“If you hurt, then I hurt.”
“Don’t want you hurtin’.” Caspar was angry now. “Dammit, Tru, you gotta stop pushin’. You’re not ready to handle this.”
“I don’t want you handling it alone.”
“How I’ve always been.”
“But you’re not alone anymore.” She wondered if he was doubting everyone now, including her. How could he not? She was certainly was going to gaze with suspicion on everyone in Defiance from now on, until they could resolve this.
“This is what it’s like, babe. Not trustin’ anyone for your own safety. Want you to trust me. Need you to. But I want to protect you from this shit. Want you innocent.”
She slid her hands over his shoulders and straddled his lap. “I know. And I love you for it. For so many other reasons, but especially for that.”
He gave her a small smile and sat up so they faced each other. Then he wrapped his hands around her waist, then dropped them to cup her ass, and this was where she’d wanted the evening to end up from the second she’d gone out.
From the second she’d known she’d fallen in love with Cas, all those years ago. “Whatever happens, we’ll survive it.”
She could’ve been talking about Defiance or the two of them, or everything, but it didn’t matter. What did is that they both believed it.
That motherfucker’s always spiked with pain
Mathias
Of course, Bish had worked out a plan with Tru and Aimee to bring Jessa to me in the bar. I could hold a grudge forever, but the fact was, I was the one she was fucking—and I meant that in the most romantic way possible because you didn’t truly feel for a woman if you couldn’t take her to bed, down and dirty.
Dancing with those other women tonight had done nothing but show me how strong my feelings for Jessa were.
I held her close as we walked home, Bish a few steps behind us. She hadn’t had much to drink but she was still in that high from the orgasm state of mind.
I’d expected to climb right into bed with her and continue to ride that wave, but Rebel was waiting for us at the guesthouse.
“Caspar needs to see you,” he said to me, then motioned to Jessa. “I’ll wait with her till you get back.”
“Thanks,” Bish told him and Jessa drew her brows together in a slight frown. I wanted to tell her not to worry, but hell, that would be useless. But that’s the way it was around here—ups and downs were worse than roller coasters, and riding it out was what we did best.
We were only with Caspar for ten minutes, because it looked like we’d interrupted his time with Tru. As we walked through the compound, I ruminated on the fact that local law enforcement were just now hearing chatter of Charlie’s and Jessa’s disappearance—finally, even though they’d been gone from D.C. for well over two weeks by now.
Had to be because Charlie was checking in the whole time they were with the LoVs, I signed. I’d suspected that from the first, but I was still waiting for Jessa to spill everything she knew. That was going to take time.
“We could have him call in,” Bish said.
And tell them what?
“That he ran away from home.”
Either way, we kidnapped the son of the president.
Bish didn’t seem concerned. Hell, neither was I. The guy brought this on himself when he got into bed with the LoV. Whatever happened to him now, he more than deserved it.
I only wondered what Jessa’s parents would say if they knew.
“Who’s to say they don’t?” Bish asked.
Think she’s considered that?
“She’s a smart girl.”
Too smart. She was definitely still hiding something and I couldn’t blame her for that. I’d hide something too if I could, because in this world, knowledge was your only form of power.
But sooner or later, that knowledge would become her enemy. I didn’t know if it would be in her best interest to share it with me, but the more I knew, the better I could protect her.
She knew it too. Sometimes, I’d catch her wringing her hands together, staring into space, no doubt contemplating what she knew and how it would affect her and Defiance both.
“Gotta figure out her knowledge. What she’s got on Charlie that would make him try to get rid of her,” Bish said, giving voice to what I’d been thinking since I’d first laid eyes on Jessa.
It’s going to get ugly.
“Everything about this world is ugly.” Bish shrugged like that didn’t make a difference, but we both knew it did, and that’s the real reason we kept running. We kept hoping to find something beyond the ugly, and although it was out there—in fits and starts—it was never more than a taunting glimmer. And that actually made it more depressing than anything, which was why moving around at least gave us the semblance that something could possibly still change for the better.
We’d watched Defiance grow in front of our eyes. Caspar gave us some of the credit but really, he was the man behind it.
Jessa wasn’t ugly; she was a light for me, but I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that counting on someone to love was the answer. Not like that.
“You think she’s not for real.”
How could she be?
“Sometimes people are just what they seem.” Bish pointed between us.
That’s rare.
“That’s what makes it worth it.”
Chapter Nineteen
Time is like a clock in my heart
Jessa
At some point last night, Mathias had been in bed with me. I knew it, because he’d left my borrowed leather jacket draped on the pillow next to me, with a note on it that said, Noon.
I’d slept until nearly eleven-thirty and woke slightly hungover. He must’ve anticipated that too, because there was juice and aspirin and a light breakfast waiting for me as well.
“He’s preparing me for something,” I muttered. I might be naive, but I wasn’t stupid. Still, I ate and showered and put on jeans and boots and dragged the heavy jacket on and at noon, I heard the roar of a motorcycle at my front door.
For a second, I hesitated, waiting for it to drive right through the guesthouse. When it didn’t, I opened the door to find Mathias balanced casually against a big black bike. He crooked a finger at me.
“I’ve never ridden,” I admitted as I hugged the jacket tightly around me and he gave me a look that translated to, So?
He ran his hand over the seat of the big black bike, patted the section behind where he’d sit and then he got on. I glanced at the helmet he’d offered and realized that real life was so much scarier, well beyond wearing a helmet on a motorcycle.
I did accept the glasses though, slid them on and got on behind him and instinctively slid my hands around his waist as I hooked my feet up. Suddenly, the bike revved, rumbling between my legs. I held on tight as we took off on what might actually be the world’s biggest vibrator.
The bumpy roads made things worse—or better, depending on your perspective, but now, mine was better. One hundred percent better because my body vibrated and my pulse raced.
I was free.
The wind blew through my hair, which was loose and tangled, the heavy leather hugged my body and Mathias guided the bike along the dark, winding road without a headlight. He wore special glasses—I’d heard the Secret Service men refer to them as NVs—and I knew he could see in the dark. Beyond the sound the bike made, we were invisible.
I’d never realized there was so much safety in darkness.
The bike charged along the road like it was looking for a fight and found it in the pebbled, potholed surfaces we jerked along during those long afternoon hours. Bishop followed us in the van, for safety, I’d figured, but Mathias didn’t seem concerned with anything but owning the road.