This was one of the biggest reasons why she’d held out for so long from bringing someone into Clair’s life. She’d been terrified of the responsibility it carried. She knew she could trust AJ with Clair’s life and hers. The man wore his heart on his sleeve. She’d never once doubted his love for both her and Clair. He was perfect, and now she had to wonder if maybe that wasn’t the reason she hadn’t been more careful. Not once had she thought it, but she wondered now if maybe subconsciously a part of her feared someone as perfect as AJ might think she was too much baggage to deal with. Maybe she’d unintentionally held back from clarifying just how severe Clair’s condition could be.
She’d gone from her dad’s shoulder to her mom’s now as she, too, had come out to see what the fuss was about. “This is all my fault.” Addison wept against her mom’s shoulder.
Her father had since explained to her mother what had happened. “It’s nobody’s fault,” her mother insisted, shushing her crying. “No one should fall into a coma over a little ice cream,” her mom said as she patted Addison’s back. “It’s unfortunate and life isn’t always fair, but I do hope you’ll call AJ once you’ve calmed down and realize there is no way that man would ever do anything to hurt either of you. You can see it in his eyes when he looks at you both. In such a short time, you two seem to mean the world to him, and I’m sure he’s hurting and feeling so guilty. Don’t make him suffer any more than he’s already suffering, Addi.”
Nodding to acquiesce to her mother, Addison knew she’d be doing no such thing. She’d never forgive herself for this. She’d allowed the thrill of her new relationship with AJ to cloud her judgment—distract her—and she’d let her guard down when it came to Clair’s safety. She should’ve stuck with her gut and known allowing herself to become involved in a relationship might distract her from her number-one priority.
If, by the grace of God, Clair made it through this, Addison would never make that same mistake again. And if she didn’t . . . AJ would forever be a reminder of the unforgivable mistake she’d made in her life. So either way, anything more between her and AJ or anyone else was out of the question.
~~~
At her parents urging, Addison was finally making the call she’d been dreading. It’d been two days since AJ walked out of the hospital. He’d since called and texted her several times, and his sister Emi had even left her a message begging her to please just forgive her brother, even if she didn’t want anything to do with him again.
Once again, it had Addison sobbing. It was all she’d done ever since this all started but especially when AJ had confirmed what she suspected. Clair’s allergic reaction had been a direct result of Addison’s carelessness. She’d been crying at the drop of a pin, but Emi’s voicemail was the only one of all the messages she’d listened to. She knew hearing AJ’s voice would be unbearable. Though, she’d been a mess all through Emi’s message as well.
Her parents were right. She should be the one who made this call. He deserved to know, and Addison’s father said he preferred if she made it. He was in Atlanta now, but she knew his game was over. He answered on the first ring.
“Addison?”
Something instantly squeezed her windpipe just as she’d expected from hearing his voice alone. “I don’t blame you,” she said, doing her best to not fall apart. “I’m sorry that I did the day you told me about the ice cream, but I know it wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself either.”
He was quiet for a moment. “How is she?”
“She’s awake,” she whispered, the tears already streaming down her face.
“She is?” As usual, the emotion in his voice was undeniable.
“Yes, but she’s not speaking yet. The doctors say it’s normal for that to happen when a patient first wakes.” She took a deep breath before going on. “All her vitals are on target, and she’s been staying awake a little longer every time. Each time there’s improvement too, as far as the stages of recovery go. As usual with Clair, the doctors say she’s actually ahead of the game. She’s already following instructions and doing little things like squeezing our fingers when asked to. My dad flew in Snickers, and she brightened up even more. She’s just not speaking yet, but the doctors are feeling positive about her full recovery. They’re just warning it may take some time.”
She heard him clear his throat, and she thought she heard him sniff. “I’ve been so scared,” he said, and as suspected, there was no hiding the emotion in his voice. “I’ve never been much of a praying man, Addison, and I’ve prayed nonstop for her.”
“Thank you,” Addison whispered. “I’ve had a few angry words with God myself, along with some desperate ones. I’ll have to apologize to him too, I guess.”
“There’s no need to apologize to anyone, baby. You’ve gone through so much; it’s understandable that you’d be so upset you’d want to lash out at the world. God knows I know all about needing to let it out. I’m just so glad she’s awake now. I have a travel day this week. I’ll use it to go see her—”
“AJ,” she said before he could go on. “It’s okay if you wanna come by and see her. She’d probably be happy to see you, but you and I . . .”
She couldn’t even bring herself to say it. Already she was crying into her hand and holding the phone away from her so he wouldn’t hear it.
When she brought it back to her ear, she caught the tail end of what he was saying “. . . just talk to me, Addison.”
“I can’t do this anymore. Clair needs me to focus on her and only her. This might not have happened if—”
“It was all me, Addison,” he said firmly. “I knew there was a risk. I just didn’t realize how big a risk—”
“And that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” she said, lifting her chin and trying to regain her composure because she needed to get through this without backing down. Already she was so tempted to just forget what she’d previously sworn she’d do if Clair made it through this. “I shouldn’t be exposing Clair or counting on others to understand how delicate she really is. I did because I got caught up in us.”
“But I know now. Believe me. I’ll never take a risk with her again. This incident will stay with me for the rest of my life. I promise I’ll take every precaution with her just like you do. I’ll do anything. Whatever you say, baby. Because I love you both, but please don’t—”
“If that’s the truth,” she said, her stupid voice giving out on her, so she tried again. “If that’s the truth, then you’ll respect my wishes when it comes to this. Please.”
“Anything but that, Addison. Please don’t shut me out. Give me one more chance to prove to you I can do this.”
“It’s not about you, AJ. This is about me. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t believe I let this happen.”
“But you didn’t! Your dad even said it was an honest mistake—my mistake—and I swear to you it’ll never happen again.”
Her mother stepped out of Clair’s room and motioned to her that Clair was awake again. Immediately, she was annoyed with herself. Even this kept her from being there when Clair woke. “Clair’s awake again. You can come see her if you want. We can still be friends but nothing else,” she said with even more determination. “I gotta go.”
Chapter 24
AJ
At least, Addison hadn’t cut him off completely. She was back to answering his calls and returning his texts. Though, she was obviously trying to keep to the topic of Clair. AJ decided as long as she didn’t cut him off he’d go along with this “friends” thing, at least until Clair fully recovered. Thankfully, Clair was improving every day. Addison had informed him she was even speaking now, a word here and there. She tired easily, but the doctors kept assuring Addison these were all good signs.