‘And you had forty-eight hours of that?’
‘Fifty. The relieving officer wasn’t in a hurry.’
‘And when you came out you went straight to the CCS?’
‘I didn’t go, I was carried.’
A tap on the door. Rivers called out angrily, ‘I’m with a patient.’
A short pause as they listened to footsteps fading down the corridor. Prior said, ‘I met the relieving officer.’
‘In the clearing station?’
‘No, here. He walked past me on the top corridor. Poor bastard left his Lewis guns behind. He was lucky not to be court-martialled.’
‘Did you speak?’
‘We nodded. Look, you might like to think it’s one big happy family out there, but it’s not. They despise each other.’
‘You mean you despise yourself.’
Prior looked pointedly across Rivers’s shoulder. ‘It’s eleven o’clock.’
‘All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘I thought of going into Edinburgh tomorrow.’
Rivers looked up. ‘At nine.’
‘I can guess what Graves said. What a fine upstanding man I was until I fell among pacifists. Isn’t that right? Russell used me. Russell wrote the Declaration.’
‘No, he didn’t say that.’
‘Good. Because it isn’t true.’
‘You don’t think you were influenced by Russell?’
‘No, not particularly. I think I was influenced by my own experience of the front. I am capable of making up my own mind.’
‘Was this the first time you’d encountered pacifism?’
‘No. Edward Carpenter, before the war.’
‘You read him?’
‘Read him. Wrote to him.’ He smiled slightly. ‘I even made the Great Pilgrimage to Chesterfield.’
‘You must’ve been impressed to do that.’
Sassoon hesitated. ‘Yes, I…’
Watching him, Rivers perceived that he’d led Sassoon unwittingly on to rather intimate territory. He was looking for a way of redirecting the conversation when Sassoon said, ‘I read a book of his. The Intermediate Sex. I don’t know whether you know it?’
‘Yes. I’ve had patients who swore their entire lives had been changed by it.’
‘Mine was. At least I don’t know about “changed”. “Saved”, perhaps.’
‘As bad as that?’
‘At one point, yes. I’d got myself into quite a state.’
Rivers waited.
‘I didn’t seem able to feel… well. Any of the things you’re supposed to feel. It got so bad I used to walk all night sometimes. I used to wait till everybody else was in bed, and then I’d just… get out and walk. The book was a life-saver. Because I suddenly saw that… I wasn’t just a freak. That there was a positive side. Have you read it?’
Rivers clasped his hands behind his head. ‘Yes. A long time ago now.’
‘What did you think?’
‘I found it quite difficult. Obviously you have to admire the man’s courage, and the way he’s… opened up the debate. But I don’t know that the concept of an intermediate sex is as helpful as people think it is when they first encounter it. In the end nobody wants to be neuter. Anyway, the point is Carpenter’s pacifism doesn’t seem to have made much impression?’
‘I don’t know if I was aware of it even. I didn’t think much about politics. The next time I encountered pacifism was Robert Ross. I met him, oh, I suppose two years ago. He’s totally opposed to the war.’
‘And that didn’t influence you either?’
‘No. Obviously it made things easier at a personal level. I mean, frankly, any middle-aged man who Believed in The War would…’Sassoon skidded to a halt. ‘Present company excepted.’
Rivers bowed.
‘I didn’t even bother showing him the Declaration. I knew he wouldn’t go along with it.’
‘Why wouldn’t he? Out of concern for you?’
‘Ye-es. Yes, that certainly, but… Ross was a close friend of Wilde’s. I suppose he’s learnt to keep his head below the parapet.’
‘And you haven’t.’
‘I don’t like holes in the ground.’
Rivers began polishing his glasses on his handkerchief. ‘You know, I realize Ross’s caution probably seems excessive. To you. But I hope you won’t be in too much of a hurry to dismiss it. There’s nothing more despicable than using a man’s private life to discredit his views. But it’s very frequently done, even by people in my profession. People you might think wouldn’t resort to such tactics. I wouldn’t like to see it happen to you.’
‘I thought discrediting my views was what you were about?’
Rivers smiled wryly. ‘Let’s just say I’m fussy about the methods.’
Rivers had kept two hours free of appointments in the late afternoon in order to get on with the backlog of reports. He’d been working for half an hour when Miss Crowe tapped on the door. ‘Mr Prior says could he have a word?’
Rivers pulled a face. ‘I’ve seen him once today. Does he say what’s wrong?’
‘No, this is the father.’
‘I didn’t even know he was coming.’
She started to close the door. ‘I’ll tell him you’re busy, shall I?’
‘No, no, I’ll see him.’
Mr Prior came in. He was a big, thick-set man with a ruddy complexion, dark hair sleeked back, and a luxuriant, drooping, reddish-brown moustache. ‘I’m sorry to drop on you like this,’ he said. ‘I thought our Billy had told you we were coming.’
‘I think he probably mentioned it. If he did, I’m afraid it slipped my mind.’
Mr Prior looked him shrewdly up and down. ‘Nab. Wasn’t your mind it slipped.’
‘Well, sit down. How did you find him?’
‘Difficult to tell when they won’t talk, isn’t it?’
‘Isn’t he talking? He was this morning.’
‘Well, he’s not now.’
‘It does come and go.’
‘Oh, I’m sure. Comes when it’s convenient and goes when it isn’t. What’s supposed to be the matter?’
‘Physically, nothing.’ Two l’s, Rivers thought. ‘I think perhaps there’s something he’s afraid to talk about, so he solves the problem by making it impossible for himself to speak. This is… beneath the surface. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.’
‘If he doesn’t, it’ll be the first time.’
Rivers tried a different tack. ‘I believe he volunteered, didn’t he? The first week of the war.’
‘He did. Against my advice, not that that’s ever counted for much.’
‘You didn’t want him to go?’
‘No I did not. I told him, time enough to do summat for the Empire when the Empire’s done summat for you.’
‘It is natural for the young to be idealistic.’
‘Ideals had nowt to do with it. He was desperate to get out of his job.’