But if I let it show, then it’d destroy the only truly good thing in my life. Robin was my best friend, and I’d couldn’t risk that.
I’d die if I lost Robin.
Robin threw himself onto his back, pillowing his head on his arms. I didn’t miss his wince or the way that his forehead furrowed in pain. I settled next to him on my side, massaging his temples. He winced again.
“How’s your head?” I asked.
“Handsome,” he smirked.
When I nudged his shoulder, he flinched. My eyes became flinty. So, he’d been whipped, just like Byron.
I swallowed hard at the thought that the two men in my life who I loved had both been beaten and I couldn’t protect either of them.
“The Princes?” I demanded because we both knew what I meant.
“They’re just in a bad mood, since they lost their Privilege Points. In SHP they were meant to be transfiguring a personal belonging into a paper ship. They almost got it right, but appear to have missed by a single letter.” When Robin’s lips quirked, I stared at him in confusion. “The stink as the shit rained down on them was appalling but hilarious. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help transforming into Mr Tailsy in my excitement and well, you know how impulsive I am in my squirrel form. Can I be blamed for climbing up the tall elf prince, when covered in that shit, he looked so much like a tree?”
Robin’s laugh rang through the Dreaming Space.
He was so handsome when he laughed. Did he know that his eyes crinkled at the edges? I cuddled closer to him, resting my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arm around me.
In joy, my magic wound out, curling around the beams like sparkling branches.
“You’re a wonder, Miss Crow,” Robin breathed. “My magic tingles like…” He flushed, dragging me even closer. “Even when we’re not together, I can sense you flowing through the academy. I’m never alone.”
My breath hitched. Then I smiled, dancing my magic to form a gleaming crown in front of us.
It was time for one of my favorite games, which we often played in the Dreaming Space: What If…?
“What if I’d been born as a non-magical queen and you were my trusted adviser?” I murmured.
Robin’s gaze became dreamy; it was the look he got, whenever we imagined ourselves safe out of the academy, cocooned together in our joined fantasies. “Then I’d be your loyal adviser at your side, and you’d be the admired queen in all the non-magical kingdoms. We’d dine on delicious meats and cakes, as well as the finest tea, of course.”
“Of course.”
“And I’d make the princes fight dragons to prove their worth as your husband.”
I waved my hand and my magic swirled into a dragon that roared, before fading away.
I scrunched up my nose. “Why must I marry?”
“What’s a queen without her king?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Historically speaking, more powerful.”
Robin avoided my gaze. “What if…I defeated the dragon and became your husband?”
When he pinked, I stiffened. I was suddenly aware of every place that Robin touched me, and how warm his skin was.
“Sweet Hecate, we both know that you’re more likely to cuddle the dragon than to slay it.” Why was I breathless, as my pulse fluttered in my throat?
Robin ducked his head. “Guilty.” Then he raised his head, and I swallowed, when I saw the seriousness of his gaze. “What if we ran away from the academy?”
I startled, wrenching away from Robin and banging my back with a sickening jolt against the wall. Robin’s face fell, before shuttering in a way that it never did with me.
That was how he looked in front of the Princes.
Don’t hide from me.
I reached out to him, but he only sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“We can’t leave the academy,” I explained in a terrified rush. What if somebody overheard us? What would they do to Robin? “How many times have we walked the wards looking for weaknesses? They can’t be broken, and the brand on your hand connects to the wards. You’re imprisoned here.”
Robin studied the brand, rubbing it angrily. “Merlin’s breath, I don’t believe that and nor does your papa.”
I flinched, imagining the swish — crack of the whip. Was Bryon suffering that right now?
“Don’t talk about dangerous things like that with papa,” I hissed. “Do you think him safe?”
Robin’s gaze hardened. “I know that he’s not, just like he’s aware that I’m not. I love him like a papa too. He’s a good man. Just like you worship, Hecate, mages should be free to worship our god, Pan. Your papa’s brave enough to allow me that.”
Was Bryon as reckless as Robin? If they were caught…
I sucked in desperate breaths. They’d be killed. I’d lose them both.
“It’s forbidden,” I insisted, desperately snatching Robin’s hands like I could get him to understand…promise that he’d never worship Pan in our coven-run academy, which was woven with Hecate’s magic.
Mages were our enemy and their god was an abomination. Although, I’d heard that Pan was beautiful.
Robin rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. “Studying the dead is also forbidden, but that didn’t stop mama. The witches shut you away not because you’re weak and need protection but because they fear your power. They want to contain and tame you. I know that I’m only a mage and don’t have the right to speak of this but…” He sought out my gaze, and when his tongue darted to wet his plush lips, I was mesmerized by his mouth. I wanted him like my insides were being wrung over and over and… “One day, I know that you can break free. These don’t need to remain as dreams. Don’t do it for me. I only ask that you do it for you. If you get the chance, leave here.”
His smile was small and sad like we were already separated.
I dived forward, clutching him hard to my chest. He was warm in my arms. We were together.
Why didn’t it feel like enough?
“Best friends?” I gasped.
He carded his fingers through my hair. “Always.”
I’d lost him, hadn’t I?
A tear slipped down my cheek, and then the world span.
My knees buckled, but Fox caught me, before I could hit the floor of the Memory Theater. He cradled me in his arms, stroking my hair as Robin had.
Except, Robin had been dead for over a century.
I was no longer a teenager, warm, or alive. But I had lost both Robin and Byron as I’d feared.
As Robin had known.
I’d made a promise to Robin, however, and nothing in the witching heavens would make me break it.
Damelza thought that remembering my past would tear me apart, but it’d only strengthened my determination to tear apart the academy.
The wards that’d trapped Robin and me were weakened. The House of Crows had relied since my birth on the Membership, with its wards and brands, to control the Rebels. They’d always been there, and they couldn’t conceive that one day they wouldn’t be.
Ah, glorious tradition.
I hoped that Damelza wouldn’t miss the irony when the very witch whose magic she relied upon, destroyed her own House.
“I didn’t save him,” I murmured.
Fox kissed the crown of my head. “It’s just a hunch, but I don’t think that Robin expected you to. But you’re powerful now like he said. You’re a vengeful spirit, right?”