Kissing Murrie had never been like this.
Kissing Murrie had led to-
Shocked, he lifted his head and stared down at her again. The gold mist abruptly evaporated, and so did Amalie’s feelings of warm satisfaction. She was afraid again.
“What?” she said. “What did I do wrong?”
He pushed himself back on his stool, resettled himself, but didn’t release her hand as he absolutely should have, except she looked so woebegone. “Not you. Me,” he said with emphasis. “I can’t be kissing the princess in the kitchens! And-and thinking all kinds of things! Amalie, I’m sorry.”
Now she pouted. “I wanted you to kiss me.” And then a little sideways smile. “And I liked it.”
He strangled on what should have been a laugh. “Well, yes, so did I, but-by the Bright Mother’s burning eye! It’s practically a treasonable offense.”
“I’m sure my father kissed plenty of girls before he married my mother,” she said.
“You know it’s not the same thing. You could probably kiss any number of serramar, too, and no one would think a thing.”
“Toland Storian,” she said in a provocative tone. “He kissed me.”
Cammon felt himself glowering. “I thought he did. I wished I could have punched him.”
“But I didn’t like it when he kissed me.”
She didn’t add the obvious corollary. Cammon put his free hand to his forehead and tried not to laugh. “You don’t understand,” he said. “I’m not very good at knowing how to do the proper thing. The expected thing. I don’t comprehend-” He waved his hand as if to indicate the whole kitchen, but he really meant to refer to the entire country. “About nobles and peasants, lords and ordinary people. What’s the difference between them? So part of me doesn’t understand why it is that I’m not good enough to kiss a princess.” He glanced over at her, still rubbing his fingers against his forehead. “And part of me does.”
She assumed her loftiest expression and touched his shoulder with the fingers of her right hand. “If your princess commands you-”
He released her hand and stood up, trying to smile. “Nobody is going to think that’s a good enough reason for me to act so badly.”
She stood up, too, looking a little lost, trying to hide it by smoothing down her nightdress and glancing around the kitchen. Her distress was clear to him, though, and he wanted to put his arms around her again. How was it possible that he had to be the one to preach propriety? He was the oblivious and feckless one too blithe to anticipate consequences. Why did he have to be the one to behave?
“I guess this is the reason Valri didn’t think I should spend too much time alone with you,” he said, attempting to speak lightly.
She gave a little shrug. “I think she was more afraid of what you would find out about my magic.” She was completely depressed.
He couldn’t bear it. “Amalie.” When she didn’t look at him, he put his hand under her chin and tilted her face up. “Amalie. You’re wrong in what you’re thinking.”
She jerked her head away. “You don’t know what I’m thinking.”
“Oh, yes, I do.”
And, because it was so much easier not to say the words aloud, he let them reach her silently. You’re embarrassed. You’re afraid I think you’re silly. You’re afraid I don’t like you. You wish you knew what I was thinking, because maybe I do like you. You wish you weren’t the princess. You wish that I was somebody else.
“No,” she said. The rest of his words had only made her blush, but this last sentence made her speak up. “No. I want you to be exactly who you are.”
He smiled. Maybe that was me, wishing I was somebody else. Someone who had a right to court a princess.
She turned away, blushing still, but a little less forlorn. “I can’t do that,” she said. “I can hear you, but I can’t put thoughts in your head that clearly.”
Whatever else you take away from this night, you should know at least two things, he said. I never, never, never want to hurt you. And I am pretty sure you’re going to break my heart.
Her chin went up at that. “Why would I? And say it out loud.”
He smiled, shrugged, looked away, smiled again. “Because one day pretty soon, you’re going to marry one of those serramar after all.”
That made her happy. His wretchedness and jealousy chased away her own insecurities, and now she was just another pretty girl who’d been kissed by a man she liked more than she wanted to admit. She smiled, ducked her head, failed to keep another blush at bay, and suddenly whirled around and headed for the door. He didn’t follow. She paused with her hand on the frame and gave him one quick look over her shoulder. Her words came to him, shaky and tentative and not entirely intelligible.
Maybe I won’t.
And then she giggled and swept through the door, into the dark corridor.
Cammon stood there a long moment, wondering exactly what she’d meant.
Maybe she wouldn’t marry? Or maybe she wouldn’t break his heart?
HE met Senneth and Tayse on the outskirts of Ghosenhall two days later. He had borrowed a horse and gone riding toward their small party, grinning at the exasperation Senneth was feeling toward her fresh recruits. Tayse exuded far more patience, though Cammon guessed it hadn’t been an easy trip for any of them. He could pick up a motley impression of their varied companions, full of awe and excitement and the sheer love of change that was inherent in every mystic. The city loomed before them, dazzling with promise. All of them were both eager and uneasy at the thought of stepping through the gates.
“A good trip, I take it,” Cammon greeted them as he pulled his horse around to ride alongside Senneth.
She gave him one quick, irascible look and decided not to answer. Tayse said, “We had a few inconveniences along the way.”
Cammon grinned. Just having them nearby was righting his sense of balance, seriously off-center for the past two days. “Why don’t you introduce me to everybody?”
Senneth arched her eyebrows at him, clearly asking why he had called her back to Ghosenhall so urgently if he was just going to engage in small talk when she arrived. “Do you have a few moments?” she asked pointedly.
He nodded. “Yes, of course. Though I have something I need to tell you.”
“I can take this lot to Jerril’s house,” Tayse offered.
“All right,” Senneth said. She turned in her saddle and began motioning people forward. “This is Baxter, he’s a shape-shifter.”
It took about fifteen minutes to go through the roster. Cammon picked up significant reserves of power from three of the mystics and made it a point to memorize their names. The others had a range of talents that would come in useful, but not as much ability as those three.
“Cammon’s a reader,” Senneth finished up. “So only think kind thoughts when he’s around.”
He grinned. “Something she herself never bothers to do.”
Tayse put up his right hand and motioned the others forward. They were nearly at the city gates now, and they were encountering all sorts of traffic. “Come with me. I’ll take you to the house where you’ll be boarding.”
Cammon and Senneth reined their own horses to a walk as the mystics pulled away. “You got a few really good ones,” he said. “That redheaded girl? She’s strong.”
“Really? She was so quiet on the whole journey that I began to wonder if I should even have brought her along.”
“Oh, I think so.”