There were photos on some of the shelves: David and Stephanie smiling stiffly at a black-tie function; Stephanie in the yard of their East Hampton place, looking washed out against the red front door; David, Ned, and Liz in the cockpit of Ned’s sailboat. They were soaked, and Ned and Liz were grinning widely. The door opened and Stephanie came in.
She was pale and barefoot, and dressed in jeans and a gray wool sweater. She wore her hair loose. It fell in a dark wave to her shoulders, framing her sharp features and softening them. Her eyes were red and shadowed and larger than ever, and her face had lost its typical tics and tensions. She had instead a remote, distracted look, like a convalescent, preoccupied with the waxing and waning of her symptoms and pains. Her steps were stiff and careful across the room, as if her bones were hollow and a sudden gust might carry her away. She curled in a deep chair and tucked her small white feet beneath her. She had a glass of water, and she sipped from it and held it in her lap. There was something almost shy in the way she looked at me.
“It’s not a conversation I expected to have,” Stephanie said, and managed the thinnest of smiles. There was a tremble in her voice, and a deep fatigue.
“You and me both,” I said.
“It’s hard to believe the mess he’s made of everything- that woman, the videos, and now this. I should be worried about the police, but I keep thinking of TV, of all things- the way the cameras chase people down the street…what they’d do to us. I try to think of who would still speak to me, whom I could look in the eye.” Stephanie shook her head and picked at a seam on her jeans. “Do you know why I wanted to talk to you?”
“Not because we’ve been so close.”
Stephanie shook her head. “It’s more because we never pretended to be,” she said. “We’ve never liked each other-” I started to speak but she waved it away. “Don’t bother, John, not now. We’ve never liked each other, but we’ve never faked it, either; we’ve never lied to each other that way. In fact, you’re the only one in this nightmare who hasn’t lied to me.”
“Mike Metz-”
“I don’t know Mike Metz from Adam. Maybe he’s as good a lawyer as everyone says- I pray to God he is- and maybe when I get to know him I’ll trust him. But right now he’s just a voice on the phone, and I don’t have it in me to talk to a stranger about this, not yet. What I want now is someone I know, and someone who won’t bullshit me.”
“Even if it’s someone you don’t particularly like?”
Again a fragile smile. “Strange, huh, trusting a person you don’t like?”
“Not the strangest thing.”
The little smile turned rueful, and then disappeared. “Not as strange as being married to a person you don’t trust, for instance.”
“It happens,” I said, and I took a deep breath and took out my notebook. “There are questions I have to ask.”
She nodded. “And I don’t want to be arrested. So if that’s the price, go on.”
If only it were that simple, I thought, and then I asked and she answered.
“I guess I’ve known, in a general way, for a while,” she said. “I didn’t catch him in bed with one of them, or anything, but he gets a certain tone, irritated and guilty at the same time, when I ask an inconvenient question about where he’s been or where he’ll be. And he has a certain look sometimes when he comes home, furtive and a little smug. It took me a few years to catch on, but eventually I did. I suppose there was a part of me that didn’t want to know. Not surprising, I guess.
“I found out about this one not long after New Year’s. She left a message-‘David, why don’t you call?’ or something like that. David had seemed more tense than usual, and he’d been drinking more, and I knew something was eating at him. Then I heard that message, and I knew what.”
“Did you say anything to him?”
She managed another smile, this one bitter. “You think there’d be much point to that?”
“Probably not.”
“I didn’t think so, either, but I tried anyway. He actually got angry at me- he got angry at me-and then he just lied. ‘Nothing’s wrong, busy with the new job,’ things along those lines. I knew it was crap, but…” The muscles in Stephanie’s jaw tightened as she worked her anger back into its pen.
“How did you meet her?”
Her face darkened, and she shook her head. “She was downstairs, if you can believe it. It was a Thursday night and I was coming back from yoga. I came up to the front door, and there was a woman in the lobby, shouting at the doorman. Her voice was all breathy and theatrical, but it was familiar too, though I didn’t know from where. For some reason, I stayed out on the sidewalk and listened. And then I realized she was shouting about David.
“ ‘Don’t lie to me. Don’t tell me he’s not home when I just saw him go in. March- Apartment Ten-A.’ She sounded crazy, and then I knew who it was. She stormed out after that, and passed right by me. I was shocked by how she looked…how beautiful she was.”
“You spoke to her?”
“Not then.”
“Then how-”
“I followed her,” Stephanie said, and her cheeks colored.
“Followed her where?”
“To Eighty-sixth Street, and onto the subway, and then I followed when she got off in Brooklyn, all the way back to her apartment.” Stephanie saw something in my face and shook her head. “I didn’t plan it- it just happened. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and I…had to do it.”
Shit. “Is that when you spoke to her- at her apartment?”
“That was the next day. All that night, I thought about…” She paused, and squeezed her eyes shut, and pinched the bridge of her nose. She said something under her breath- a curse maybe- and looked up. “David was worse than ever that night, snapping at everything I said, and drinking… When it was all abstract, when the women were faceless, it was easier to pretend. But hearing her voice, seeing herI couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, about the two of them, and I had to do something. So the next day I went to see her.”
“What happened?”
“It was terrible. She was laughing, and…I never saw a camera, but David told me she recorded it.”
“We only saw a part of it. I need to know the whole thing.”
Stephanie hunched her shoulders and drank some water. “I said my name in the intercom, and she knew who I was right away, and started laughing. She let me in to her apartment, and I sat, and for the longest time she didn’t say anything. She just stared at me and waited. The apartment was horrible- tiny and dark- and that building…But somehow, the way she looked at me, she made me feel- I don’t know- as if I were underdressed or something. Finally, I just said what I had to say.”
“Which was?”
“I told her to leave David alone. I told her to find her own husband and to stop harassing mine. She didn’t say anything for a while; she just kept watching me, as if I were some sort of specimen. And then she laughed again. I got angry- angrier- and said some other things.”
“What things?”
“I cursed at her, and she laughed harder. Finally she started talking.”
“About what?”
Stephanie looked out the window, at a solitary figure slowly circling the reservoir- a plodding black shape against the blue-white snow. Her face stiffened and ridges appeared at her jawline again. “She asked questions…about me and David.”
“What questions?”
“She asked why I let my husband fuck other women.” The words caught in her throat and a red patch appeared on her neck. “She asked how I could be married to him and let that happen- why I’d married him in the first place if I was going to let him do that. Why I stayed married. Why I put up with it all.