Gotta have a better class of watchdog.
“You up for the job?” Something in the way Keller asked chilled me.
You’re not getting her back.
Keller stared at Mathias for another beat, then smiled. “You’re willing to let me cut Defiance off then?”
“Guess you’re not wanting tubes then?” Caspar interjected.
“Threatening me?”
“Yes,” Caspar said. “Push me and I push back harder.”
Ain’t no easy way
Mathias
Caspar told Rebel to get Jessa out of there, and even though she didn’t want to, she complied. Caspar didn’t say a word until he was sure he was out of earshot, and then he asked Keller, “What’re you offering?”
I wasn’t stupid—I knew exactly what he’d been planning, and my show was simply to reiterate I could do the damned job with a hand tied behind my back.
Keller looked at me when he spoke. “It’s either the bitch or you.”
“What would you do with him?” Caspar asked Keller.
“Fight him. He’s gotta earn out the money I would’ve gotten from Charlie. Then he’s free.” Keller made it sound so simple, and talked about me like I wasn’t fucking there. I knew why Caspar did that, but I still hated him for it at that moment. Because I wasn’t Defiance and these decisions were mine.
Again, Bish’s hand on my shoulder grounded me. He knew the thoughts swirling through my head and he’d accept them.
But the answer was the one I’d originally screamed inside my mind when Keller first proposed the trade. I’ll do it. I’ll take on the debt.
Keller smiled and I prepared to go into the depths of hell, not sure if I’d ever see daylight again. But first, there was one more thing I had to take care of. I’ll double your money if you tell the Secret Service that you never saw a girl with Charlie if they come calling.
Keller rubbed his chin. “Why the fuck would I do that?”
Because otherwise, we tell them that you and the LoV kidnapped her. And she’s a pretty compelling witness.
Bish’s voice was so tense as he translated—more out of anger than anything, even though I knew he understood why I was doing this, offering myself upon Keller’s altar.
“It’s a deal. But how do you know I won’t tell them you killed Charlie?” Keller asked.
Because you love your money more than revenge.
I was packing, because, according to the terms, Keller would leave Jessa—and Defiance—alone, return to business as usual with Defiance and its food and gasoline source if I followed his car back to his compound today.
That was better. I wanted out before Jessa got word of it anyway. But I couldn’t escape Bish that easily. He caught me hurriedly packing things from the van inside my duffel and said, “You’re really going.”
I almost said, I don’t have a choice, but he’d call me on taking the easy way out. So I signed, Yes.
“Let me go instead.”
Keller doesn’t want you—he wants me. I’ll be fine.
Bish stared at me, because I was still lying. “You won’t. This will change you, Mathias.”
And it won’t change you?
“You know it won’t. I was born this way.”
And you know I never believed that.
“You always believed in me. Don’t stop now.”
I started walking and he walked beside me. We didn’t say anything until we saw Keller’s cars waiting on the ridge, and my bike parked behind them. I wondered if Bish had put it there, or if he’d refused and Caspar had made Rebel do it.
I didn’t ask, just said, I do believe in you, Bish.
“You love her, yes?”
Yes.
“And I love you enough to make sure that doesn’t get taken away.”
I believed him, but I got on my bike and rode away from him anyway. It was odd not to be in my van, not to have Bish by my side. Actually, it felt like I was cutting out a rib but I revved the throttle and hit the road as if he’d chase me.
But when I looked in the rearview, he was just standing there, watching me. I kept glancing at him as he got smaller and smaller until I went over the rise and he finally disappeared.
Between each line of pain and glory
Jessa
I waited forever, it seemed, until I’d heard the LoVs’ motorcycles drive away and I finally let out a sigh of relief. They’d gone, and I hadn’t heard a single gunshot, not even yelling. I paced until my legs ached, and the second I sat down, my eyes closed.
I opened them with a jerk, a couple of hours later, and I fully expected to find Mathias next to me. But even though I was still alone, I knew he’d been there, because I saw the lone tape, sitting on the table next to me.
I reached for it, saw Mathias’s handwriting. It was brand-new, a mix—one he’d made just for me. And they were all the songs I’d talked about with him, the ones on my favorite playlists, all left behind on the iPod back in D.C. He’d found the songs for me, bought them, because we’d talked about how music was at such a premium and was considered a luxury item these days.
But why hadn’t he waited to give them to me himself?
It was only then that I saw the other tape. I didn’t recognize all the songs, but there was one song on there that chilled me.
I’d told him that I thought the song, “Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me,” was the saddest song ever.
Why’s that?
“Because it sounds like one of them got left behind and all they have are their memories.”
Sounds like they’re damned good memories though.
“No. He couldn’t have...” I said out loud and slammed out of the house.
Rebel followed me, calling my name, but I ignored him and he didn’t try to stop me.
“Where is he? Where’s Mathias?” I demanded when I found Tru. She was with Aimee by the infirmary, and she looked like she might’ve been crying.
“You don’t know,” she said, her voice hoarse.
“Know what?”
Tru pulled me aside, made me sit on the bench next to her. “Keller wanted Mathias.”
“For what?”
“For you. In exchange for you.”
“What are you talking about? Keller wanted to sell me.”
“He’s not selling Mathias. Keller wants him to fight until he wins back every cent Charlie would’ve paid for you.”
I put a hand to my heart, made a fist. “How...how long will that take?”
Tru’s expression shuttered and I knew the amount of money Mathias was expected to win back was so ridiculous that it would never happen. Mathias had sold himself into some kind of slavery. For me. “I didn’t want him to do that.”
“You didn’t have a choice, Jessa. He wouldn’t let you be sold. And if he didn’t do it, Defiance would’ve lost too much. Mathias knew this was the best way to make peace for what he’d done.”
“What he’d done was rescue me, and now Defiance is going to punish him for it?”
“That’s not it, Jessa. But there’s a price for everything. Mathias knew there would be consequences and he told Caspar when he first brought you here that he’d suffer any of them if Cas would let you stay in Defiance.”
“And he did,” I said hollowly. “How could he...”
“For you.”
I sobbed. Tru didn’t try to stop me, but rather, it was her turn to hug me hard and I cried until I felt like I’d used up all my tears. I cried until my anger superseded anything else, until I was ready to do whatever it took to get Mathias back here.