We’re trusting my gut.
“Tru’s too,” Caspar pointed out.
I glanced at Bish. We both knew Jessa was holding back something else. This shit could blow up in our faces.
So complicated
Jessa
“I guess I can understand why you didn’t say anything about being married to Charlie,” Tru started.
I’d realized there wasn’t a hell of a lot of difference between the MC and politics in general. “I didn’t want it to be true,” I told her. “God, I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been, what he’d done to me. I wanted my past erased, and the best way to do that was to pretend it didn’t exist.”
“The past always comes up to bite you, Jessa. I learned that the hard way.” Tru smiled ruefully as we walked the footpaths toward the guesthouse.
“Hey!”
Tru turned to find Aimee coming up behind us. I braced, like she was going to question me too, and then I remembered that no one would be talking about it until after the men left the clubhouse. So I relaxed slightly, more so when Aimee said, “I think I actually got sunburned today.”
“Me too,” I said, and we started walking again. For the first time, I really took notice of Defiance’s setup. Normally, I was too distracted by Mathias to do so, but this was as organized as the place I’d been kept, maybe more so. The air of military was strong here, and I asked Tru and Aimee about it, because I knew both of them had grown up here.
“You know MCs originated because of military men,” Aimee said, and no, I hadn’t.
“And then a lot of them began to take in the shitbags who had no discipline,” Tru added. “Not to say military men can’t be dicks but there’s a certain bearing. A lot of responsibility comes with brotherhood. Defiance stays true to that tradition.”
“How long have you had the bunkers here?” I asked, and both women looked at me oddly. “Oh, come on, I lived underground for three years. I know you all didn’t disappear to a cabin in the storm. Besides, Mathias and Bishop told me a little.”
Tru relaxed a little then. “It’s more like a system of tubes.”
“Right. I heard the LoV talking about them as well,” I told them.
“I’m sure they’re not happy we don’t sell them any,” Aimee said.
“Definitely not happy,” I agreed.
“Caspar’s grandfather invented the system during his Navy days, took the shape from the subs he was on during his tours,” Tru explained.
That made so much sense. “This had to take years.”
“They made the best of their PTSD way before it was a thing. They were paranoid bastards and this was less about weather and more about attacks and war, but it worked out well for our generation.” Tru wrapped her arms around her body, like she was giving herself a hug, or maybe protecting herself. “I’m still a little claustrophobic, because of what happened during the Chaos.”
“I found it hard to stay underground too,” I admitted. “I used to spend a lot of time sleeping, because it was obviously the only time I could forget where I was. Everything seemed so...small. And dark. No matter how well they lit the bunkers, it always felt dark.”
“I’d rather be outside in the dark any day of the week,” Tru agreed. “But the system saved Defiance.”
“So Caspar’s family has been in charge of Defiance from the start then?” I asked.
“It’s complicated,” Tru said, and I noticed that Aimee had gone uncomfortably quiet. We’d gotten to the guesthouse, and under the outside light, I noticed that she looked pale.
“Aimee, are you okay?” I asked.
“I’ve got to get to the clinic,” she said absently, and she turned and left with a slight wave.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.
Tru shook her head. “She’s going through some things. That’s what happens. She’s good and then she remembers.”
“What happened to her?”
“The men who used to be in charge of this club hurt her.” Tru’s voice shook. The anger flushed her face and she took a breath before continuing. “She’s going to be okay. She’s studying with the doctors. She’s got someone in her life who loves her. And all of Defiance is behind her.”
“But she’s never going to be the same.” At the sound of another woman’s voice, Tru jerked her head toward the dark-haired, tattoo-sleeved woman who had walked up silently. I thought about leaving, but things happened so fast I didn’t dare move.
“Those are the first words you say to me after four months?” Tru was on her feet and in the woman’s face quickly.
The woman put her hands on her hips and said quietly, “I prefer not to live in never-never land, where you’ve decided the MC is going to be perfect since you’re back.”
“Bullshit, Luna. You know we’re the ones who can force change. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. And you took advantage of it, unless the men let you work on the bikes in secret before Lance died.”
“Just because we can work alongside the men doesn’t ease what Aimee went through. She’s not a human sacrifice, Tru. But she did lose everything. And she’s putting up a great front, but I’ll bet you anything that she’s dying inside. No one’s that strong.”
“So why are you avoiding her then?” Tru demanded.
“Because I don’t know how to make things better. I don’t think they can be. And it kills me, because I never ran. I stayed and now I wish I hadn’t.”
“Does Rebel feel the same way?” Tru asked.
“I don’t talk to him about this.”
“Right. You don’t talk to anyone. Please, come visit Aimee with me. She misses you. You’re like two hundred feet from her and it’s as if you’re on a different planet,” Tru said.
“I’m not ready.” With those words, Luna turned and left. Tru took a couple of steps to go after her, then stopped and hung her head as a small sob escaped her throat.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I put a hand on Tru’s shoulder and was surprised when Tru turned into me and hugged me. I stroked her hair like my mom used to do when I was little, back when I thought she could make everything better.
Knowing no one actually could was probably one of the worst parts of growing up.
Finally, Tru pulled back. “Thanks, Jessa. Do you think you can get to the bottom of this?”
“Of what?”
Tru gave a small smile. “Bishop might be stealthy, but when a guy loves a girl, they tend to lose all common sense.”
Chapter Seventeen
You should know that I’m not afraid
Jessa
After Tru left, I paced for a while and tried to explain about Charlie to Mathias a million times and ways in my head.
So when Mathias and Bishop came in, I should’ve been prepared. But I went silent, just waiting to see what Mathias would say to me.
Bishop spoke instead, and he wasn’t translating. “Might want to get ready,” he said and handed me a pair of jeans and a black top. I guessed it was either something of Tru’s or Aimee’s, and it looked tight and sexy and like nothing I normally wore.
I had closets full of conservative outfits at home. Even when I’d been away at boarding school, playing guitar, I’d done so in my sensible clothes.
I never wanted to be sensible again. But I certainly didn’t think, after what had happened, that I’d be going anywhere. I held the silky black material and the denim, heard Bishop drop shoes too...and still, I didn’t make a move.
“Do you understand why I didn’t say anything about being married to Charlie?” I asked Bishop finally.
“I’m not the one who matters.”
“You are, though. You’re such an important part of it,” I told him.