Mathias gave what amounted to a silent snort and rolled his eyes in disgust. He signed something too, without mouthing it—and without Bishop translating right away—and I couldn’t begin to parse what it meant. I probably wasn’t supposed to, given the fact that Mathias glared when Bishop finally said, He’s a fucking worthless piece of trash, and sounded like he meant it as much as Mathias did.
And then Bishop added, “Fuck, Jessa, remember what he did to you.”
And then it was more of Bishop’s voice, Mathias’s words. Mathias’s anger. You’re smarter than this. Why’s he got you all turned around? I know it’s not because you love him.
“You don’t know anything about me and who I love.”
Mathias tugged me close then, the fierce anger showing through clearly. You’d damn well better believe I know a hell of a lot about you and who you love. Who turns you the fuck on, so much that you come hard enough to pass out? Tell me he’s ever done that to you and I’ll let you go. Tell me he’s ever made you feel halfway like the way you feel when you’re with me.
“You’re crazy,” I told him, rather than admit he was right. He held me tighter against him, his erection pressing against me, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that he was treating me exactly the way the LoV had. But I couldn’t—because it was nothing like that. Because if I lost Mathias, it would kill me.
But what if I was wrong about him, the way I’d been wrong about everything? When I voiced that to him, he told me, You haven’t been wrong about everything. Not about me. And not about what brought you here in the first place.
He didn’t press further; instead, let go of me. It was my turn to reach out for him, to pull him close, to comfort myself by pressing my cheek against his chest. He responded by picking me up and I closed my eyes and let him carry me, pretended to be helpless, because he allowed me to be vulnerable without fear.
I didn’t open my eyes until he put me down. I don’t know where I expected to be, but it certainly wasn’t in front of Caspar and Tru in the clubhouse. I didn’t know if I was being put in front of a firing squad, if Mathias had no choice but to bring me here, but it didn’t matter.
Caspar looked serious—and scary. Tru was sitting next to him quietly, deep in thought. I shifted in place as they sat watching me.
“Charlie said he’s got sources in here,” Caspar started, his gaze locked on me, and I got it then. They thought maybe I was his source, somehow, and we’d been putting on some kind of act in the warehouse. But to what end?
“It’s not me,” I said firmly.
Mathias signed and Caspar nodded. “He says you’ve been with him most of the time.”
“And then there are the guards you’ve posted when he’s not,” I pointed out and Caspar stared at me and said, “Figured you needed protection, no?”
“Do you believe what Charlie says about his sources?” Tru asked me.
“He’s always had connections everywhere. I’m not sure how he’d make one here unless someone’s in with the LoV.”
At my words, Caspar slammed his fists down on the table, hard enough to shake it and me. I froze, and Tru came over to my side, put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. It was then I saw that Caspar wasn’t angry at me, but rather at the idea that a member of Defiance was betraying his MC. I just didn’t know how or why he wouldn’t expect that, but I didn’t dare give voice to that question.
Mathias stood behind me, but he didn’t make a move to comfort me. I thought about all the lies swirling around me—all of them mine—and I didn’t see any good way out of this.
Chapter Sixteen
You spin me
Mathias
Jessa followed Tru out of the clubhouse, looking back over her shoulder at me before she exited. Her look begged me to understand why she’d hidden the fact that Charlie was her husband—her fucking husband, for Christ’s sake—but it didn’t do anything to stop my feelings. It just made me want to wrap my hands around Charlie’s neck for the way he’d treated his wife.
“You all right?” Bish asked quietly.
I didn’t think so. But I played like I was just goddamned fine, because Caspar had called the voting members into the room for an early church, which was code for their meetings. Like confession, what went on inside this room stayed in this room.
When the men were seated, Caspar briefly filled them all in and for a long while, no one said a word. The tension thickened with every passing second and finally Rebel said, “What if someone’s in bed with Keller? That’s way fucking worse than the LoV.”
“Doesn’t make sense why Keller’s hanging with the LoV to begin with,” Hammer said, and he was right, because the LoV had nothing much to offer Keller except women—and violence. It wasn’t enough to keep them indispensable to Keller’s mafia. They knew Keller would drop them in a second if Defiance suddenly agreed to split profits.
“None of this shit matters. Matters that we’ve got a traitor here with us, and I figured we were done with that shit.” Caspar’s voice was a knife through the bullshit and all eyes turned to him. “Anyone hear any rumblings? Doesn’t matter how small the complaints.”
“Old gen is still pretty pissed,” Rebel pointed out.
“’Course you’d blame the originals,” grumbled one of said originals, nicknamed Goose.
“Got somethin’ to say, old man?” Rebel’s voice was dangerously low and his eyes glittered in a way I’d never seen before. He’d been pretty even-tempered, but the not-so-silent war between the old and new generations of Defiance was wearing on everyone.
Bish glanced at me. I knew what he was thinking—do we really want to be part of this shit?
But hell, we’d created some of it. And if we wanted to help Jessa, we had to figure out the best way to do so.
“She’s married to the guy and she didn’t tell anyone. That’s pretty fucking convenient, right?” Goose snapped.
“He’s got a point,” Rebel said. “She had to know that’d make a difference.”
“Or else she’s scared,” Hammer said slowly. “Anyone else starting to notice how fucking scared these women are? Forget Jessa. I’m talking about a lot of women within Defiance. They’re worried about what’s happening out there. Worried that the violence of this club’s going to be taken out on them.”
“It was always that way, Hammer,” Caspar said quietly.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Hammer told him. “It was never fucking like this.”
Bish was next to me, leaning against the wall. He banged his fist lightly against it, and the entire room filled with tension, the way it had since Aimee was attacked. We didn’t have a place at the table, which meant no vote, and the only reason we were here was because of what we’d done for Jessa.
Hammer met Bish’s eyes. “You and Mathias came to town and you helped us. And now, we don’t know what your plans are.”
“That’s fair,” Bish conceded. “But we don’t know our plans either. After what Tru and Aimee went through, there’s no way we could’ve let Jessa get sold. Didn’t matter who she was. Only matters that we stick to our code.”
I watched Rebel stare Bish down while he spoke, or try to. Bish turned his gaze to Rebel, because he’d felt it too, and I had to admit it was close, but Reb looked away first. I think, if she was working with Charlie, she wouldn’t be fucking me.
Caspar seemed to agree and Bish translated for the rest of the group.
Rebel said, “We’re trusting a woman who’s grown up in politics?”