I had no doubt that he would return soon though. I rose to my feet, stretching as I walked to the edge of the small clearing. Long ago we had cut the woods back, creating a large area to play in, and a nice path to traverse through the forest. The woods had reclaimed most of the path. Just as the wilderness would reclaim everything that was going to be abandoned, and forgotten when this was over. The world would change, it hadchanged already. Houses may very well be a thing of the past; the forest would regain the wood it had lost over the years, animals would be the new residents of homes. I shuddered at the thought; there would be much for the wilderness to reclaim when this was all done. Maybe even our bodies.
I hated my morose thoughts, but they wouldn’t go away. Neither would the heart wrenching agony of losing my mom. Now that we were stopped, now that I was alone, now that I was not focusing upon inane little things like Cade’s interaction with Jenna, I could not stop the flood of pain, loss, and memories that surged through me. Tears did not streak my face, but hollow, dry sobs racked through my chest and hunched my shoulders as I hugged myself tightly. She had gone fast; they hadn’t gotten a hold of her. I kept telling myself this, kept trying to reassure myself with those thoughts, but it didn’t help to ease the tight knot of anguish searing my chest.
This was not the trauma and shock of my father’s death. Losing my mother had been shocking, and yes this whole thing was traumatizing, but I had not seen her. I had not been with her at the moment of death. I had not seen the suffering and fear. I had not seen the worry for me, for her family. I had not seen death clouding my mother’s gaze, as I had with my father.
I veered sharply away from the thought; it would only lead to dark places that I did not want to travel to ever again. Dark places, and an even darker and despondent version of me than I ever wanted to know again. I launched abruptly to my feet, unable to sit still any longer. I paced anxiously to the edge of the clearing, tugging slightly at my hair as I wrapped it around my finger. The honey color of it was nearly brown with dirt, sweat, and residue from the antique store. I would have given anything for a shower as I could barely stand the smell of myself anymore.
My last memory of the stream as a child told me that it was small. I imagined it would seem even smaller now that I was an adult, but at least it was something. I glanced up at the tree house, they were all inside. The small shutters had been drawn over the three windows, blocking out the sun so they could make an attempt at sleep.
I slipped through the forest, shoving aside bull briar, grape vine, and branches as I struggled to make my way to the stream. I was bleeding and sweating even more by the time I broke free of the woods and stumbled upon the stream. It wassmaller than I remembered, but it was still one of the most wonderful things I had seen in a long time.
I swiftly kicked off my sneakers and socks and shed my filthy clothes. The stream reached a little above my knees as I waded in. I dropped down; sitting upon the rocky bottom, I let the cold water wash deliciously over my heated, filthy skin. Closing my eyes I fell back in the stream, allowing it to engulf me. I opened my eyes slowly to stare out at the world through the blurry haze of water above me. It was beautiful; the sky was as pristine and clear as the water trickling over my head. My lungs began to burn, but I stayed under, trying to pretend that the world was as perfect as it seemed from beneath the water. Trying to pretend that I could stay here, where it was cool and clean, and I could somehow be hidden from the horror above.
Unfortunately, I did not have gills. I burst free of the water, gasping for air, struggling to keep the fierce shaking of my body under control. I was not safe here, I knew that, but I could not drag myself from the cool stream. It was the only sliver of peace I had managed to find in awhile. Pulling my knees up against my chest, I rested my chin upon them and closed my eyes.
***
It was falling over in the water that jolted me awake. I was disoriented, confused, and stunned by my surroundings. Bolting upright, I splashed and crashed about in the water as I swiftly wiped the wet hair from my face. Blinking away the water clinging to my lashes I looked swiftly around the darkening woods. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting in the stream, but the sun was lower, and I was freezing and pruned.
I rose shakily to my feet, wincing as the softened pads of them landed painfully upon the rocks. I struggled out of the stream, teetering like a newborn foal as I tried to avoid the more painful looking rocks. I rang my hair out when I reached the shore. The last thing I wanted was to put my filthy clothes back on, unfortunately I didn’t have any other options.
Sighing in resignation I slipped the smelly clothing back on, shuddering in disgust at the feel of it against my skin. Now that my skin was clean, the smell of them was even more repulsive as it engulfed me. I didn’t care if it was wrong or not, as soon as it was dark out I was going to search out some clean clothes. I was certain the owners of them would understand; if they were still alive they were probably looking for the same thing.
I groaned in disgust as I slipped the dirty socks back on and shoved my feet into my sneakers. “Feel better?”
I whirled, stumbling backwards in surprise and nearly falling over as the voice came from the edge of the woods. It took me a moment to find Cade half hidden within the darkening shadows of the day. The sun was behind him, making it hard to discern him against the glare of the rays. “How long have you been there?” I demanded, trying hard to control the accelerated beat of my heart as I panicked at the thought of what he might have seen.
He shrugged, which was a highly annoying gesture that caused my jaw to clench in aggravation. “Not long.” His voice was causal, his posture almost indolent. I could feel my anger boiling to ever rapid heights as my fear swiftly faded away. He moved away from the trees, coming out of the glaring sun. I clung to my anger, even as an aggravating flash of excitement tore through me. Even dirty and disheveled he was stunningly handsome, and slightly overpowering. I took a step back, struggling to breathe a little better as he moved toward me. The closer he came the more difficult I found the task.
“I didn’t see anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”
It seemed he was taking pity on me as he uttered these words. I didn’t want his pity, and I didn’t want him looking at me like I was a child. I didn’t want him treating me like I was helpless; I already got enough of that from Bret. “Good.”
“Bethany…”
“We should get back. It’s getting dark.”
I turned away, trying hard to keep hold of my remaining shreds of dignity. He grabbed hold of my hand pulling me back. A small cry of surprise escaped me but it was swiftly buried beneath the hard press of his lips. I was stunned into immobility, but even though I was frozen in place my instant physical reaction to him was stunning in its intensity. I knew that I should pull away, that this was completely wrong, but the last thing I wanted was for it to end. He cradled my face gently, pulling me closer against him. For the first time I began to feel safe, for the first time I did not hurt, and I wasn’t terrified. In his arms I felt as if there was no one else in the world, but us.
His lips brushed lightly against mine, just a butterfly caress, before he pulled slowly away. His forehead rested against mine, his fingers stroked my cheeks. I didn’t want the moment to ever end, didn’t ever want to part from him, but I had to. Wehad to.