“Sorry about that. I really hope we didn’t wake you,” Blake runs his hand through his hair. “But since you’re awake, Rylie has something to tell you, and she’s been waiting for a very long time for you to wake up.”
Blake’s eyes widen as he explains my daughter’s frustration. I fully open my eyes and give her my absolute attention. This must be important.
“Well, what is it?” I ask.
She drops her eyes from mine, focusing them on the bland sheets covering my even more bland gown. Can’t they get some happy colors in here?
“What is it, Rylie? Are you okay?” My heart rate picks up. I can say this with certainty; I hear it on the monitor.
She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Mommy, I didn’t pick up the skate like you told me to and you fell! All because of me!” She buries her head in my chest, shoulders shaking from her powerful sobs.
I widen my eyes and look up at Blake. I had no idea she would put two and two together so quickly.
“Rylie! No!” I raise my voice a little. “Sweetie, that was an accident. I don’t blame you. I would never blame you.” I let her cry for a while, and then lift her away from me, making sure she can see my eyes. “This is not your fault, baby. Don’t blame yourself. Accidents happen all the time, okay? You just have to make sure you try to keep them from happening.”
She wipes her nose with her sleeve, and it kind of makes me nauseated.
“Soooo…” I stall, trying to think of something to make her feel better. Got it. “Let’s make you part of the Accident Prevention Police.” Nycole lets out a loud laugh, and I shoot her a look that silences her immediately. I watch her cover her mouth, and I dip my head at her in return, demonstrating my thanks. My eyes move back to Rylie’s.
“Okay. So, you, my dear, are on accident duty. Anytime you see something that looks like it needs to be put up, or anything that could cause an accident, you pick it up, or come get me or Blake and let us know, okay. This job is very important, especially for when the baby comes home, okay? Do you think you can do that?” Flashing me her beautiful smile, her eyes light up and she looks to Blake for approval.
He nods his head at her before looking back to me. “Alex, there’s also something else that Rylie needs to tell you.” After giving me the signal that the news isn’t going to push me into cardiac arrest, Blake slowly steps back and nudges his head at Rylie.
“Well, what other exciting news do you have to share, my little stinky bee?”
She grins at me before opening her mouth as wide as physically possible and points to one of her bottom teeth. “I have a loose tooth, Mommy! Look, I can wiggle it. First Nycole, then Kyndall, now me!”
Placing my finger on her tooth, I move it back and forth. Sure enough, it’s loose. “Wow, Rylie! You are getting so big.”
After giving her a proud smile, I glance back up at Blake. “How is everything?”
“The baby’s doing great.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “The doctors can’t believe how well he’s doing, actually. He should be able to come home within the next couple of weeks.” He pauses. “And…before I forget, you might want to call Harlow. She’s blowing up my phone. I turned yours off after her last calling spree.” I giggle because I know exactly what he’s talking about.
“Okay, I’ll call her in a bit.”
I catch a glimpse of Kyndall, who’s standing just behind Blake’s legs, peeking out from behind him. My smile fades; I knew this would be the hardest for her. Headband in, pretty light blue tea length dress and of course, flip flops, her big blue-grey eyes meet mine. I motion for her to come to me and she slowly moves her feet in my direction to stand right beside Rylie. I run my hand down her cheek, trying to give her a little encouragement.
“Kyndall, I love you, sweetie. Mommy’s fine, I promise. I’m fine…the baby’s fine; everything’s going to be okay. Trust me.” I hold her beautiful eyes with mine until I see a relieved breath escape her lips and a slight smile appear on her face. I nod my head, letting her know I mean exactly what I say, and lightly skim her cheek once again with my fingers.
Nycole, in a pair of jean shorts and her favorite One Direction t-shirt, hair pulled back in a conservative ponytail, is also standing next to Blake, holding his hand. Being Nycole, she gives me time with the other girls before coming to me. Wise beyond her years.
Once I’ve addressed the other two, she simply walks over to me and embraces my neck. I release my hand from Rylie’s and wrap my arms tightly around her. My eyes flood with tears as I look over her shoulder at Blake, who maintains his distance during my time with the girls. Hands in his pockets, he just watches from afar.
No, this will not do.
With Kyndall standing right next to me, her hands latched on the arm still embracing Nycole, and Rylie sitting on the bed beside my hip, her hand laid gently on my stomach, I reach for him. As he crosses the room and takes hold of my hand, a smile spreads across his beautiful, unshaven face, and there’s genuine happiness in his eyes, shining with tears of his own. He reaches with his other hand and places it on Rylie’s knee, completing our circle.
And even though we’ve said it before, it’s at this moment that it becomes truly clear in my mind, and I accept it without question.
Our life.
From the hospital bed, I watch Blake packing up my clothes into the navy blue overnight bag. I’m still in a lot of pain, but, I’m here. Our baby is alive and doing well. My uterus was evidently taken as collateral damage, but surprisingly, I’m okay with that. I can’t explain it, but ever since I woke up, there’s a noticeable calm inside of me, instead of the constant worry and anxiety that I didn’t even realize I was feeling. I feel lighter, and it’s not the fact that I no longer have a baby or uterus in my body, although I’m sure that helps.
As Blake passes me, I extend my arm in front of him, blocking his path, and once I have his full attention, I pat the bed beside me. He grins down at me and takes a seat. The bed dips down beside me, and I smile at him as it creaks, protesting his weight. It does it every time, and every time I laugh. I have no idea why. Chuckling under his breath, he reaches and runs his knuckles down my cheek.
Grabbing his hand, I place his palm against my cheek and just hold it there for a while. His green eyes meet mine, and the love that fills them takes my breath away. I breathe in deeply and release his hand as he speaks. “You ready to go?”
I glance around the dreadful room. “Um, no. I would like to stay a bit longer, actually. I really like it here. The food is awesome, as well as the flattering hospital attire.” I let out a little laugh, but I stop when I remember that lovebug won’t be coming with us right now. “I feel bad, leaving him here.”
Blake’s lips press together and he lets out a sigh. “I know, but it’s for the best. He’s doing well and they said he would be able to come home in a few weeks if he continues gaining weight. Plus, we’ll come up here as much as we can, together.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Blake lowers himself down and brushes a feather light kiss on my lips. Placing his forehead against mine, he says, “He’s going to be fine, Alex.” I nod back at him, and after giving me a quick peck on my temple, he rises off the bed. It squeaks and I cup my hand over my mouth. Looking back over his shoulder, he shakes his head and reaches for the bags.
There’s a knock at the door, and soon after, I’m unloading myself from the wheelchair into the Suburban.
Taking Blake’s hand, I use his strength to push myself in, buckling myself as soon as I’m seated. I’m ready to get home. To our home.