But…nothing was there. Again.
Looking down while I wallowed in self-pity, I made it almost to the door when a voice scared the crap out of me. “Gia.”
I jumped, and my hand whipped to my chest. Rush was standing in the dark in front of my door.
“Holy crap. How long have you been standing there?”
“A while,” he said. “I was here waiting when you pulled up. It looked like you needed to take a minute in the car, so I didn’t want to walk over.”
“Yeah…I…” I looked over my shoulder behind me. Had I been that unaware of my surroundings that I hadn’t even seen his car when I pulled up? But I still didn’t see it. “Where’s your car?”
“I walked here.”
“That has to be at least a few miles.”
Rush shrugged. “I was drinking earlier, and I needed some time to think anyway. The walk did me good.”
Our gazes locked. “Oh.”
“You feel up to talking?”
“Of course.” I went to step forward to open the front door, and Rush stopped me.
“Would you mind if we sat in the yard? Maybe the lounge chairs to talk?”
“Sure. Can I get you a drink or something?”
Rush shook his head. “No thanks. I’m good.”
He stepped aside and put his hand out for me to walk first. While we made our way to the gate leading to the backyard, I wondered why he didn’t want to come in. Did he not want to be alone with me in my room? Did he think there would be yelling and he wanted privacy? Could I be overthinking it, and he just wanted to enjoy the nice weather tonight?
In the yard, Rush pulled two lounge chairs together and sat down on the edge of one facing me. I took his lead and sat across from him. The outside security lights had illuminated when we’d walked by, so I caught the first up-close look at him in the light.
Rush looked awful. Like he’d gone on a bender and someone ran over his dog while he watched. His hair definitely had withstood a continuation of this morning’s tug-of-war.
He rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head. “How are you feeling?”
“Physically, I’m good. Tired. But good.”
“You’re going to need more rest. Keep off your feet when you can.”
I smiled. “Well, I can do that at work now. Thanks to you.”
He nodded. “I did a lot of thinking today.”
“Okay…”
“I thought about the things you said that you’re worried about: You’re not ready. You live in a studio apartment. You don’t have a steady job and you don’t know how to be a mother.”
Wow. He’d really listened. “I didn’t mean to unload all of my problems on you. I was just rambling because I’m scared.”
“Well, you need to reduce stress now. Not increase it worrying about things. So I want to help.”
My hopes rose. “What do you mean?”
“First, the studio apartment in Queens. There’s something I haven’t mentioned to you about your summer rental.”
“What?”
“I own it.”
“You bought the house?”
“Not today. I meant I’m the owner you rented from, well, my corporation is. This house and two others out here were part of my inheritance from my grandfather. He actually owned a bunch, and he split them up between my brother, my father and me—like he did with a lot of his other businesses.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
Rush chuckled. “I have no fucking idea. I thought it was funny at first, an odd coincidence, and then I just forgot about that you didn’t know.”
“That’s so weird. There are thousands of houses out here, and you happen to own the one that I’m renting for the summer? And I happen to get a job in your bar?”
“My mother would say someone up there…” He shook his thumb up at the sky. “…wanted us to meet.”
I smiled. “I’d have to say I agree with her.”
“Anyway. It’s not rented after Labor Day. Normally, I just get a couple of straggler rentals for a few weekends here and there in the off-season, not much until next summer. If I calculated correctly, your due date will be the end of the winter. Stay out here. Use the house over the winter rent-free. You can give up your studio apartment in Queens and save some money until next summer comes.”
Wow. Totally not what I expected, but it was also a lot more than I could accept from him.
“Rush…that’s very generous of you, but…”
He raised his hand stopping me. “Let me finish. This solves a lot of your worries, not just the studio apartment one. You want to write—the book you’re writing is set in the Hamptons. You said yourself you’d be happy if you could turn it into a series. Well, you’ll write that series better by staying out here. And, I pretty much lose my entire staff after Labor Day. The restaurant closes in October, but I keep the bar open year-round. It turns into a bunch of locals who don’t drink all the stupid shit that the summer brats out here drink. So I’ll teach you how to make a few drinks, and you can stay on as my bartender so that you have steady work.”
“Rush…I don’t know what to say…”
His hand went up again. “Not done yet.”
I smiled, my hopes growing by the minute. “Okay.”
“The last thing you’re worried about—not ready to be a mother. I can’t really help you there, myself.
But I have the perfect person who can—my mother raised me alone. I’m sure she would love to come out and spend time with you and teach you mom shit.”
“Mom shit…”
“Whatever you need to learn to make yourself feel better.”
This morning I’d dropped a bomb on this man, and instead of getting pissed off and running for the hills, he’d spent the day trying to solve all of my problems for me. And he had most of it figured
out. It was incredibly generous and thoughtful. But he’d missed the most important part of what I’d said this morning. Or maybe he hadn’t…
“Rush. That is the most kind and generous offer that anyone has ever attempted to give me. And I truly appreciate it more than you will ever know. But…” I wasn’t sure how to say what I really wanted after he’d just given me so much.
“What?”
“I did say all those things. And I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate all that you’re offering and how much you thought about things today. But the point of me telling you all of that earlier wasn’t so that you can solve my problems. The point was, when I was done telling you how afraid I am of all those things…” I took a deep breath and locked gazes with Rush before getting to the most important part. “I told you I was afraid of all those things and yet what terrifies me the most is…what happens between me and you now.”
Rush’s eyes told me the answer before he found the words. He looked distraught and sad, mixed with a touch of what I thought might be guilt. With a deep breath, he reached forward and squeezed my knee.
“I’m sorry, Gia. I really am. I just…I’m not ready for a family. I wasn’t even sure if I saw a serious relationship in my life at all before I met you. It’s why I kept trying to slow us down. You’re an amazing woman, and I want to help you however I can. But shit just got real, and now it’s not just you I’ll fuck up when I eventually…I just…I’m not ready for this.”
It felt like a fifty-pound weight had settled onto my chest. It made it hard to breathe. “I understand.”
He squeezed my knee again to get my attention. Rush looked as sad as I felt. “Stay in the house.
Work the winter at The Heights. Let me help in that way, at least.”
The taste of salt in my throat told me I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the tears much longer.
Rush felt bad enough. He was trying to do the right thing as much as he could. This wasn’t his burden to carry. I stood. “It’s a lot to think about. But I really appreciate your offer.”