“I didn’t realize he was out of rehab.”
“Just this week.” Hudson met her stare, his eyes tracing the delicate contours of her face. “I would cancel, but it’s the first time we’re getting together since they sprung him.”
“Don’t be silly. Nick has to come first right now.” Her gaze softened. “How’s he doing?” With any other woman he might have registered disappointment in her expression or tone, but with Allie there was nothing but sincerity and genuine interest.
“So far so good. He seems to be taking to the program. Although I think he’s concerned about the holidays, called them a trigger. Not that they were ever a big deal growing up.” Hudson’s brow furrowed and a frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Then again, maybe that’s why . . .”
With a hard slam, the steel gates opened and memories of the holidays he and Nick had shared were unleashed like a criminal out of jail. Most adults loved to recount their holiday traditions, but Hudson wasn’t one of them. For him there were no happy memories of singing the Twelve-fucking-Days-of-Christmas, or of opening presents the morning of rather than Christmas Eve. And there certainly wasn’t a mother in the kitchen, frying bacon as her smiling kids played with the toys she’d labored over selecting.
In the early days things had been different, but those memories were blurred and faded to the point that sometimes he wondered if they were just a figment of his imagination. After his father died everything had changed, and those were the images that filled his mind when he thought of the holidays: his mother, counting the days of Christmas by the number of pills she had left in the bottle; Nick, begging him to get them a tree and being thrilled with the discarded Charlie Brown version Hudson would drag home from some dumpster; or him, scraping enough cash together to buy Nick something to open the morning other kids would wake to a living room full of toys. These were the memories he couldn’t shake. They were like the black mold that crept up a wall and slowly took over.
Allie framed his face with her hands, anchoring him in the moment. “You know, they have meetings you can go to as well. Family support groups.”
“Your concern is one of the things I love about you.” Hudson’s lips curved sinfully before he dropped his head to her neck, sucking the sensitive skin. “But I’d like to know more about this hooky idea.”
Her fingers threaded into his hair, her nails raking against his scalp. Goddamn it, she knew all his trigger points.
Allie gasped and yanked his head up. “Let’s go Christmas shopping,” she said, her face lighting up with a smile that was her fucking Hail Mary.
“I have people who do that.” He lowered his head again, his tongue flickering over the hollow of her throat.
“Don’t be such a Grinch. It’s not Christmas without a trip to Macy’s on State Street.”
Hudson smiled against her skin. “Ah, I do enjoy Macy’s.”
She laughed. “I wasn’t talking about the dressing rooms.”
“Damn.” His fingers flexed as he shoved the thirteen-million-thread sheet count down, exposing her body.
“I meant the Walnut Room, lunch under the giant tree . . . Oh! Let’s get a tree.”
He palmed her breast, his thumb brushing over her nipple. “I don’t usually decorate the penthouse.” He exchanged his thumb for his index finger, stroking until her nipple hardened under his touch.”There’s a service that does that at the office. I could call them.”
“What fun would that be?”
Hudson didn’t reply. Instead he claimed her nipple with a gentle bite.
Her hands shot to his face, and his lips tugged free of her breast. “I want to do this, Hudson. I want to make this special forNick.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Besides, this will be the first holiday without my family.” Her eyes were haunted by both the reality of being alone and the gruesome scene continually on replay. But as he stared at her he saw hope flicker in their depths, igniting her to move forward and create new memories. Memories with him in it.
Just like that, Allie had located the crack in the foundation of his hardened heart, the tiny fissure that allowed her to squeeze her way past his dark memories that were the antithesis of a Norman Rockwell painting. Hudson’s perspective shifted as he realized he couldn’t see beyond the two people who were his life. He couldn’t imagine living out his days in the darkness that shadowed him like the Grim-fucking-Reaper. But like death, his memories were always there, lingering in the background, waiting for the opportunity to slam him into a brick wall.
Shaking off the residual feelings from his trip into Christmas past, Hudson engaged himself in Christmas present. Allie need him, needed the distraction of throwing herself headlong into the holidays. And fuck him, he’d wear a goddamn Santa suit if it would keep a smile on her face.
“Okay.” He brushed his lips against hers, then teased her with slow flicks of his tongue.
Allie smiled broadly against his mouth. “And when we’re done shopping we can swing by Daley Plaza . . .” She rambled as he dipped his head and his tongue did a slow sweep across her collarbone. “The Christkindlmarket is open.”
“The what?” He moved lower, his tongue curling around her nipple, his mouth enveloping the taught peak, then sucking.
“The Christmas village. The tents are all set up. We can get a tree there, I think . . .” When her nipple tightened and swelled in his mouth, he shifted to give her other breast the same attention. “And maybe pick out an ornament,” she continued, carrying on a conversation with herself.
“Jesus Christ, woman. I’m hard as a rock here. Can we talk about this shit later?” He moved down her stomach, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.
“I wonder if they can deliver it this weekend?”
He flattened his tongue and licked leisurely through her slick lips. As he circled her opening, Allie’s breath hitched and a soft moan rushed out of her mouth. “Oh . . . okay . . .”
Jackpot.
He felt her muscles tighten around his tongue as he tormented her tender flesh, completely seduced by her taste.
“That’s it . . .” He glanced up from between her legs, across all that perfect female skin. He wanted to see her face, but her back was arched and all he could see was the tips of her nipples as her chest heaved.
“Don’t stop,” Allie begged. Her fingers twisted almost painfully in his hair.
“Wouldn’t even if I could, baby,” he said, smiling to himself as he hooked her leg over his shoulder.
Chapter Seventeen
Allie stared up at the fifty-foot spruce that towered over Daley Plaza. All at once memories of her as a small girl, wearing a white fur coat and standing on a dais between her parents as the mayor flipped the switch to light the city’s official Christmas tree, filled her mind. She remembered the collective gasp from the people who gathered in front of the stage and the hundreds more who milled around the Christkindlmarket. Year after year she’d had the best seat in the house. But secretly she’d longed to join the other children, eating fried dough covered in powdered sugar while watching with wide eyes as glassblowers created ornaments for their parents to take home and hang on the family tree.
“So what exactly is a Christkind?” Hudson asked, pulling her from her childhood memories. He’d groused about their little holiday adventure, lobbying hard for a day in bed as opposed to one spent among “the masses of people buying items they neither need nor really want.” But he’d come around once they were out on the snow-covered streets. And looking at him now, his hand linked with hers as they stood side by side amidst complete holiday mayhem, Allie couldn’t help but smile. For as different as their backgrounds were, when it came to the holidays at least, they had one thing in common: neither of them had fond memories. As she reveled in the love reflected in his warm gaze, Allie realized this was a second chance for both of them. They had each other now, and together they could create new memories that would slowly replace the old ones. Together they would find their way.