“Always happy to brighten your day.”
“Hey,” he said. “It’s more than I had before you started free associating.”
Five messages on my machine. Four junkers and Allison, sounding cheerful.
“I’m free! Seven a.m. flight tomorrow on JetBlue. I should arrive in Long Beach by ten-thirty.”
I reached her cell. “Got the good news.”
“Dropped a whole lot of guilt on cousin Wesley,” she said. “My Ph.D. put to practical use. He gets in from Boston tonight. I’m packed and ready to go.”
“How did Grandma take it?”
“There were a few genteel sniffs but she’s saying the right things.”
“Seven a.m. flight in New York means a drive in the dark from Connecticut.”
“Got a car picking me up at three-thirty,” she said. “Does that tell you how motivated I am? The day after I arrive I’ve got patients, but if you have time tomorrow, we could have some fun.”
“Fun is good,” I said. “I’ll pick you up.”
“I booked a car in Long Beach, too.”
“Unbook it.”
“Ooh,” she said. “Tough guy.”
At nine p.m., my service called. I’d downed a sandwich and a beer, was ready to kick back with some journals.
“It’s a Clarice Daney, Doctor,” said the operator.
“Cherish Daney?”
“Pardon?”
“I know a Cherish Daney.”
“Oh, could be, this is Loretta’s handwriting- yeah, that could be it, Doctor. You want me to hold her number or give it to you? She said it was no emergency.”
“I’ll take it.”
She clicked me in.
“Oh,” said Cherish Daney. “Sorry, I was just going to leave a message. They didn’t need to interrupt your evening.”
“No problem. What’s up?”
“I was actually trying to reach Lieutenant Sturgis, but they told me he’s out of town. So I thought of calling you. I hope that’s okay.”
Out of town?
“It’s fine. What’s on your mind, Ms. Daney?”
“After you left I realized I didn’t get a chance to talk much about Rand. My husband spoke to you but there’s something I thought I should add.”
“Please.”
“Okay,” she said. “This is probably nothing, but I thought you should know that Rand was really upset the entire weekend. More than upset. Highly agitated.”
“Your husband said he was afraid.”
“Did Drew say why?”
I remembered Daney’s protectiveness. Decided she was an adult and that I cared more about her reaction. “He said Rand thought someone had prowled near his window at night. In the morning Rand spotted a dark truck driving away from your house and for some reason that worried him.”
“The dark truck,” she said. “Drew told me all that, but I’m referring to something different. Something heavy on Rand’s mind right before he was released. It actually started a few weeks before. I wanted to open Rand up but felt I should take it slow because of all he’d been through.”
“Open him up,” I said.
“I’m not a psychologist, but I do have a certificate in spiritual counseling. The nonverbal signs were all there, Doctor. Lack of concentration, drop in appetite, insomnia, general restlessness. I put it down to prerelease jitters, but now I wonder. And it began well before we got Rand home, so I don’t think it had anything to do with being stalked by a truck.”
“Can you tell me more about it?” I said.
“As I said, he’d been jumpy for a while. But when we picked him up in Camarillo, he looked awful. Pale, shaky, really not himself. During the drive home we stopped off to get some gas and my husband went to the men’s room and Rand and I had a few minutes alone. By that time, he was barely able to sit still. I asked him what the matter was but he didn’t answer. I decided to be a little persistent and finally he said there was something he wanted to talk about. I asked what and he hemmed and hawed and finally he said it was about what had happened to Kristal. Then he started to cry. Which made him real embarrassed, he started gulping back his tears and forcing himself to smile. Before I had a chance to probe, Drew was back with the drinks and the snacks and I could tell Rand didn’t want me to say anything. I planned to follow up over the weekend, but somehow the timing was never right. I so wish I had, Doctor.”
“Something about what happened to Kristal,” I said. “Any idea what?”
“My assumption was he needed to unload. Because he’d never really dealt with what had happened. During our visits he had expressed some remorse. But maybe now that he could see freedom on the horizon, he was getting to a place where he could take a higher level of responsibility.”
“Such as?”
“Integrating his atonements into his consciousness. Perhaps by making proactive gestures.”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
“I know,” she said. “This must sound like gobbledygook to you. And I’m not sure I understand it myself. I guess I can’t help but think there was something Rand wanted to say that he hadn’t said before. Whatever it was, I’m kicking myself for not prying it out of him.”
“Sounds like you did more for him than anyone else did.”
“That’s kind, Doctor, but the truth is, with all the other fosters, there are so many demands on my attention. I should have reacted more… affirmatively.”
“Are you saying Rand’s guilt had something to do with his murder?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying. To be honest, I’m feeling pretty foolish right now. For bothering you.”
“No bother,” I said. “What had Rand told you before?”
“At first, he claimed he didn’t remember a thing. Maybe that was even true- you know, repression. Even if it wasn’t, the psychodynamic would be the same, right, Doctor? The enormity of his transgression was just too much for his soul to bear, so he closed up and marshaled his defenses. Am I making sense?”
“Sure,” I said.
“I mean, it was all that boy could do just to get through each day. They claim it’s a juvenile facility but it’s not that at all.”
“There were old scars on Rand’s body,” I said.
“Oh, I know.” Her voice broke. “I heard about each assault but was never allowed to visit him when he was in the infirmary. When we got home he changed into fresh clothes and I took the old ones to wash. When he slipped off his T-shirt, I had a quick look at his back. I shouldn’t have been shocked, but it was hideous.”
“Tell me about the assaults.”
“The worst was when he was jumped by some gang members and stabbed several times for no reason at all. Rand wasn’t a fighter, just the opposite. But did that stop them?”
“How seriously was he hurt?”
“He ended up in the infirmary for over a month. Another time he was surprised from behind and hit on the head while taking a shower. I’m sure there were other incidents he didn’t talk about. He was a big strong boy, so he recovered. Physically. After the stabbing, I complained to the warden but I might as well have spit into the wind. The guards beat the inmates, too. Do you know what they call themselves? Counselors. They’re hardly that.”
“Those types of experiences could make someone jumpy,” I said.
“Of course they could,” she said. “But Rand had adjusted, it wasn’t until his release approached that the symptoms began. He was an amazing person, Doctor. I don’t know if I could’ve coped with eight years of that place and not gone crazy. If only I could’ve guided him better… One thing about working with people, you constantly get reminded that only God is perfect.”