“Gia…” He stood. It was torture not being able to reach out and touch him in the moment.
“I gotta go inside. Nature calls.”
He looked crestfallen but nodded.
I held my head high as I hurried to the door—hoping, just hoping, that I could disguise my running away as bravery and make it a little bit easier for Rush.
Morning sickness apparently doesn’t always come in the morning.
Tonight’s special was pan-fried salmon and garlic parmesan roasted asparagus. I’d always loved the smell of the kitchen at The Heights, until I walked in two nights after my conversation with Rush. I had to literally run to the bathroom where I proceeded to lose the little bit I had eaten during the day.
My head hung over the toilet as I dry heaved. Nothing was left, but apparently my stomach didn’t get the message. The bathroom door creaked open then shut.
“You okay?” Rush’s voice was low.
I gagged when I opened my mouth to answer.
“What can I do?” From the closeness of his voice, I knew he was standing right on the other side of the stall door.
“Could you maybe get me something to drink? Some caffeine-free Coke?”
“Sure. Be right back.” The door opened and closed and a few minutes later, Rush was back inside the ladies’ room.
“Do you want me to slip it under the door. Or are you coming out?”
I reached up and unlatched the bolt that kept the door shut but didn’t get up from the floor. Rush gently pushed it open. He knelt down next to me with a glass of soda. “Here you go.”
I took a few hesitant sips and shook my head. “Thanks. I’m sorry. I didn’t see that coming. I just walked into the kitchen, and I guess the smell got to me.” After being off yesterday, the first contact I had with this man had to be in a bathroom stall. More proof that he should run the other way.
Rush sat down on the floor next to me. “Don’t apologize. If men had to go through the shit that women do, the human race would’ve been extinct a long time ago.”
I smiled.
He brushed a hair off my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I hope that doesn’t happen too often though. The cleaning company was just here for the day.
The thought of having my head in the toilet bowl after people use the stalls all night is enough to make me want to throw up again.”
Rush smiled. “Hang on a second.”
He got up and disappeared. Two minutes later he was back with a piece of paper and masking tape.
He ripped two pieces off the roll and taped the paper onto the door of the stall I was still sitting in.
“There. Now this is your stall only.”
I looked up and read what he’d written on the paper now taped to the door. OUT OF ORDER.
I laughed. “You can’t put a stall out of order just in case I need to get sick.”
“Like fuck I can’t. It’s my place. There’re two other stalls. Anyone doesn’t like it, they can come talk to me, and I’ll tell ’em there’s a whole ocean out back. Go piss in that.” He extended his hand with a little silver tool that looked like an Allen key.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It’s to open the door when the latch is closed, so you don’t have to crawl underneath to use your clean stall. You just slip it through the crack in the door, and twist. It opens the latch. You’d be surprised how many little brats come in with their parents for dinner and think it’s funny to go into a stall, lock it, and then crawl out underneath.”
He was continuing to kill me with his kindness. It only made me want him more when I could no longer have him.
“Well, thank you. I really appreciate this.”
“You’re welcome.” He lingered silently for a bit before he said, “Anyway…I, uh, hope you don’t mind, I told my mother about the pregnancy. She wants you to know that you can call her anytime if you need to talk. I’ll text you her info.”
Wow.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about Melody knowing, but something told me I was going to need to take her up on that.
“That’s really nice of her. Thank you.”
A few nights later, I was alone in my room having what felt like a panic attack. I’d gone to the doctor earlier in the day, and he told me that I was indeed pregnant. He scheduled me for my first ultrasound at the next appointment.
The formal news was no surprise, but it was still jarring to hear it confirmed beyond the shadow of a doubt.
The shock of my pregnancy was starting to wear off, and the reality was sinking in. Everything was starting to hit me at once.
The fact that I was going to be a mother.
The fact that I hadn’t even told my dad yet.
Losing Rush. That was the hardest thing to accept. Well, maybe it would have been easier if I’d lost him totally. He was still around, making sure I was comfortable and safe at work, offering anything I needed when the only thing I really needed was his goddamn heart.
His being around made things even harder, because I yearned for more, for what we had—for him. I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me at night. I’d felt so safe in his arms. And now, just when I needed him most, I couldn’t have him in that way, and it wasn’t fair of me to expect it.
So, as I stared at Melody’s beautiful sunset painting, which now stood for all of the hope that had been drained from my life, I realized I really needed to talk to someone. Feeling desperate, I looked up Rush’s mom’s contact information that he’d texted me and made the impulsive decision to call her.
After she answered, I said, “Melody?”
“Gia?”
She knew it was me. Rush must have told her to expect my call.
“Hi. I…uh…Rush told me it would be okay if I called you.”
“Of course. He told me about your news. I would say congratulations, but I remember how that felt when people used to say it to me in the beginning. You don’t feel ready for that because you’re still harboring so much doubt about your abilities.” She sighed into the phone. “Everything will be okay, Gia. I know it may not seem like that right now.”
Her calming words made me even more emotional. Is this what it’s like to have a mother to talk to?
I didn’t waste any time getting to the point. “Would it be okay if I came to see you…to talk in person?”
“Of course. Are you sure you’re feeling up to driving out here, because I could go there?”
“I’d actually like to come see you. I think I need to get out of town for a bit.”
When I told Rush I was planning to go see his mother, he refused to let me drive my car, fearing it wouldn’t make it all the way there.
He rented me a comfortable Honda CRV, despite my insistence that he not worry about me. But once on the freeway, I was grateful not to have to white knuckle my way through the ride.
On the way to Melody’s, I grabbed a decaf tea from Starbucks and put on a romance audiobook about this hot Australian guy and a damn goat. The weather was perfect for a long ride, and it ended up being very relaxing, just what I needed to clear my head somewhat before seeing her.
Melody was gardening outside when I pulled into her driveway. She brushed the dirt off her smock and came over to the car. I rolled down the window.
“You made it in good time.” She smiled.
“Yeah. Traffic was light.”
We stepped inside. It was comforting to be back in her home, surrounded by all of the bright colors and paintings. Melody had a very Bohemian style, and there was a zen vibe throughout the place.
We sat down in her kitchen where she’d set up a fruit and cheese plate along with a large pitcher of lemonade.
I clasped my hands together and rested my elbows on the table. “Thank you for meeting me. I know how strange this must be…to be talking to your son’s ex-girlfriend who’s pregnant by someone else.”
She shook her head as if to tell me my concerns were unfounded. “It’s my pleasure, Gia. I was definitely surprised when Rush told me and a little disappointed, to be honest.” She quickly placed her hand on mine to clarify. “Not in you…just in the fact that I knew what that might mean for you and my son.”