As if on cue, Remi starts wailing, her tiny fists pummeling the air. Angela rushes over and lifts the baby to her shoulder.
Mikey spreads his palm across his daughter’s back. “Do you understand what I’m saying? When you return to the past, you will be tempted to save Callie. You must resist. Her action was huge; she changed our entire world. If you try to change it back, if you try to stop her from stabbing the syringe into her heart, you will erase the lives of all the children who were born in the last ten years. You will risk Remi’s very existence.”
Angela gasps. “You wouldn’t do that, would you, Jessa? You wouldn’t take Remi away from me, even if it meant you could save Callie. Right?”
I look at the baby on her shoulder. At the chubby cheeks, the perfectly formed lips parted in an O. I reach for her, and Angela slowly hands her over, as though she’s loath to part with her daughter. Especially now.
The second the warm, delicious weight of Remi settles against my chest, the moment I feel her silken-flower skin, the instant I smell that clean baby-fresh scent, I know. This life is precious. It is exquisite and unique. As are the lives of the millions of other children born in the last decade. I’m not at all interested in extinguishing those lives. I’m not remotely similar to Chairwoman Dresden. I will never, ever be her assistant.
If I had any doubts, they’re erased right here in this moment.
“You have my word, Angela.” I brush my chin against the soft down on the baby’s head. “I would travel to the end of time to keep her safe.”
“Thank you,” Angela whispers. I pass the baby back to her, and for a moment, all four of us watch Remi sleep. The most uneventful pastime in the world—but somehow the most meaningful.
Angela lays Remi back in her cradle and shuffles to the holo-doc. “Now get your butt over here and memorize this blueprint.”
42
Twenty-four hours later, the air whispers across the nape of my neck. My robe is cinched tightly around my waist. I’ve gone over the events of that ill-fated day so many times I’ve got the entire schedule memorized down to the minute.
Logan’s been telling me stories for years about what happened on Callie’s last day. But I had to be sure. I couldn’t leave anything to guesswork. So I holo-called Logan and asked him to run down the day’s events again, making up some story about how I wanted to memorialize the day in my journal.
I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Besides, I’m used to going on adventures. Sure, this will be the first time my escapade takes me across time. The first time I’m without my usual sidekick, Ryder. But this is nothing new for me. In fact, you could say all my other exploits were just a preparation for this one.
Doesn’t mean my heart’s not trying to race out of my chest.
“Relax, Jessa,” Tanner says. He’s wearing a similar robe, and I can see his bare collarbone. “Preston says it’s more difficult to push a stressed body through time.”
I roll my eyes. I was there, right along with Tanner, when my dad gave us those instructions. In fact, that’s precisely why we’re waiting in the mudroom. My dad doesn’t want us to go into the living area of the cabin, where the time machine is located, until the very last moment. Something about not wanting to elevate our heart rates.
Too late.
I press my hand against my chest. “Gee, thanks for the reminder. Have any brilliant ideas on how to make me more relaxed?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” He shifts closer, his eyes as bright as solar flares.
I can’t help it. My mind knows I’m mad at him, but my body automatically leans closer, too.
“You’re freaking out about us seeing each other naked for the first time,” he says, his tone placid and reasonable. “So I say we go ahead and take off our clothes, in the privacy of this room. Without your parents looking on. Without something as heavy as a mission hanging over us. Then you won’t have anything to be nervous about. Am I right?”
I blink. He can’t possibly be serious.
He puts his hand on the knot of his belt and begins to loosen it.
Oh. Dear. Fates. He is serious.
“Wait,” I screech, lunging over to him and holding his robe closed. “That won’t make me feel better at all.”
“It would make me feel better,” he whispers.
My hands are on his chest, so I can feel his heart sprinting. In a race, it would rival mine. His lips are inches away. If required, I could reproduce their shape on a holo-screen. His hot breath mixes with mine, and if I lean forward just a little bit, we’d be kissing.
“Will you ever forgive me, Jessa?” Tanner asks, breaking the spell. Bringing me back to myself. “I messed up. I failed to see the bigger picture.” He moves his shoulders, as helpless as the little boy who lives inside him, the one who lost his parents and was raised by an institution. “I was doing the only thing I knew. The only thing I was taught. Everything for the sake of science. Progress is life, and life is progress. That motto was hardwired into me when I was a kid, and so, I invented future memory without thinking about the consequences. Without thinking about your sister or the future. I know better now, and I’m sorry.”
I take a breath and slowly release it. A part of me weakens, that soft underbelly of my soul that has yet to be scarred by tragedy. That part wants to hold him tight because we’re in this life together, this sucky, sucky life where people die and the chairwoman rules.
Tell him you forgive him, that voice inside me pleads. You’re about to leave on a highly dangerous trip through time. Hasn’t your father’s example taught you anything? You may never get this chance again. Tell him now.
I let go of his robe and take a step back, gathering my courage. “I…forgive you. I believe you couldn’t have known. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. But you did, and that means we can’t pretend it never happened. We can’t go back to before.”
“I wouldn’t want to,” he says softly. “Our mistakes are as much a part of our lives as anything else. We have to embrace them, to learn from them in order to grow. I don’t want to go back, but I’d like to start over. Could you give me another chance? Pretend we’re just now meeting each other? I promise I’ll be less obnoxious this time around.”
I look at him, this boy who’s been in my class but whom I really didn’t know for years. He infuriated me from our first conversation at the hoverpark. And yet, with each passing day, he peeled away the layers of his confidence and arrogance, bit by bit, to show me his true heart. Would I forget everything I’ve seen just because he made a mistake? In a world where we can’t change our past without significant consequences, would I throw away our future?
Fike, I’ve made mistakes, too. Just ask my mom. And yet, she continues to love me.
I take a deep breath. “I’ll try,” I say. That’s the very best I can give him at this moment.
43
A rail suspended from the ceiling runs down the center of the living area. A thick metal arch hangs from one end of the rail, nearly as wide as the room. On the other end, my dad stands in front of a computer terminal, his hands dancing over a keyball, while my mother reviews a holo-doc of her notes. In the center of the room is a glass platform with two sets of footprints imprinted on the surface.
That’s where Tanner and I are supposed to stand.
Sweat breaks out along my hairline, and I tug at the neck of my robe, trying to get a little air circulation. And my heart rate? Just as Preston predicted, it’s climbing off the charts.
“How, uh…how exactly does this time machine work?” I ask.
Preston looks up, two parallel lines creasing his brow. “What do you know about the Einstein-Rosen bridge?”