“Nice to meet you,” I said, like we were at some kind of formal tea and not in the middle of hell. Politeness was born and bred into me, no matter how much I’d pretended to be—and enjoyed being—a wild child with Mathias.
Tru smiled. “Are you hungry? I’m having some food brought over to my house. If you want to follow me, we could talk a little.”
I glanced around but saw no sign of Mathias.
“It’s okay. The men need to talk. You’re safe—with me and inside this compound.” She spoke firmly and I really had no choice but to follow her. It was that nearly pitch-black out—darkness like that seemed to follow whenever the storms subsided, and with only low lights surrounding us, I’d lost all sense of time. It could be midnight or middle of the afternoon and for the first time I realized it really didn’t matter.
Before I got far, Mathias was next to me, handing me an old Walkman and a couple of tapes. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything before disappearing into the warehouse again, but I held on to what he’d given me as surely as if they were my lifeline.
Tru simply watched the exchange silently, and then we continued walking. I stayed close to her as she wound through the lit paths of the compound. We passed groups of people and they called out to her and looked at me curiously and I wondered how much people knew. “How big is this place?”
She waited until we were inside the small house to reply, “We’ve got about a hundred and fifty people here now.”
“And they’re all MC members?”
“The men officially are. The women and children live on the compound because of the Chaos. Before Chaos, that wouldn’t happen. The compound was like the men’s sacred meeting place.” She managed to say it with both an air of reverence and partially like she knew she was humoring the men. “We’re locked down pretty tightly.”
“That’s good.” I took a seat at the table that had two trays of covered food on it and Tru sat across from me. She uncovered plates of burgers and fries and pushed one at me.
“This is from the local diner that’s right here on the compound. Best burger around.” She bit into it and closed her eyes like she was savoring it. I did the same and immediately understood. This food was delicious, and I hadn’t expected that outside of my protected world. Not when people were always picketing the areas where they thought our bunkers were, because they barely had any food, and it appeared that none of it was good.
We ate in silence, and then Tru pushed her plate away and studied me. “Do you want to talk about what happened out there?”
“Not really.”
She gave a sympathetic nod, but even though she was my age, it seemed like she was playing the authority card. “Look, I came back here six months ago. I was marched here by a rival gang and I wasn’t exactly given a warm welcome back into the fold. I stayed here for a while until Caspar could figure out what to do with me.”
“What did he decide?”
“He made me his.” There was a spark in her eyes when she said it. I rubbed my neck without realizing it, running my fingers over the bite mark hidden beneath the collar of my sweatshirt. I wondered if Mathias had made me his with that mark or if there was more to it than that.
Tru gave me a smile that let me know she’d figured out what had happened between me and Mathias. There didn’t appear to be any judgment on that end, but maybe she was just being nice. Or trying to get information from me.
Instead of spending time deciding what I was going to tell the people of Defiance, I’d spent time rolling around with Mathias. And while I didn’t regret a single moment of it, I chewed my bottom lip before saying, “Is that the way it is around here?”
“Mostly, yes,” Tru said. “The guys around here like to protect us. I suspect you know what that’s like.”
“Smothered,” I mumbled and she laughed.
“Yes, at times. I guess there can be worse things.”
I’d seen them firsthand, but I didn’t feel like talking about it. “Mathias said Defiance isn’t like the Lords.”
Her face clouded. “The only thing we have in common is that we’re both motorcycle clubs. The LoV have no honor. They’ve been around a long time, but the Chaos made them worse. To them, women are chattel.”
“Sounds like you’ve got firsthand experience with them.”
“I know you do.”
So we were here already. “They didn’t hurt me. I realize why now. They were going to sell me to Keller. I had to be in one piece.” I stared down at my hands and thought about Mathias, and then I looked Tru in the eyes. “What are you guys planning on doing with me?”
“Keeping you safe until you decide what you want to do.”
“So if I wanted to go back home...”
“Do you?”
“I don’t want to go anywhere. Not right now.”
“Fair enough.”
I hadn’t mentioned Charlie and she didn’t bring him up either, so I moved on to another topic. “So this motorcycle club...is Mathias a part of it?”
“He’s been here for six months. He’s fought for Defiance. He’s more like an honorary member at this point, because he hasn’t decided if he wants completely in yet. Same goes for Bishop,” Tru said.
I stored that information away as a knock on the door interrupted us. Tru called, “It’s open,” and a blonde, blue-eyed, all-American-looking woman with a tentative smile came inside.
“Hey, doll!” Tru bounced up and went over to the woman for a hug. “Aimee, this is Jessa.”
Aimee said hi and let Tru tug her to the table. “How are you doing, Jessa? I’m sure this is a bit of culture shock for you.”
I eyed Tru. I guessed word of who I was had gotten out.
“Sorry—I know because I work in the infirmary. We were informed that you take priority,” Aimee explained to me before Tru could say anything. “I should’ve let Tru tell you.”
“That’s okay. I’m just...a little paranoid,” I said honestly.
“Understandable.” Aimee had a gentle way about her. “Listen, when you’re feeling a little more settled, I’d like to bring you to the infirmary to have a checkup. Unless you’d feel more comfortable having the doctor come here.”
“I feel okay. I think,” I said. “I don’t really like doctors much.”
Aimee smiled, like it wasn’t the first time she heard that, and said to Tru, “Well, she fits in here.”
“Jessa, we’d all feel better knowing you’re okay,” Tru persisted.
“The LoV didn’t touch me. Not like that,” I said quickly. “But okay. Maybe later.”
“Good. We’ll hold you to it,” Tru said.
“Okay, so since Aimee already knows...can you tell me what being the daughter of the VP’s like? Because it sounds exciting, even though it doesn’t sound like my thing.”
There was genuine curiosity, and I had enough about her return to Defiance as well, so I figured a question answered is a question asked. “It wasn’t mine either,” I said ruefully. “I wore expensive dresses, met high-level people, ate the best food, was exposed to the best education and still...”
And still, I could trace the scars on the insides of my wrists with my thumbs as we sat there talking. Something was wrong with me. Fucked in the head, I’d heard Charlie say the other day, and he’d obviously always felt that way.
But it was different here. I couldn’t have explained it easily, but I tried. I thought about that glimpse of Caspar and Tru together, and decided that if the leader of Defiance could look on his woman so openly and lovingly, that it must carry through to the rest of the club.
“It’s a balance,” Aimee said quietly. “They want to protect us. And I’m not saying we don’t need protection—we do. But so do they. It’s a matter of how we do it.”