So it went from What would Bish do? to What would Bish want me to do? And I knew without a doubt Bish would want me to kiss her. And I damned well wanted the same thing.
We were behind a curtain—a flimsy curtain—but I didn’t care about that or the fact that my body ached or my heart was torn in two and full of love at the same time. How could loss and gain happen in such a giant way?
“You’re hurt.”
I’m fine.
“I’m not. I’m not fine when you’re hurt, Mathias. You need to understand that.”
I didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t want to hurt her, so I got it. But I was torn between staying here with her—for her—and going to grab Bish and shake some goddamned sense into him.
But he’d done it for me, for me and Jessa, and not letting him give me that would be the worst thing I could do to him. Bish didn’t give gifts lightly.
One on one
Jessa
Mathias held me and I lay against his bare chest, never wanting to let him go. The infirmary was quiet and I didn’t care who’d hear us—me—because this was natural. Expected as well.
He bore a lot of bruises on his body and I traced them with my fingers and tongue, could tell when he moved under my touches. I knew then that I understood him. That it didn’t matter if I wasn’t fluent in signing yet.
“I kept studying,” I told him finally, signing along with my words. Slowly. But he was patient, even though he was trying hard to hold back his grin.
Yeah?
“Yeah.”
What else did you learn?
I paused and then I signed, I love you. Because for me, it meant more that way than simply saying it.
His eyes said it all. He nodded, took my hand in his and mouthed, I love you, Jessa.
I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. “You’d better.”
He grinned again and then sobered. No doubt thinking about Bishop, because really, we were a team together, and it felt like he should be here for this. Although I had no doubt Bishop already knew how Mathias and I felt about each other. “Bishop will come back.”
I know.
“I’m worried too. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. You’ve given up everything for me. And I’ve done nothing for you.”
You’ve done everything for me. You didn’t just bring me back to life—you brought me to life. Calmed me down and revved me up, all at the same time. The best love is one that balances you out, makes you feel complete. Doesn’t try to change you. Bish doesn’t try to change me, but when I’m with him, I’m a better person. When I’m with you, I’m a better man. You make me want to be the best man I can. I want to take you in my arms, keep you safe and protected.
“I want to do the same for you.”
His smile was lazy and dangerous, almost a dare to go ahead and protect him. But I didn’t run from anything anymore, especially not Mathias. “I’ll protect you from everything but me,” I promised, and that was a promise I intended to keep.
I slid my hand down his bare belly, into his shorts, and palmed his cock. He’d already been hard, and as I stroked, his jaw dropped and his hips jutted off the bed.
I’d seen the bruises on his body, but I knew he’d let me run roughshod over him. Still stroking his cock, I began to kiss and lick and bite my way down his body, paying special attention to the snake tattoo and the fleur-de-lis.
I was moaning along his skin and he let me map my way down his body, until I moved my hand to push his shorts down. And that’s when he flipped me and pulled my pants down. Sucked the tattoo he’d given me on my hip and left a bite mark next to it, marking me again. I moaned, that oh-so-sweet pleasure/pain line back again.
His mouth teased my sex, his tongue moving over me fast and hard, and I closed my eyes and told him, “Missed you, Mathias. Touched myself thinking about you. Missed all of this.”
And then I came, calling out Mathias’s name. I wasn’t completely done with the orgasm when his breath huffed against my cheek, his cock throbbing between my legs. He slid inside of me and I called his name out loud again. He grabbed my wrists, pinning them above my head with one of his hands, forced my legs back and spread so I was completely helpless against his thrusts.
“If you took down the curtain, you could earn your eight-ball patch,” I managed.
Plenty of time for that.
“Good,” I told him fiercely. “Good.”
He came then, his body jackknifing, but I swear, he was still hard. He never stopped thrusting, although the rhythm turned lazy, but no less intense. Especially not when he came again a few minutes later, his mouth open in a silent howl.
I’ve said it all
Mathias
She submitted to my hold easily, her hips keeping to my rhythm, because even after I came I couldn’t stop fucking moving. Her hair splayed over the pillows and her lips were swollen from where she’d been biting them. It hadn’t stopped her from crying out, though.
Beautiful. Fucking beautiful, and she was mine. One hundred percent. No one was taking her from me. And I planned on tattooing her again, marking her with my ink, mouth, teeth, cock...
Sinking into her pussy—hot, wet, demanding—was all about coming home. Coming home and staying there. Forever. Because there was no turning back from Jessa. There never was. For the first time, I was so fucking grateful for whatever fate had thrown in my path to get me to this place.
If I hadn’t been cursed, I couldn’t’ve been blessed. And I sure as hell had been blessed.
Beautiful
Jessa
Afterward, I lay in his arms, holding him like I needed to make up for the lost time.
“I made you something.”
He looked at me warily and signed as he mouthed, Not like a sweater or anything, right?
I nudged him playfully. “I don’t even knit.”
I don’t think you’d let something like that stop you.
“You know I’d been practicing signs. The basics. But I didn’t stop and Bishop drew me up more cheat sheets last week. I should’ve realized then what he’d planned.”
That’s what you made me? Cheat sheets?
“No. I’ve got this.” She reached into her pocket and she pulled out a piece of paper. “I didn’t have a lot of the songs, and I didn’t have any tapes... God, this is the worst gift ever, right?”
He took the paper from me. I’d written down all the songs I’d want to put on a tape for him—and some of the lyrics too—and that was my love letter to him.
It’s perfect, he mouthed.
“But there’s no music.”
He put my hand over his head and said, Yeah, there is, Jessa.
Chapter Thirty-Five
All that you need is in your soul
Mathias
It took a solid week before Jessa let me out of her sight for more than ten seconds. I couldn’t blame her, so I waited until she felt comfortable enough to actually go hang out with Tru and Aimee for a while before I headed to see Caspar.