tonight we’re goin’ to roast that bloomin’ cook!”
A shout came from out the mist. “What ho, the Long Patrol!”
The brigadier called in reply, “Gallopers come in an’ make your report!”
Kersey and Dauncey came bounding out of the mist. Slowing to the march, they told the tale, each in turn. Kersey went first.
“Followed the vermin to the woodlands, sah! They entered Mossflower at the southwest fringe, on a track twixt some alders an’ buckthorns.”
Dauncey followed his sister with hardly a break. “We got jolly close t’the blighters, sah. Some nasty-lookin’ bits of work among that bloomin’ bunch. Guess what? We saw the Gulo beast, too. My word, what a blinkin’ horror! Hate to bump into him on a dark night, wot!”
Fixing his monocle rigidly upon the pair, the brigadier fumed. “Confounded, perilous young buffoons! My orders were that ye kept a safe distance from those murderin’ cannibals. They ain’t green behind the ears, y’know. You could’ve both been captured an’ eaten alive!”
Kersey pouted airily. “Catch two gallopers like us, sah? Fat flippin’ chance. All those clods would catch’d be mouthfuls of our dust!”
Brigadier Crumshaw looked as if he were about to explode. His moustache bristled as he thundered at the gallopers, “Silence! Insubordination in the bally ranks, wot! Sergeant, place these insolent young blighters on firewood gatherin’ an’ potwashin’ duties as of now!”
Dauncey gave a snort of disbelief. “But, sah, that’s not fair!”
Crumshaw bellowed at the unfortunate pair, “Enough, I say! One more word from either of you malcontents an’ I’ll have ye clapped under close arrest an’ marched back to Salamandastron to cool your paws in the guardhouse! I’m relievin’ you of scoutin’ an’ gallopin’ duties until ye learn to follow orders correctly. Wot!”
Sergeant Wonwill kept his eyes front as he spoke to the downcast twins. “No arguments. You ’eard the h’officer, young ’uns, off y’go now. Report to Corporal Wopscutt. ’E’ll show you yore chores.”
Kersey and Dauncey saluted before marching off stiffly, tears of hot indignation burning bright in their eyes. The brigadier watched their retreating figures with a fatherly eye.
“Hah, young pair o’ buckoes, wot! One day they’ll make splendid officers an’ perilous warriors, mark m’words. But they’ve got to learn some jolly hard lessons first if we’re to keep ’em from bein’ slain. Right, Sergeant?”
Wonwill’s tough face mellowed. “Right y’are, sah, though ye can’t ’elp feelin’ sorry for the young rips. But who’s goin’ t’take their place as gallopers, sah?”
With a sweep of his swagger stick, Crumshaw indicated Tam, Doogy and Ferdimond. “These three ruffians I fancy, wot!”
Wonwill could not help a passing glance at Doogy’s solid little figure. “Hmm, ’ardly cut out for gallopin’, sah.”
Tam interjected. “Maybe not, Sarge, but I don’t think the Brigadier’s lookin’ for gallopers. Things could get a bit sticky keepin’ tabs on a hundred vermin. We’ll need beasts who’ve seen a bit of action, good stalkers who can use their judgement. Eh, sah?”
The brigadier’s swagger stick tapped Tam’s chest. “Took the words out o’me mouth, MacBurl. You an’ Plumm here have been around the trees a few times, I can tell. As for young De Mayne, he could jolly well benefit from the experience. He’ll do all the gallopin’ needed at a pinch.”
Doogy saluted the brigadier with his claymore. “Ah take it we’re tae be the braw new scouts for a wee while. Ah’m wonderin’ whether tae be flattered or battered, sah.”
Crumshaw smiled briefly. “Draw ration packs from Corporal Wopscutt an’ go to it, you chaps. Report back this evenin’. We’ll meet up by those alders’n’buckthorns young Kersey mentioned. That’ll be all for now. Dismissed!”
Three sets of footpaws pounded the mist-shrouded flatlands, headed northeast for the woodlands. Ferdimond was way out in front, with Tam a close second and Doogy trying gallantly but struggling at the rear.
After a while, the little Highlander slowed to a jog. Clutching a paw to his side, he called out to the hare, “Will ye no’ slack off a wee bit, ye lang-legged hairpin? Ah wasnae built for dashin’ aboot like a scalded frog!”
Ferdimond decreased his pace, grinning at Tam. “I say, I can’t see little barrel bottom in this blinkin’ mist. Where d’you supposed he’s got to, wot?”
Tam caught up with Ferdimond and took hold of his paw. “Not so fast, mate, the woods won’t run away. They’ll still be there when we arrive.”
Doogy came out of the mist, panting like a bellows. “Och, there ye are, ah thought ye’d got lost. Ah’ll walk in front an’ ye can follow me at a respectable pace.”
Ferdimond chuckled good-naturedly. “Oh, how can I soar like an eagle when I’m surrounded by waddlin’ ducks, eh?”
Winking slyly at Tam, Doogy stuck out his footpaw and tripped the young hare. Obligingly, he helped Ferdimond up. “Ah’d go easy if’n I were ye. More haste less speed, mah auld grannie used tae say.”
The hare brushed dew from his tunic. “Wise creature, your old grannie. Point taken, old lad.”
Doogy did an elaborate bow. “Thank ye, old boy, old lad, old chap, wot wot, an’ toodly blinkin’ pip, eh!”
Tam walked alongside them, laughing. “You sounded just like Ferdimond then, mate.”
Doogy straightened his cap, tugging at his eartips. “Aye, well ah’ve decided tae become a hare, ye know.”
Ferdimond scoffed. “You, a bally hare? Right, then I’ll be a Highland squirrel. How’d that suit ye?”
Tam shook his head. “Go on, let’s hear ye then.”
Ferdimond adopted Doogy’s truculent swagger comically. “Och the noo, ah like a wee stroll tae the woods on a misty day, ’cos ah cannae dash aboot like yon wee hare.”
He looked at them trying to keep their faces straight. “Come on, you chaps, how did I do? The truth now!”
Tam burst into gales of laughter as Doogy complained indignantly, “Ach, if ah sounded like that ah would’ve swam oot intae the sea an’ drownded mahself long since!”
Ferdimond replied huffily, “Really, is that a fact? Well, if I sounded like you did tryin’ to imitate me, I’d have begged that Gulo chap to scoff me pretty sharpish!”
They continued ragging and making good-humoured fun of one another as they marched. The mist began lifting in the early noon, and Tam spotted the treeline ahead. “Keep it down now, mates. We don’t need to advertise our presence to any foebeasts who might be around. We’ll split up now and circle in from three ways. Doogy, take the left, I’ll take the right. Ferdy, you go straight in but keep yore eyes peeled, mate. See you both by that big old alder tree yonder. Good luck.”
They reached the alder with no untoward happenings. Tam picked up the vermin trail. “They went this way. Can you track these marks, Ferdy?”
The hare unsheathed his long rapier. “ ’Course I can. They look pretty plain t’me, Tam. But why d’you want me to track, wot?”
Doogy could not help sounding slightly self-satisfied. “Because, mah lanky friend, we’ll be takin’ tae the trees. Us squirrels are fair speedy beasts up in yon foliage. Bein’ a groundcrawler, you’ll have tae stay down here, auld boy!”
Tam sprang up into the buckthorns. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep in touch with you. The mist is gone now. We can see more from up here. Take care, Ferdy.”
Doogy chuckled maliciously. “Aye, an’ don’t ye go trippin’ up an’ fallin’ over now.”
The woodlands were still and eerily silent as Ferdimond made his way forward. There was neither wind nor breeze, but the drizzle had collected on branch and leaf. It plopped and dropped in the stillness, until Ferdimond was wet through. But he followed the trail dutifully until he came into a glade, where Tam and Doogy were waiting for him.
The young hare looked around. “Feathers everywhere! They must’ve slaughtered quite a few birds, confounded savages!”