Why hadn’t he taken Addison’s precautions more seriously? He’d inconsiderately waved them off as Addison and her parents being overly protective. He’d never known anyone with such severe allergies or allergies period, so he’d mistaken Clair’s family’s over-the-top safety measures when it came to this as them being that way because she was their precious little princess. The center of their world. Not because it was that vital.
“Why?” he whispered through his teeth. “Why the fuck didn’t I take it more seriously?”
Unable to sit anymore, he got up and paced the locker room, picking up a bat because he needed to squeeze something. The question would forever haunt him, and he stopped in the middle of the locker room, bringing the bat over his head, resting it on his shoulders, and squeezing it at either end. “Why?”
Taking a deep breath, he welcomed the anger he was beginning to feel again. The same anger had raced through his veins the day it happened and took over the massive ache in his heart. “Why, damn it!” He banged the bat against the lockers. “Why? Why? Fucking why!”
When the bat shattered into pieces, he picked up one of the wooden stools and started banging it against the walls and lockers. One after another he picked them up and banged them against the wall, asking the same miserable question. By the time he fell to the floor, exhausted and barely able to catch his breath, he’d lost count of how many stools he shattered. All he knew was, unlike what he’d been told all his life, letting it out did not make him feel better. Not even a little bit. His heart was still completely shattered and would be forever. Once again, he squeezed his eyes shut as his body shook uncontrollably and the relentless tears overwhelmed him.
~*~
Addison
Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. It was what Addison had been told when Clair had slipped into a coma. Addison tried to hope for the best but knew the real possibility existed that Clair could possibly have suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen.
She’d always said this would be her worst nightmare, yet nothing could’ve prepared her for the enormity of the pain. For days, her entire body had been numb. The words anyone but the doctors said to her barely registered. Her life as she’d known it was over—over until either her baby woke up or . . .
Addison shook her head, not wanting to even consider that possibility. “If you can hear me,” she whispered as the tears streaked down her face, “come back, baby. Wake for Mommy, please.”
She kissed Clair’s little hand then brought it against her face as she cried for the millionth time. How could this have happened? Addison had taken every precaution. They’d never even used her EpiPen before, but she carried it with her religiously. She did everything the doctors told her to. The girl at the concession stand even showed her the can of canola oil they used for the popcorn, not peanut oil as so many theaters used and could be deadly for Clair. Addison always made sure she double-checked.
A light knock sounded at the door to the room and then it opened slowly. AJ stepped in, his eyes as red-rimmed and swollen as hers felt. “Any change?” he asked in a hoarse voice.
Addison shook her head. “The doctors are still trying to figure out what it could’ve been that caused such a violent reaction. They say only something nut-related could cause a reaction this bad. But none of what she had that day had anything of the sort. So there’s a possibility she might’ve developed yet another allergy to something we weren’t even aware of.”
AJ stared at her, the shock of everything that had happened in the last couple of days still wearing heavily in his eyes. He’d been just as devastated by all this as she’d been, but she forced him today to go to his game. There was nothing he could do for her here, and he was risking fines and contractual legal issues if he just didn’t show up. Already he’d missed a few games in this crucial part of the season because of his brother, and he’d missed another one because of Clair yesterday.
“Would it help if they knew?”
Addison shrugged, glancing back at Clair. “It might. They could at least rule out that it might be a new allergy, one we’d obviously have to monitor closely.”
Her parents walked in and said hello to AJ then were immediately at Clair’s side. “You should go get something to eat, honey,” her mother said, caressing Clair’s head. “We’ll stay here with her and call you if anything changes.”
With a weary smile, Addison nodded, kissing Clair’s hand one last time. “Furthest I’ll go is the cafeteria, so I won’t be long.”
“I’ll go with you,” AJ said.
As soon as they were out of the room, AJ took her hand in his. “We need to talk.” Addison turned to him curiously. “I think I know what might’ve caused Clair’s reaction.” She felt her eyes narrow but said nothing, letting him continue. “When you walked out to take that first call, Clair asked to taste my ice cream.”
Addison’s eyes immediately opened wide, and she pulled her hand from his. “And you let her?” She shook her head, trying to remember what kind it was. “Did it have nuts in it?”
“No. It was sherbet, and she said it was her favorite, so I figured she couldn’t be allergic to it.”
“But it could’ve been contaminated,” Addison countered. “Was it the scooped kind or the soft serve?”
“Scooped,’ he said, lifting his hands in front of him. “But, Addison, babe, she said it would be fine—”
“Did she?” Addison asked, raising her voice. “Did she, AJ? Is that why she’s in a coma?
Never in her life did she feel such a mixture of emotion for someone. As much as she loved this man, at the moment she hated him.
“I’m sorry. I thought it’d be okay. I had no idea—”
“No idea?” She was yelling now, but she didn’t care. “You’ve seen the precautions we’ve taken with her from day one. How do you know they didn’t use the same scoop they use for any of the other flavors with nuts? That’s all it takes, AJ, and look!”
She pointed at Clair’s room door just as it opened and her dad stepped out. “What’s going on?”
“He gave her ice cream!” Addison said loudly. “The day of, just before she had the reaction. Scooped ice cream from the theater.”
Her dad glanced at AJ then back at Addison. “Okay, honey, that still doesn’t mean—”
“No!” she said, feeling herself falling apart all over again, then turned to AJ “How could you! You watched me—teased me about cleaning the area so thoroughly—then callously ignored everything I’ve done to protect her!”
“Callously?” AJ said, reaching his hand out to her. “Addison—”
“Don’t touch me!” she said, slapping his hand away. “I don’t want you here anymore. I don’t want you anywhere near me or Clair ever again!”
“Addi, you’re not thinking clearly,” her father said calmly.
“I want him gone!” she screamed now even as her father hugged her.
“Honey, just calm down. It was an honest mistake.”
“No,” AJ said in a strained voice. “I knew it was a risk.”
Addison turned to him and saw his tear-filled eyes, and just as he always had from the beginning, he was incapable of hiding any of his emotions. “I should’ve been more careful. I’m sorry. I’ll keep . . .” His voice broke, so he paused for a moment before continuing. “I’ll keep praying for her. I love you, Addison.”
With that, he turned away, and Addison fell into her father’s arms again. As much as she wanted to blame AJ, she knew this was all her fault. Sure, AJ had been careless about something so serious, but she was the one who left her daughter alone with her boyfriend, a man she’d only known for several short months. He obviously didn’t understand the severity of Clair’s allergic reactions.