I’d fought more than once tonight. I’d have no problem taking on someone else. And when I kicked the door open and Charlie saw me, he backed up a few steps.
He’d been expecting Jessa to come back. And he’d sorely underestimated her. I rubbed my sore hands together as Bish came into the room behind me.
“What are you going to do with me? Because anything you do to me, Jessa will end up hating you for it,” Charlie told me. “She’s delicate.” He pointed to his head. “She had a couple of breakdowns. That suicide attempt wasn’t out of the blue. She’s fucking nuts. I can take care of her a lot better than you can.”
“Bullshit,” Bish said, startling me. But I’d signed the word unconsciously and now, he continued to translate for me to Charlie. How were you protecting her by selling her?
“I did the best thing for her. Keller would treat her like a princess.”
Did the guy really believe that? Shit like that doesn’t happen in the real world.
Charlie smiled. “All part of the plan.”
Yeah, I know the plan. Jessa told me everything.
“No way she’d do that. She’s been in love with me since she was a little girl.”
But you couldn’t make her come, I told him. Never underestimate how far something like that goes. I opened up her eyes to a whole new world.
“Low class.”
“Since when is good sex low class?” Bish demanded. “Shit, I’d never want to be president if they’ve got you in chastity.”
Why take her on in the first place? I asked Charlie.
“I was nice to her because I had to be, for both our families. A united front. I could keep her in line. I did keep her in line, until she decided to spy and stick her nose where it didn’t belong.”
Charlie looked so goddamned smug. It was hard to remember, at times, that he was Caspar’s age. But Caspar appeared so much older. This guy was a spoiled kid who’d never grown up, and he had so much power behind him.
“No one’s come for you yet,” Bish said. “Ever consider that they’re happy you’re gone, that you’re a liability?”
Charlie’s face got red, like he was mad we suggested it. Mad it might actually be true. “Give them time.”
Give ’em all the time they need. But Keller and the LoV aren’t helping you anymore. They know you used them and that you’d planned to put all the blame on them. They’ll also know that the LoV was up next for execution.
I left then, because it was time for Jessa to tell me everything. Keller and the LoV were here. They knew Jessa and Charlie were here, and Caspar had let them in and then escorted them out.
Keller wanted to negotiate. Before that happened, Defiance deserved to know the whole story. So did I.
I found her sitting on the bed, doing that hand-wringing thing again. Rebel waited outside with Bish and I had the alphasmart, because this would be too much for lip-reading. Even though I expected her to do most of the talking, I’d have to do most of the convincing.
“What did he tell you?”
He said you’d had a couple of nervous breakdowns.
She rubbed one wrist unconsciously, but didn’t look down at it. “He’s right.”
Want to talk about it?
She stuck her bare wrists out toward me. “Isn’t this telling enough?”
No, that’s actually the easy way out.
“The attempt or telling you about it?”
Both.
She stared at me, offended. “I never said I was strong, Mathias.”
You don’t have to. You are strong. Why don’t you know that?
“Because my whole life, I had people telling me I was too weak.”
And you believed them?
“Obviously.” She paused. “The first time I tried to get away from my family was when I was sixteen. I ran away from the bus and the campaigning and tried to get to Europe. I got as far as the airport before the bodyguards caught up with me.”
And if they hadn’t stopped you...
“I wanted to disappear. And I told my parents and the doctors that. I wasn’t allowed to choose my own classes or my friends or my clothes. Everything was carefully orchestrated to get me to the next level, and the hospitalizations were kept quiet. The press thought I was homeschooled the second time I went to the hospital. This was right after the campaign started and they just had the doctors drug me up with happy pills, put me in long sleeves. Of course, there were always rumors, but the Chaos brought an end to most of the paparazzi.”
I watched her carefully. What was wrong?
“I was a teenage girl who wanted to do her own thing, not play family politics. Therefore, I must be crazy.” She held her body tight, so tense she looked like she’d break if I tried to touch her. I didn’t, continued to play the part of the bodyguard and not the boyfriend—a fucking ridiculous term when we’d nearly seen the end of the world—and she kept staring up at the darkness like that would give her all the answers.
You already have them.
I’d signed without thinking about it, and the movement of my hands caught her attention. She blinked in my direction and then she gave the briefest of smiles, lighting me up before it disappeared and her tight-lipped look was back.
I went over to her, wondering if she’d understood what I’d told her. It seemed like it, like she was trying to hide shit from me still. And that was never a good idea.
She tensed slightly, because she knew I was going to get her to talk. Part of her wanted to, but she’d want to be forced to tell me. I didn’t know if that’s the role I wanted to take, because it could come back to haunt both of us. But if she wanted to survive—and she’d already proven that a thousand times over—she’d have to share her burden.
“I don’t want to make you an accomplice to this.”
You think I’m not? She’d turned to see me mouth the words. I brushed a tear from her eye. You think I’m worried about a fight? About being targeted?
“Maybe you’re not, but am I not allowed to be worried for you?”
Yeah, I guess she was. And I’m not going to lie, it felt good. But it didn’t change what needed to happen. Let it go, Jessa.
She sighed, almost inaudibly, but it caught on a sob she tried to swallow down with a soft hiccup. I pressed my palm against the back of her neck, cupping it, massaging the tense muscles until she surrendered to the touch and hung her head. I didn’t stop for a long while, until she pulled away reluctantly, turned and caught my hand in hers.
“It’s bad, Mathias,” she said urgently, her voice a pained whisper. “The things I know...I should be dead for knowing them.”
Then why didn’t Charlie have you killed? Because that would’ve been simpler than selling her and coming up with the elaborate kidnapping scheme.
And then I knew. You were in on the kidnapping.
She nodded, the briefest of gestures, like acknowledging to me was physically painful. I let go of her hand, tried to anyway, but she gripped mine tightly, like she needed that contact to make me understand. “Mathias, you have to believe me. What you rescued me from, that was all real. Charlie betrayed me. What I found out...I thought he was as upset about it as I was. That’s what he told me. He said that we’d disappear, that the LoV would help us disappear, and then we could find a way to let the world know about what was going on. We’d get across country to the bunker in California, tell the senators who were housed there. And if not, he said we’d get out of the country, that some world leader would help us. That they’d listen to us, because of who we were.”