“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t get it. Grief and fear make people do strange things.”
I wondered if he was talking about Luna as much as he was talking about me. “I don’t think he wants to see me.”
“Then you’ll have to want to see him more,” Bishop said. “Tru and Aimee had me drop this stuff off. They’ll be here to get you in a few minutes.”
“Wait, where are they taking me?”
“The place you want to be,” was all he said.
An hour later, Tru and Aimee laughed their way into the guesthouse. They’d already started drinking—Tru carried a bottle with her—and I noted that Hammer was outside, waiting for them.
“I knew those clothes would look great on you,” Tru said.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Out. It’s time to have some fun and make merry. For tomorrow, we may die,” Aimee said, and I was surprised to see her smiling when she’d said that.
“I just can’t think about going out and having fun now.” Beyond what had happened with me today, there was still Keller, and the LoV, to think about. Not to mention storms.
“How can you not?” Tru asked.
I hadn’t considered that.
“Bad things are going to happen whether or not we have fun. We can’t stop it, so why not enjoy the fuck out of ourselves, as Cas would say,” Tru continued.
“Because I never have,” I said simply.
“Then it’s about time you do. Let’s go have some fun.” Tru stopped. “What’s the worst that could happen? Can you die from having too much fun?”
“Maybe,” I whispered.
“But what a way to go,” Tru said as she hooked her arm in mine and we followed Aimee out the door.
The bar the MC owned was on Defiance’s compound, but allowed civilians—like me, I supposed—on certain nights. It was crowded by the time Tru and Aimee walked me inside. I felt conspicuous in my tight jeans and tank top after shrugging off a borrowed leather jacket.
I felt eyes on me, and realized a lot of the men—and the women—were staring at me, and not in a good way.
“Does everyone know?” I asked and Tru nodded. Any trust I’d earned with Defiance was gone, but it didn’t bother me half as much as the ground I’d lost with Mathias.
“They won’t give you much shit because you’re with Tru,” Aimee told me.
“Come on. We came here to have fun. Forget about all of it and have some fun.”
I followed Aimee and Tru onto the dance floor and we put our hands up and shook our hips and we laughed and shimmied like we didn’t have a care in the world, and I guessed that’s how they handled things. Maybe it was the reason they could.
And then I looked over and I saw Mathias. He was dancing too, on a table, with several women.
Whether or not he was doing it purposely to get my attention or my jealousy didn’t matter. The fact was, the women had their hands on him. And he was mine. I’d never felt such a primal roar of possession in my life.
“Oh, is that your man?” Aimee asked innocently.
“You guys knew he’d be here.”
Tru blinked innocently. “I had no idea. But what I do know is, if you want him, you’re going to have to go get him.”
“You don’t think I betrayed him, or Defiance, do you?” I asked suddenly.
Tru tilted her head. “I think you’re scared, and I know that fear makes you do things you wouldn’t do otherwise.”
I thought that was her way of saying yes, but I could take her statement a couple of ways. Still, she motioned toward Mathias and I didn’t think she’d guide me in that direction if she didn’t trust me.
Did I trust myself? I’d wavered, just slightly, but still wavered just the same when Charlie talked about Defiance using me. I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge that fear, tucked into the back of my mind.
Maybe it was time to acknowledge everything, starting with the fact that I only wanted Mathias dancing with me. And in my borrowed boots that made me feel sexy and like I could kick some serious ass, I sauntered over to the table and put my hands on my hips.
He looked down and watched me carefully. And one of the women put her arms around his waist and moved against him, ignoring me purposefully. I moved to stand on a chair and then the table just as purposefully, easing past the second woman.
She didn’t put up much of a fight, but the other one wouldn’t go down easily. Instead of dealing with her directly, I put my body against Mathias, fitting it to his because I knew we fit together so well. And I bit his neck, and then licked the reddened skin.
He turned and gave me a hot, lazy smile. The woman gave me a little push on my shoulder and said, “Go find your husband.”
“I don’t want my husband. I want him.” I stared at Mathias and only him as I spoke, and then tugged my hand through his hair and pulled his face down to mine. I kissed him hard, and I swear I heard some wolf whistles, but that might not’ve been for us.
Playing. With. Fire. He mouthed that carefully, and I knew it was a warning—a big one—but I didn’t care. I wanted the fire. And I knew what I had to do to prove it.
I jumped down from the table, looking back at him over my shoulder for a second before I pushed through the crowds and up to the raised platform where the live band was just starting to set up. The jukebox was playing for now, and I went over to the man with the guitar and I told him what I needed to do.
“Yeah, that’s cool,” he told me.
A few minutes later, I stood in front of the mike as the opening bars of the all-too-familiar song rang out. My heart pounded, the rush of blood to my ears overpowering everything else.
You can’t screw this up—it’s too important, I told myself.
I searched the crowd and found Mathias, my eyes settling on his dark ones. I wouldn’t screw it up. And when the opening bars of the music played behind me, I swallowed and I sang, for the first time in years, in a public place.
It wasn’t a fast, catchy song, but it seemed to be something most were familiar with.
If anybody...should ever write...my life story...
When I sang the refrain to “Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me,” Mathias moved away from the women who’d been surrounding me. It was so damned obvious to the entire bar who I was singing to, making a fool out of myself for. But I didn’t care. I only cared about letting Mathias know that I’d inexplicably fallen in love with him, that the signs had all been there.
My body moved to the music as I sang and I watched him, itching to jump down and join him. And he knew it. He was teasing me. It was like I was on the other end of a string, pulled taut between us. A tightrope between my past and my future.
But the tug was all mine.
Afterward, there was applause, but that didn’t matter. What did was that Mathias was in front of me, holding out a hand to me, motioning for me to jump. I didn’t hesitate, knew that he’d catch me, and judging by his smile, I’d passed the first part of his test.
He held me and balanced a bottle of beer as he carried me through the bar and into a back hallway that was dark and dotted by other couples here and there. He placed me down, my back to the wall, set the beer down next to my feet. It was quiet and he stood in front of me, put a hand under my chin and forced me to meet his eyes. I did, with a great deal of trepidation. I didn’t exactly find warmth there, but he wasn’t icy either.
He was protecting himself. Because of me. Because I’d hurt him. And here I’d thought it was definitely going to be the other way around. “I’m sorry, Mathias. I should’ve said something to everyone, but most especially, to you.”
He shrugged, the Why didn’t you? coming through loud and clear.