he figured I cut things off with the guy, which I did, and he left well enough alone. But ever since the stories have gotten out about you and me, he’s started up again.”
The buzzer to the gate rang, giving them a momentary much-needed break from this topic. Coming here tonight, Addison had no idea she’d be in for such an intense discussion. She could only hope that, now that she explained, he’d drop it, let her deal with this her way, and not push for more information. There were things she knew she needed to be honest with him about, but others she still wasn’t willing to disclose, and it was all for the sake of protecting Clair. No matter what, she would not back down. The thought of having to argue or, worse, him giving her some kind of ultimatum had the emotion already creeping up on her.
Chapter 20
AJ
“Fred what?” AJ asked as soon as he was back in the kitchen with the food. Addison stared at him apprehensively. “Is he still playing?”
She shook her head, and if he weren’t mistaken, her eyes glistened. “No, he’s not?” He set the food down on the center island and peered at her when she didn’t answer him. “What’s wrong with you? Are you crying?”
“No,” she whispered, but clearly she was close to it. “I meant, no, please don’t ask anything specific about him. None of that matters, and for over seven years, I’ve managed to keep him anonymous. I don’t even like referring to him as her dad. He’s so undeserving of the title.”
Grinding his teeth, AJ decided he’d let that part of this go. Only because he could see how much this was upsetting her. But he still needed to get to the bottom of a few other things. “So what did you meet with him for?”
“To call his bluff,” she said, breathing in deeply and appearing a little more composed.
“What bluff?”
“He’s still claiming he’s really checking into moving out here and says if I cooperate with his requests to spend time with her he’ll keep things out of court.”
“And you’re agreeing to this?” AJ asked, his insides really lighting up now.
“I’m going along for now, AJ.” She crossed her arms in front of her. “I’m telling you I don’t buy for a minute he’d move out here. Even today, he hardly inquired about her. All he wanted to discuss was the possibility of us.”
“Is that right?” AJ asked, cracking his fingers one by one in an effort to calm himself because he could feel himself crossing over to that place. “So are you going along with that too?”