“I could never hate you. I love you too much. And I respect you too much.”
“For what?” Her eyes were empty and sad. “What have I done to deserve that?”
“You've survived!—under rotten circumstances, thanks to my mother—you're a terrific mother to Vanessa, you've knocked yourself out working and supporting her. You're an amazing woman, Serena.”
“I don't feel amazing.” She gazed at him with enormous eyes. “I feel sad. Sad at what I can't be to you.”
“So do I. But maybe it's better this way.” He hugged her again, praying that his desire for her wouldn't betray him. He pulled away again after a minute. “Just promise me one thing, when you fall in love again one day, and you will, make sure he's a terrific
guy.”
“Teddy!” She laughed and the agony of the past half hour began to lighten a little. “What a thing to say!”
“I mean it.” And he looked as though he did. “You deserve the best there is. And you need a man in your life.” He knew from what she had told him in her letters of her celibate life just how long it had been.
“I don't need a man.” She was smiling now.
“Why not?”
“Because I have the best brother in the world.” She slipped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. “You.” And as he felt her next to him he felt his whole body tingle, but they had come a long way from the past in a few hours and now he knew where he stood.
33
The next day Serena had to go to work, and instead of leaving Vanessa with the sitter, she left her with Teddy, and after lunch they came to visit her at work. They found her on the second floor, in a magnificent lilac taffeta ballgown, and as they got off the elevator Teddy saw her, and he stopped for a moment just to watch her, as he caught his breath. What a magnificent woman she had become in his absence. She had grown into her full promise and more. Even Vanessa seemed to sense something remarkable in her mother and she looked at her with awe. Serena looked like someone in a priceless painting as she swept into a chair and held out her arms in opera-length white kid gloves.
“Hi, sweetheart. Oh, you look so pretty!” Teddy had dressed her in a blue organdy dress and black patent-leather shoes with white knee socks and a blue satin ribbon in her silky blond hair. And then Serena's eyes found Teddy. “Hello.” She smiled. “How are you managing?” “I'm loving it.” And then as Vanessa wandered away for a moment, his eyes held her close to him for just a fraction of a second, and then the brotherly look came back to his eyes. “What are you and Vanessa doing this afternoon?” “Going out for ice cream. I told her I'd take her to the zoo tomorrow.” “Don't you want some time for yourself?” She looked troubled. What would they do when he was gone? But perhaps he would come out and visit. They had talked about it this morning over breakfast, but everything but the present seemed very remote. “I'll be home at five thirty. I'll take over then.”
He chuckled softly. “Seeing you in that outfit, I can't imagine you doing anything except maybe going to the opera.”
“Not exactly, love.” She grinned at him. “I have to do the laundry tonight. This is all make-believe.”
“You could have fooled me.” He laughed softly, still somewhat in awe of her looks. And as he gazed at her Vanessa came scampering back to show her the lollipop one of the saleswomen had given her.
“And now we're going out for ice cream!” She looked happily at Teddy.
“I know all about it. Have a good time, you two.” It was an odd feeling, watching them leave hand in hand. She always felt so terribly responsible for Vanessa, as though there were no one who could ever take her place, but as she watched the child with her uncle, she suddenly felt as though she could relax. If something had happened to her at that very moment, Vanessa would have been safe and well cared for. Just knowing that took a thousand-pound weight off her back.
That night the three of them cooked spaghetti, and Teddy read Vanessa stories in bed, while Serena cleaned up. She wore slacks and a black turtleneck sweater, her hair wound high on her head, and she looked very different from the magical creature who had worn the lilac taffeta ballgown only that afternoon, as Teddy mentioned with a grin when she came in and told them that it was time to turn off the lights.
“You know, I was serious last night when I asked you about your modeling.” He looked at her intently as she finished up in the kitchen and he munched a handful of grapes. “You have the makings of a great model, Serena. I don't know a damn thing about the business, but I know what you look like, and there's nothing like it in this country. I bought some magazines when I was out with Vanessa today.” He pulled them out of a bag on one of the kitchen chairs and showed her, flipping through them. “Look at that … baby, there's no one like you.”
“Maybe they like it like that.” She refused to take him seriously. “Look, Teddy.” She looked almost amused at his faith in her. “I got lucky, I got a job here at the store, they use me a lot because they need me and I look all right in their clothes. But this is a small town, this is not like New York, or where there's a lot of competition. If I went to New York, they'd probably laugh in my face.”
“Do you want to try it?” He looked intrigued at the idea, and Serena shrugged.
“I don't know. I have to think about it.” But her eyes had begun to light up, and men she looked at Teddy seriously for a moment. “I don't want you to pay my way to New York though.”
“Why not?”
“I don't take charity.”
“How about justice?” He looked annoyed. “I'm living off your money, you know.”
“How do you figure that?”
“If my brother had had enough sense to make a will, you'd have got his money and none of this would even be an issue. Instead, thanks to my charming mother, it reverted to his brothers. I got half of Brad's money, Serena, and in truth it belongs to you.”
She shook her head firmly. “If it belongs to anyone, then maybe Vanessa.” Her eyes lifted to his. “So when you make a will, perhaps one day …”She hated to say the words, but he nodded.
“I did that before I went to Korea, because you were so damn stubborn you didn't take anything from me.”
“I'm not your responsibility, Teddy.”
He looked at her soberly. “I wish to hell you were.” But she didn't answer. There was no question of that. She would never have accepted anything from him.
She was independent now, and intent on taking care of herself and her own. “Why don't you ever let me help you?”
Her eyes were serious as she answered. “Because I have to take care of myself and Vanessa, there's no one else who's going to be there for us all the time, Teddy. You have your own life. You don't owe us anything. Nothing. The only person I ever counted on was Brad, and now that's over, he's gone.”
“And you don't think that anyone will ever take his place?” It hurt him to ask her the question, especially after what had happened between them the night before.
“I don't know.” And then she sighed softly. “But I do know one thing, and that is that no matter how much I may love you or need you, Teddy, I will never let myself be dependent on you.”
“But why? Brad would have wanted you to.”
“He knew me better than that, scrubbing floors in my parents' palazzo. Besides, I made a deal with your mother.”
Teddy's eyes were instantly angry. “A deal that cost her nothing and has cost you three years of hard work.”
“I don't mind that. It's been for Vanessa.”
“And what about you? Don't you have a right to more than that?”
“If I want more, I'll get it for myself.”
He sighed then. “You don't suppose you'll ever get smart and marry me, will you?”