The rest of it was gone. It was nothing but a pile of rubble.
How could we possibly dig them out of there?
I knew the answer to that question before I even answered it. We couldn’t. We simply couldn’t.
My heart was aching; my whole body was trembling, shaking. Broken. I was so broken. My father had died because I had failed to get out of that car, because I had failed him. And now my mother was dead because I had failed once again. I had left her in there, and she was gone.
I was shaking, numb with horror and grief. Aiden shushed Abby softly, as she began to weep openly, and loudly. I turned to look at my siblings, my gaze landed upon Aiden’s wide, distraught eyes. I saw the answering hopelessness in his eyes, the tears that rimmed them.
In his gaze I saw the truth. We were now orphans.
***
Abby was crying silently, her head bowed, her dark hair falling around her slender shoulders. I couldn’t comfort her, not now, that had fallen to Jenna. She had her arm around Abby’s shoulders; her head was bent over Abby as she tried to ease her sorrow. It was impossible, we all knew that. Jenna herself was struggling with the likelihood that she would never see her parents again. The only difference was that Jenna had not received the violent confirmation that they were dead that we just had.
Even Aiden had shed a few tears, he’d tried to keep them hidden from us, but I had seen them. I had not cried. I was fairly certain that I would not cry, not now, not in front of my siblings. Someone had to stay strong, and just like with my father, it would be me. I didn’t meet Cade’s gaze, I could feel it on me, burning into my back, but I would not look at him. Bret kept his arm around me, seeking to give me comfort even though I didn’t want it. He didn’t seem to understand that though, and I had given up shrugging his arm off. What was the point?
“Why did the building collapse like that?” Abby moaned. “What caused it?”
A muscle in my cheek jumped, my jaw ached from clenching it so tightly. I didn’t know what had caused it, but it had been big, it had been brutal, and it was going to come for us. Of that much I was certain. It would continue to hunt for survivors. It would be unrelenting and ruthless in its pursuit. It apparently hadn’t known that we were in the store, but I was certain that once it got a bead on us, it was not going to stop in its desire for blood, in its desire to drain us dry.
I closed my eyes, my hands fisted at my sides. Whatever the aliens were doing, whatever they were intent on they were really beginning to piss me off!
“Bethany.” I forced my eyes open. Bret was watching me with wide eyed worry. “Are you ok?”
I wanted to be a better person for him, wanted to be the person he thought I was. I wanted to be kinder, more understanding, and more patient. I wanted to be happier, more giving, and more faithful. I wanted to show some sort of emotion, other than fury right now, but I couldn’t. I was none of those things, yet Bret was certain that I was. I hated to disappoint him, but I didn’t know how to be anything different. I had tried to be that person for him for the past few months, I truly had, but it was impossible for me. I thought that if he understood things would be different between us, but he didn’t, and they weren’t.
In fact I was fairly certain he wouldn’t want anything to do with the person I truly was, because he was just too good to understand that person, and the darkness that resided within me. I was a survivor, I was a fighter, and I was hard. It was the first time I admitted that fact to myself, but it was true. I was cold and I was hard. I had thought that it was the death of my father that had caused me to be this way, but I was slowly beginning to realize that I was wrong. Jenna had more than likely lost her family, yet she was comforting Abby. Bret had more than likely lost his parents and yet he was still caring and good.
Yes, I had watched my father die. Yes, I had been young and defenseless. But we were defenseless now, and yet I still sensed more humanity in them than I did in myself. What was wrongwith me? Why couldn’t I be like them?
My gaze finally went to Cade. For the first time I was able to look at him. The duffel bag with the guns was slung over his shoulder, his hand rested against the strap. Cade was a wealth of mystery and confusion to me that I wasn’t sure I would ever understand. Yet, as his dark eyes landed upon me, I knew, with unfailing certainty that he understood me completely. He saw inside of me and knewwhat kind of person I was.
He saw my many flaws, and for some strange reason he didn’t mind them. He saw the depths of my imperfections, the intensity of my coldness, and he understood it. I was suddenly struck by the realization that I didn’t know what was worse. Being completely understood and accepted for my many defects, or constantly trying to prove that I did not have them, that I was a better person than I actually was.
Was it better to be accepted for being an awful human being, or to have someone believe that I was something better than I was?
Cade’s eyes narrowed, his head tilted to the side. Displeasure flashed across his features, his hand tightened on the strap around his chest. The moonlight hit his onyx eyes turning them nearly blue in the bright light.
“Bethany?”
“I’m fine,” I responded as I turned my attention back to Bret.
“Maybe we should stop.”
“We need to keep moving.”
“Keep moving where?” Jenna asked; her voice soft and forlorn.
“Somewhere.” Though I had no idea where. I just knew that we could not sit still. If we stopped we were sitting ducks.
“Somewhere is not an answer!” she retorted sharply. “We need to have somewhere to go; just roaming aimlessly around is doing nothing for any of us! We need to find somewhere safe to hide!”
“Oh, and since you know where all of those places are, why don’t you just tell us where to go!” I snapped back.
Jenna glared at me, her delicate jaw clenched tight as her pretty eyes narrowed. “Ok, easy, we should probably come up with some kind of plan,” Bret interjected calmly. “We need to find shelter.”
“I’m not going inside again,” I responded at once.
They all looked at me in surprise, even Cade seemed slightly taken aback. “Bethy…”
“No Aiden. If you guys would like to find shelter, that is fine, but there is no way in hellI am going inside again. Not right now anyway,” I amended when I saw their distraught faces. I was not going inside again anytime soon, quite possibly never again, judging by the way I felt right now.
“Well we have to find some place to hide!”
Jenna’s whining tone was grating on my last nerve. I understood that she was frightened, but I had never had a vast storage of patience (yet another fault of mine), and I found that I had even less now. My nerve endings felt flayed, they felt as if someone was constantly taking a match to them. I was hurt, I was frightened too, but most of all I was angry and she was irritating that anger right now.
“And we will,” Cade assured Jenna touching her arm briefly, reassuringly. I looked quickly away, unable to take the sight of them right now as unreasonable jealousy tore through me. They were both so beautiful, so perfect. “But for now, we have to keep moving.”
“The old lighthouse, only teens go there anymore. It will be safe,” Jenna said softly.