I hadn’t believed that for a second.
Caspar wisely didn’t question Jessa at all, but rather told her, “We can talk about it later. Mathias and Bishop, walk her back, okay? I’ve got some other shit to take care of.”
Jessa had nodded woodenly and Bish and I walked with her back to the guesthouse. She walked slowly, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It was only once we were back inside the guesthouse that she asked, “Why is Keller so important?”
He controls a lot of shit. Food. Gas. Bish translated for me, then added, “Basically, he’s got us over a barrel.”
“But he’s gotten along with Defiance up till now?”
“It’s complicated. Has to do with the former leaders and the businesses Defiance is in. But the old leader—his son promised Keller a bigger cut in return for Defiance’s protection techniques. Caspar didn’t want that. Keller’s pissed,” Bish explained.
“Could he cut off Defiance’s food and gasoline?” she asked and I nodded. “And I brought this on a lot faster than it might’ve been.”
You brought on nothing. The fierceness of my feelings came through with Bish’s words. You’re not taking the blame for a feud that’s been brewing forever.
I could tell she didn’t believe me though, not fully. There wasn’t much I could do to change her mind as of yet.
Two hours later I was back with Caspar, signing, I want to tell Keller.
“Figured you might.” Caspar rubbed his hands together as he watched me carefully. I’d left Jessa sleeping, with Rebel watching the house, and I’d called for a meeting with Caspar. “You think it’s better that way.”
So do you.
“Tellin’ me how I feel now?”
I nodded and behind me, Bish sighed and muttered, “Dangerous ground, brother.”
No other way to live.
“And after you go tellin’ what you both did to his men—and the LoV’s men—what’re you plannin’ next?” Caspar asked.
I’ll take the consequences. It’s not Defiance’s fault. It’s mine.
“Shit, Mathias, you’re not in this alone,” Bish told me.
I know that. But Keller’s getting suspicious. We’re their next stop. Might as well take advantage of it.
“You think I’m selling you out, fuck that,” Caspar told me. “But you’re right—there’s no reason to keep hiding the inevitable.”
I had no doubt that Caspar had been planning for this—he knew how my mind worked.
“So we invite them in,” Caspar continued and I nodded.
Keller doesn’t know Charlie survived. And he never has to, unless we need him to.
It was Caspar’s turn to nod. “I guess we’re due for a fight. I’ll invite the Kill Devils too. Kian’s in town anyway.”
Whether Caspar called Kian in for backup specifically for Keller or if it was a coincidence entirely that he was already there, we wouldn’t know. But hell, the more people on our side when the shit went down, the better.
I shook Caspar’s hand. He looked at me like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.
I knew what it was—he’d stopped asking me and Bish about joining the MC a while ago. We were still here, and that bothered the older generation, but not as much as the fact that Caspar had taken over Defiance. If we allowed ourselves to be initiated in, that would go a long way in proving to that generation, and to the rest of Defiance, that we were behind them as a whole and that we weren’t just Caspar’s rogue team.
Bish and I walked out the back of the clubhouse and headed over to the small clearing that overlooked what used to be Lance’s house. There was a small spotlight over there, since it backed up to the diner also, and we stopped and sat on the grass for a while.
I was going over the upcoming fight in my head already, even though it was days away. I’d do it constantly until the minute the fight actually happened.
“There’s another fight tomorrow over in Cumberland,” Bish said finally. “Good practice.”
We both knew I didn’t need the practice as much as I needed to blow off steam. I also needed the money and so I nodded. Set it up.
“I will.” He paused and then told me, “Comes down to this—if you want to keep Jessa safe, we’re better off staying in Defiance and getting initiated into the MC.”
I stared at him for a long moment. He was right, I knew that, but I also knew he hated being backed into a corner as much as I did. I was the one who pushed you to come here.
“It was a good choice, Mathias. I know how you feel about staying in one place though.”
I didn’t want any more attachments. I had to give that shit up because of the Chaos and I never wanted that level of attachment again.
“What the fuck am I?”
That’s different.
“How?”
Because you’re me.
Bish stared at me and smiled. It was true, somehow. We were connected, like twins born to different mothers. He knew me better than he knew himself and vice versa. When he got hurt, I could feel it. Just like I could feel his attraction to Luna.
Just like he could feel mine for Jessa.
Chapter Fourteen
Try and test that, you’re bound to get served
Jessa
The storms were starting again and the Defiance compound was getting that strangely deserted feel. I looked out the window of the guesthouse and rubbed my arms as the wind picked up through the half-opened window. Even though it was cold outside, I liked the feeling of knowing there was still an outside. That’s what three years of living underground did for someone.
I’d been here for four days, so I hadn’t expected to feel like I was a part of this club. But I’d wanted to feel a part of something, and that familiar ache hurt less than I’d expected it to. Probably because, around Mathias, I didn’t feel like an outsider.
I shut the window and locked it, moved to the center of the house, where the bed was, protected by strong walls and no windows, and prepared to wait out the storm alone.
I was wrapped up in a blanket, reading by candlelight—Tru had left me several romance novels and they reminded me of home, but in a good way. I used to find them in the back of my mother’s closet. She’d only put out the books that people deemed important, but they’d never looked as well used, or well loved, as her paperbacks.
There was a brief knock and Mathias was inside before I could call out, “Come in.” He was soaked, stood dripping on the floor.
“I thought maybe you were fighting again,” I said lamely.
Not tonight, he mouthed and signed simultaneously. His pinkie was still bandaged and I saw the thin white bandages still above his left brow.
Bishop came in behind him. Mathias signed and Bishop translated. I figured you might not want to be alone.
“I didn’t.”
“I’m not staying long. But I brought food,” Bishop added, holding up a box covered in plastic to protect it from the rain. He and Mathias stripped down to their underwear so their clothes could dry and we ate on the bed, listening to the storm.
I didn’t mind having Bishop around at all. He was a part of Mathias and I liked how close they were. They made me feel comfortable at a time when nothing else was. And Bishop didn’t seem to judge the fact that Mathias and I had formed a quick and solid bond.
Time moved slowly post-Chaos. There wasn’t an awful lot to do anymore, nowhere to rush, no cell phones or Twitter to take up all our time. It was like someone came in and shut a switch and for a while, it was like living in a zombie state. It was so quiet—for some, too quiet, I noticed—but I actually didn’t mind it. Except for the noise in my head, it would’ve been perfect.