What does that tell you?
She imagined that the man who had designated her for death could be in any shadow. He could be hiding behind any tree. He could be watching from any dark space or from behind any closed window.
Jordan took a quick stride forward, angling a few steps toward the lights of the library, feeling an electric surge of fear coursing within her.
Then, abruptly, she stopped.
Again she slowly looked around. A part of her still wanted to believe that the letter and the threat it contained were all part of an elaborate practical joke. If so many people hate you, she thought, it makes sense. Students like to pick on the most vulnerable. Despite all the well-meaning bans on hazing and emphasis on friendliness at the school, there was always an undercurrent of tension. Jealousy, anger, sexual predation, illicit drug or alcohol use-all the things that caused frightened parents to send their children away to avoid what existed in the shadow school.
Why wouldn’t murder?
Jordan remained frozen in place. Her eyes drifted to the dark edges that surrounded her. She tried to identify shapes, but the night made them seem like hundreds of pieces of several jigsaw puzzles all mixed together. Each belonged to a single answer, each could be joined with others to make a single clear picture, but all tossed together, they formed an impossible and incomprehensible mess.
For a second, the fear-wave within her made her unsteady. The breeze seemed to swirl around her, threatening to pick her up and shake her. She felt cold and sweaty all at once.
She lifted her head, like an animal seeking a strange scent.
Alone is good, she thought. It might have been a contradiction to all good sense, but she clung to it, speaking to herself, as if the Jordan walking through the darkness could have a conversation with the Jordan filled with doubt and worry.
If you told someone, if you shared the threat with anyone, all they would do is tell you what they imagine you should do. They won’t have any damn idea whether it’s right or wrong. That’s what the Wolf will want. He wants you to listen to others-a friend, although you don’t have any; a teacher, although there are none you trust; an administrator, who will be more worried about the school’s image than your life; or your parents, who have no time for anything but themselves and who probably would find it better if the Wolf succeeded and you were no longer out there creating a problem for them to fight over.
Jordan actually managed a wry grin. She cast her eyes about, searching every odd shape and dark corner. Alone in the woods, she thought. Well, you’re goddamn right about that.
She started to move forward slowly, only one thought ricocheting around within her:
Alone is the only way to win.
Not knowing for an instant whether to believe herself, Jordan hurried out of the darkness toward the lights of the library. She intended to read much more that evening. Not history or science or foreign languages, like all the other students at the school. Jordan had decided to study murder. She thought it was fortunate that she was such a quick learner. And she also told herself that this was one course she could not afford to flunk.
The Big Bad Wolf had awakened early in the morning in order to do some work in the final minutes of dark before dawn light filled his small office. This was always a productive time. Most people, he believed, awakened sluggish and irked at the thought of another day of soul-deadening routine, in a fog until they slammed down a cup or two of coffee.
Not him. The Wolf was filled with enthusiasm and excitement over the coming day, because he had planned something he thought would be truly inventive and unsettling. He imagined it was the way an athlete would feel awaiting the opening whistle of a big game. Murder, as he’d written, lent itself to sporting metaphors.
Words crowded the screen in front of him. His focus was intense. As always, he spent a few moments considering his position in the world of violent death.
As he typed furiously, in an almost a stream-of-consciousness style- though he detested that type of writing, because he thought it lazy and indulgent-he imagined himself some sort of existential hero. Grendel, he believed. Hannibal Lecter. Raskolnikov. Meursault.
I am not precisely an assassin, although we share many qualities. An assassin has some political fury behind his act. Whether this is John Wilkes Booth leaping from the balcony to the stage shouting “Sic semper tyrannis!” or an anarchist taking aim at the archduke riding in his car down the wrong street in Sarajevo or even a Borgia plot that imagines death as the easiest way to consolidate power. To an assassin, the end justifies the means. That same quality may be true for me and my three Reds and for many murderers-but the difference lies in the approach. The assassin settles in to the Book Depository’s sixth floor and aims down the barrel of his Carcano 6.5 mm carbine at the president’s head and remembers his Marine Corps training as he gently squeezes the trigger. “Red mist,” they call it now in shooting circles. But for me, that moment is the easiest. It is the buildup that creates the real excitement of that inevitable gathering together. I do not imagine that an assassin gains the same pleasure as I do in planning the act. Perhaps it is the difference between foreplay and orgasm, between being an attentive lover and merely being eager to conclude. Maybe.
But the thing that distinguishes me from an assassin is the nature of our intimacy. While we each may have studied our victims with precision, the assassin hates what he intends to kill and wants to make some allegedly important point. Everything he does is designed for that moment. A death is scheduled to create a vacuum that the assassin believes will be filled by what he wants. In a way, this is limiting. My own approach with the three Reds is far more intense. I have no political restrictions on my design. The three Reds are part of a grand design. What I plan is far closer to art than politics. I may have important points to make, but these are like brushstrokes, not loud speeches. I won’t be leaping from any balcony to a stage shouting “The South is avenged!” but someday soon I will be just as famous.
For me, it’s not about hatred. Instead, I am in love with my three Reds.
But each love is different.
Just as each death has to be different.
A powerful smell of bacon began to penetrate the office. The Big Bad Wolf craned his head, and he could hear sizzling coming from the stove. The popping noise was likely to soon join with the more subtle sounds of eggs being scrambled and the toaster ejecting slices of toast. It would probably be sourdough, which Mrs. Big Bad Wolf made in her own electric bread maker, and which she knew was his favorite.
Mrs. Big Bad Wolf liked to prepare large breakfasts. Most important meal of the day. He remembered that phrase from the movie Ordinary People. When did it come out? Twenty years ago? Thirty? Donald Sutherland was seated across from Timothy Hutton in their Lake Forest mansion and was trapped by his son’s grief and confusion and trying desperately to inject some sort of understandable normalcy into their day-to-day turmoil. Except he was thwarted when Hutton hesitated and Mary Tyler Moore, who played the cold and damaged mother, swept the breakfast away from her son and dashed it into the sink and the disposal.