“I thought Senneth was the one who held him.”
“Most of the time.”
She gestured and he saw that there was a lonely bench set deep within the overgrown vegetation of this abandoned garden. The stone was cold under his legs as he sat down, but the sun fell invitingly on his face. Amalie pushed her hood back and her red-gold hair turned to flame.
The raelynx laid its chin across her lap and closed its great eyes. Its tufted ears still twitched from time to time, listening to the sounds around it, but its tail was still, and it radiated peace.
“Now is the time you ask me to forgive you for how badly you have treated me in the past week,” Amalie said.
Cammon took a big lungful of air and then expelled it in a rueful sigh. “It seems that no matter what I do these days, someone is displeased with me. And you have to understand, I hate it when people are displeased with me. I can’t understand why I suddenly can’t seem to make anybody happy. I always make people happy. But I am sorry, and I do wish you would forgive me.”
She kept her face in profile to him, but she smiled a little. “Valri told me she had warned you to behave more formally with me.”
“Senneth, too.”
“What are they afraid of? That you’ll seduce me?”
He choked and then started laughing. “I suppose that would be the extreme version of it. They say a princess can’t make friends with a serving man.”
“But I don’t have any friends,” she said in a small voice.
He didn’t even think about it. He just reached out for her hand-the one not buried in the cat’s fur-and held it comfortingly in his own. “I think Senneth and Valri have both spent so much of their lives battling other people, fighting to find their own ways, that they didn’t spend much time thinking about whether they needed other people,” he said. “Senneth wanted to be free of her own family-”
“Valri, too,” Amalie interposed.
“I think they were both strong enough to achieve their goals wholly on their own. But I’m not. I don’t want to be. I require people around me. Maybe it’s because I’m a reader and I am so attuned to the voices of other people. If there aren’t people, if there aren’t voices, I feel like I’m dead.” He glanced at her and then glanced away. Her hand was still in his, her fingers cold. She wasn’t wearing any gloves. “I don’t think Valri and Senneth understand what that’s like.”
She nodded. “That’s not exactly what it’s like for me, but it’s similar. Since my mother died, I’m just so lonely. I want to be around people all the time. And it seems I am so seldom around them.”
“Well,” he said, smiling a little, “you’ve had quite an assortment of suitors lately.”
She laughed. “And I have enjoyed that sometimes! And sometimes not. I like the ones like Darryn Rappengrass, with whom I do not have to pretend. The rest of them-oh, who knows what they want from me? Why they want to marry me? It makes me wary and uncomfortable. Though that’s better than being solitary and sad, I suppose.”
“Have you truly liked any of the lords who’ve come to visit?”
She shrugged. “I found a few of them agreeable, but enough to marry them? Cammon, it is so strange to sit there with a man, and talk about stupid things like weather and travel and trade routes, and the whole time be looking at his face and thinking, ‘Are you the one I shall make my husband? Will you be the man I take to my bed? Shall I name you king of Gillengaria?’ Sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on the conversation because I’m thinking of all the things we’re not saying.”
“They’re probably wondering the same things.”
“Yes! Which makes it even worse! And, of course, knowing that you and Valri and a couple Riders are listening to every word we say just makes it even more peculiar.”
“Riders don’t care about things like that,” he said with a grin. “They’re just waiting to see whether or not they should run in and kill somebody. And Valri and I sit there and play cards. I’m not always listening to the words, to tell you the truth. I’m listening to what they’re not saying-trying to read violence in their hearts, you know, or greed, or cruelty.”
Her hand moved in his, but she did not pull it away. Part of him remained astonished by that fact, and part of him remained delighted. There was no detail of this scenario he had envisioned this morning when he woke up. “And you’ll tell me if any of my suitors would be unkind to me,” she said.
“As far as I’m able to judge.”
“But there’s more you can tell me.”
“About the men who come calling? Like what?”
“About men in general. And what they will expect me to know.”
“Know about their family fortunes? I thought Milo briefed you about that.”
“Of course I’m familiar with their estates and their connections,” she said. “It’s just that I-well, I’m a princess. There are things people haven’t thought to tell me. Even Valri.”
He was mystified. “What things?”
She took a deep breath and stared straight in front of her. “I don’t know what happens once I’m married,” she said. “I’ve never even seen a man’s naked body.” A tiny hesitation and then, “I’m sorry if that embarrasses you. I just-I don’t know what they will want from me.”
He was thoughtful, not embarrassed, and he let enough of that emotion flow over to her so that some of her tension eased away. “Not even statues?” he asked presently. “Not even books? You said you spent a great deal of time in your father’s library.”
She laughed, but the sound was slightly strained. “Well, those books were locked up, apparently, or else I could never find them! I mean, I know their bodies are different, I just don’t-I haven’t seen-and then I don’t know the rest of it. How they fit together. It seems mysterious and-well, a little frightening, to tell you the truth.”
Cammon considered it. “I can tell you how it goes.”
The relief poured from her in waves. “You’ve made love to a girl?”
He nodded. “When I lived in Sovenfeld. I was seventeen. My father lived in one town for three whole months, and that’s when I got to know Murrie.”
He could tell that just the rhythm of his voice was calming her down. She was feeling both relaxed and hopeful. Cammon will help me. It wasn’t an articulated thought so much as an unshakable belief. She felt secure enough to allow some of her curiosity to surface. “Were you in love with her?”
He grinned. “Well-she was about ten years older than I was, and mostly bored, and she thought I was a funny kid. So I don’t know that I loved her. But I sure liked her a lot. We were silly together. I made her laugh and she made me feel good.” He felt his grin grow a little lopsided. “So I don’t know. Maybe you don’t ask too much more of love than that.”
“So?” she said. “How does it go?”
He paused, trying to figure out the words. “Well, you’d have to know what a man looks like. I don’t suppose you have drawing paper with you. I could sketch in the mud, I suppose.”
“You could show me,” she suggested.
He nodded. “I could, if you wanted. You realize I’ll be hanged if anybody sees me taking off my clothes in front of you.”
“Nobody ever comes down here except Valri and me. And the groom who brings fresh game, but he was here yesterday.”
If he was going to strip in front of the princess, Cammon wanted to be a lot more certain that no one would accidentally witness the event. He expanded his consciousness outward by feet and yards, searching for other souls wandering nearby. The Riders were the closest but they were acres away, focused on their mock battles. Farther still were gardeners, servants, grooms-the hundreds of people who lived and worked at the palace-but none were close enough to come upon him unawares.