“Keller offered Bishop a night off to come here,” Tru told her last night. “Bishop refused.”
When she checked this with Mathias, just hours before, he’d signed, Yeah, I know.
“Why would he refuse?”
He doesn’t want to see what he can’t have.
“So why ask him in the first place?”
That wasn’t me. I’d never do that. He paused. He’ll come back, Luna. I know that. I’ve just got to keep being happy.
“But how can you be happy?”
Because otherwise, his entire sacrifice is a waste, and Bish is a big believer in sacrifice. It’s an important part of who he is.
It was a part of Bishop she thought she’d never understand. Now, she found herself driving through the night to Keller’s compound.
Normally, she’d have shared her plan with Rebel, because she’d shared everything with him for as long as she could remember. She’d been the butt of jokes, of pitying looks, but she’d kept a secret she wouldn’t even tell her best friend.
But Bishop...he’d known. They’d never talked about it, but it was there, in the way he looked at her, the way he treated her.
Most of all, it was in the way he looked at Rebel. I can’t protect him forever.
She drove the truck over the potholed roads at what seemed to be a hundred miles an hour. She’d thought about taking her bike, but knew that wasn’t smart, and these days, she forced herself to be smart.
Like driving up to Keller’s gates all by yourself is such a brilliant idea, right?
She told herself to shut up and pushed the car viciously into gear. Because she might be a lot of things, but scared wasn’t one of them. She’d thrown that emotion away after Aimee had gotten hurt, because fear had never gotten any of them anywhere.
* * * * *
Afterword
If anyone should ever write my life story...
—Gladys Knight & the Pips, “Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me”
Music’s always a huge part of my process, so it’s no surprise that it’s a big part of my characters’ lives as well. For both Mathias and Jessa, music is inside of them. Music saves them And I loved being able to tell their stories through the music, so I’ve included some of the playlists—aka the mixed tapes—they made for each other below.
These are the songs on the tape Mathias’s dad made for his mom while they were dating:
The Rolling Stones, “Wild Horses”
Frankie Valli, “My Eyes Adored You”
Roberta Flack, “Killing Me Softly”
The Eagles, “Take It Easy”
Queen, “Play the Game”
Janis Joplin, “Piece of My Heart”
Lynyrd Skynyrd, “Simple Man”
Styx, “The Best of Times”
The Rolling Stones, “Shine a Light”
Bad Company, “Ready for Love”
Seals & Crofts, “Get Closer”
Crosby, Stills & Nash, “Southern Cross”
George Thorogood and the Destroyers, “Who Do You Love?”
These are some of Mathias’s favorites:
Metallica, “Enter Sandman”
Def Leppard, “Photograph”
Godsmack, “Saints and Sinners”
Billy Swan, “I Can Help”
Alice in Chains, “Man in the Box”
Audioslave, “Like a Stone”
Cypress Hill, “Insane in the Brain”
David Bowie, “Young Americans”
Eagles, “New Kid in Town”
Kansas, “Carry on Wayward Son”
Sister Hazel, “Your Winter”
4 Non Blondes, “What’s Up?”
George Thorogood and the Destroyers, “Bad to the Bone”
Quiet Riot, “Bang Your Head (Metal Health)”
The Notorious B.I.G., “Hypnotize”
Great White, “Once Bitten, Twice Shy”
Montell Jordan, “This Is How We Do It”
AC/DC, “Back in Black”
Rob Halford, “Light Comes Out of Black”
Duran Duran, “The Wild Boys”
REM, “Losing My Religion”
Styx, “Renegade”
Fleetwood Mac, “The Chain”
Papa Roach, “Last Resort”
Cypress Hill feat. Tom Morello, “Rise Up”
Pearl Jam, “Alive”
Queen, “Bohemian Rhapsody”
Trapt, “Headstrong”
Triumph, “Fight the Good Fight”
Godsmack, “Good Times, Bad Times”
Godsmack, “Love-Hate-Sex-Pain”
These are the songs that Mathias managed to find for Jessa:
The Verve, “Bittersweet Symphony”
Ace of Base, “The Sign”
Avril Lavigne, “Complicated”
Melissa Etheridge, “I’m the Only One”
Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Aeroplane”
3 Doors Down, “Here Without You”
Jay-Z, “Dirt Off Your Shoulder”
Sheryl Crow, “The First Cut Is the Deepest”
Linkin Park, “Numb”
Los Lonely Boys, “Heaven”
Maroon 5, “She Will Be Loved”
No Doubt, “It’s My Life”
Santana feat. Chad Kroeger, “Why Don’t You & I?”
Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”
Papa Roach, “Scars”
3 Doors Down, “Let Me Go”
Buckcherry, “Sorry”
Kings of Leon, “Use Somebody”
All-American Rejects, “Gives You Hell”
Marcy Playground, “Sex & Candy”
TLC, “Waterfalls”
Britney Spears, “...Baby One More Time”
Smash Mouth, “All Star”
Santana feat. Rob Thomas, “Smooth”
Creed, “Higher”
3 Doors Down, “Kryptonite”
Christina Aguilera, “What a Girl Wants”
Macy Gray, “I Try”
Staind, “It’s Been a While”
Duran Duran, “Save a Prayer”
Elton John, “Levon”
Mötley Crüe, “Home Sweet Home”
Fleetwood Mac, “Over My Head”
The Moody Blues, “Your Wildest Dreams”
Don Henley, “The Boys of Summer”
Night Ranger, “Sister Christian”
Bad Company, “Ready for Love”
Supertramp, “Take the Long Way Home”
Papa Roach, “Scars”