My eyes were protected from the wind by the dark glasses that made it seem like we were driving blind. I let my body lean into the curves and relax.
Finally, we stopped, pulled off-road and into a clearing where there was a fire pit. Bishop lit the fire and I had a feeling we’d gone in a lot of circles, and that we weren’t that far from Defiance at all. And I felt comfort in that.
Mathias put a blanket down and I kept the jacket on, because it was colder today than normal. Then he and Bishop sat and Mathias signed while Bishop told me why they’d been called away to meet with Caspar last night.
The news knows, was the gist of it. Which meant... “Charlie must have been checking in at home the entire time I thought we were kidnapped,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to look at either man. They knew I was holding something back, but how to tell them was a different story altogether. Surprises like this one would knock me down, wear me out eventually. Maybe they were meant to.
“What happens now? Is it still okay for me to be here?” I asked tentatively, hating the tug of nerves in my stomach, the slight swoop of fear that I was out in the middle of nowhere with two guys who were, in fact, trained killers.
Depends. Do you want to go back?
“No.” My word echoed in the stillness.
But they’ll be looking for you now. I think you’re right that they weren’t before.
But these men had risked everything for me. The rest of the club understood, but they were uneasy with the level of danger I brought to them.
If this was the old world, the paparazzi would’ve found me in days. Now, in order for the mafia to get a message to my family, beyond showing up to the bunker, they’d have to get lucky with getting patched through. Just because you had the means to call to D.C. didn’t mean those calls always got through. Plus, the fact that I was in Defiance wasn’t known. Everyone had been warned not to leak that fact for their sakes more than mine.
“I know. And I’m sure Caspar’s not happy about that. What’s he going to do? I don’t know if you guys are up for going up against the Secret Service.”
Mathias laughed. It was silent, but after only knowing him a couple of days and being around him pretty much constantly, I was beginning to discern his moods. But his smile, rare and grudging, like he didn’t want to give that part of him away, was a tell-all.
Sharing his bed so openly, so freely—that wasn’t anything I was used to. But here it wasn’t looked upon as odd or bad. Granted, there were people who weren’t entirely happy that I might bring more trouble to Defiance.
“That doesn’t exactly scare us. Or Defiance,” Bishop said.
“You’re planning on fighting the Secret Service?”
Mathias shrugged and Bishop asked, “Is that a problem for you?”
They obviously didn’t think so. Acted like it would be so easy.
You’re worrying, Bishop said but I knew the thought came from Mathias, so I asked him, “Shouldn’t I be?”
Mathias shook his head no.
“You should always bet on us,” Bishop told me, glanced at Mathias, whose hands flew. What about your parents?
“What about them?”
That good a relationship, huh?
Mathias’s hands, Bishop’s words. I stayed focused on Mathias’s face. “They arranged that marriage. Set it up so I fell for Charles. They told me he was perfect.”
Did you really love him?
I stared at Mathias and wondered if I could keep lying to myself. “I thought I was.” But after lying in your arms for a few nights...
Mathias gave me that lazy grin again, the mind-reading one, and I blushed. “Stop,” I murmured, but his grin got wider.
“Sex makes the world go round,” Bishop said, and Mathias shot him a look but it was obvious how comfortable the two of them were together. And somehow, I didn’t feel like a third wheel, or exposed to Bishop.
“My father was vice president because I was born a girl,” I explained. “He and Charlie’s dad grew up together as best friends. This election was planned. But because my dad had a daughter, his best friend took the presidency because he had a son to leave his political legacy to.”
My life had been planned for me from long before I was born. I’d been expected to fit the mold.
“What would you do to stay here, Jessa?” Bishop asked me, not Mathias, but I looked at Mathias when I said, “I’d kill to stay away from them.”
Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Mathias
There was a hell of a big difference between staying away from them and staying here with me. But pushing that point now was worthless.
Until they came for her, she could pretend she belonged here. Playing house with me, playing bad girl. I signed that furtively, only for Bish’s eyes, and he signed back, You ever stop to think she was really pretending to be a good girl?
Yeah, I liked thinking that a whole lot better than the alternative.
“You seem like you were always in charge of your own destiny,” she said. “Maybe the Chaos was a good thing. Otherwise, where would I be?”
Good or bad? Just is, I told her.
“I’m glad I escaped. I’ll do anything I have to not to go back.”
She meant it. Then I’ll make sure you don’t have to go back.
“I believe you. I never believed anybody before, but I believe you, Mathias.”
Good.
She signed Good right back to me, her sign fast and smooth and sure. She’d been practicing signs with Bish—that much I knew—and I was pretty sure Tru was helping her as well.
Bish thought Tru had asked Jessa to find out information about him and Luna. I wasn’t surprised Tru had. I knew she was worried about Luna. Rumor was that Luna had been in love with Rebel forever and he seemed not to notice that, although they were close.
Bish didn’t seem to care if he was overstepping on Rebel and Luna’s relationship. He slammed in, invited or not, made his presence known and he stayed. Luna was actively avoiding everyone but Bish and Rebel. Tru tried, but Bish told her to give it time.
I’d taken that advice last night about giving her time, when I’d decided to wait to tell Jessa about her family knowing she was missing. I did it mainly because she’d been sleeping so peacefully, but I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer. I had another fight tonight, but we had the whole day and I figured it was time to get her on the bike.
She’d asked about it, watched other women climbing on the backs of the hogs and racing through the compound, headed for a ride through town. But she was still scared of it.
Time to get back on the bike.
“You’re fighting again tonight, aren’t you?”
I glanced at her and nodded, waited for more questions, or anger, but none came. Just a look of sadness crossing her face.
Get closer
Jessa
After I rode on the back of the bike for another hour or so, my legs were like jelly, and I was more relaxed than I thought I’d be, what with news of an impending Secret Service invasion.
I wondered if they’d let Charlie call home. “He has codes, you know.”
Both Mathias and Bish looked at me with questions. I’d just gotten off the back of the bike and was about to go inside the guesthouse when I blurted that out. “If you let him call his father,” I clarified. “He’ll use a code, so what he tells his father in front of you won’t really be what he means.”