Lindsay took a proffered chair and watched him as he stared out of a window towards the harbour.
The other man said slowly, ‘Also, we’ve been waiting for instructions from Admiralty. Certain recommendations have been made, and it’s my duty to inform you of them.’ He turned and studied Lindsay thoughtfully.
‘The war’s speeding up. Increased submarine activity and long-range aircraft have made previous ideas obsolete. Almost overnight, in a manner of speaking.’
Lindsay tensed. He had been expecting a hint of orders, even acceptance of his own recommendations for some of Benbecula’s company. But something in the Chief of Staff’s tone, his attitude, seemed to act like a warning. He was troubled. No, he was embarrassed.
‘My staff, are arranging your orders, Lindsay. But I think it best all round if you know without any more delay.’ He sat down behind the desk and looked at his hands.
Benbecula will return to U.K. as soon as the dockyard say she is seaworthy.’
Seaworthy. Not ready for action or patrol duty. She merely had to be able to make the passage home.
Lindsay asked tightly, ‘And then, sir?’
‘Rosyth. I gather they want her as a sort of depot cum accommodation ship for incoming drafts, replacement personnel and so forth.’ He flicked over some papers. ‘Your first lieutenant will be promoted to commander upon arrival there. He will also assume command from that time.’ He tried to smile. ‘Bit of a rough diamond, I gather, but he should be all right for the job.’ He dropped his eyes again. ‘It seems very likely that your promotion is already on its way here. I’m glad for you. Yo u’ve more than earned it.’
Lindsay felt as if the walls were moving inwards. Crushing the air from his lungs.
‘And my appointment, sir?’
The Chief of Staff did not look up. ‘The Navy’s growing every day. Recruits are flooding the depots like ants. We’re having to cut courses rather than lengthen them, and they need the very best help they can get.’ He plucked at the litter of papers. ‘I detest this job. I entered the Service to feel a ship around me. I know this work is important and I’m doing more good here than I would be on the bridge of some cruiser in Scapa Flow.’ He shrugged. ‘But I still find it hard to take.’ His eyes lifted to Lindsay’s face and he added quietly, ‘As you will, at first.’
‘Shore job?’
‘They’re putting the finishing touches to a new training depot on the east coast. Hasn’t got a name yet, but I’ve no doubt their lordships will have dreamed up something grand by the time you take command.’
Lindsay was on his feet without noticing he had moved from the chair. East coast. Shore job. Probably a peacetime holiday camp or hotel converted for training purposes. A white ensign on a flag mast. A ship’s bell by the main gate. A temporary illusion for temporary sailors.
He said-, ‘I thought I was going to get…’
The Chief of Staff watched him sadly. ‘I know. You can appeal against the decision of course, but you know as well as I do what weight it will have.’
Lindsay crossed to the window and stared blindly at the courtyard below. He could see the new depot as if he had actually visited it already. Could almost hear voices saying, ‘The new captain? Oh yes, came to us because he’s a bit bomb happy.’
Most of the officers who commanded such establishments were old, retired and brought back to the Navy to help spread the load. Men like Commodore Kemp.
He heard himself ask, ‘I take it this was Kemp’s idea, sir?’
‘You know I cannot discuss confidential reports.’ The Chief of Staff added, ‘But you may draw your ownconclusions.’
‘I will appeal.’ He turned away from the window and saw the other man give a brief shake of the head.
‘It is your privilege. However, as there is a war on, and on the face of things you are being given a just promotion, I think you should be warned against such a course of action.’
A telephone rang impatiently and the Chief of Staff snapped. ‘No. Wait.’ He slammed it back before adding quietly, ‘I do not know Kemp very well. I would go further. I do not wish to know him very well. But from what I hear of him I would say he is not the sort who would act without apparent justification.’
Lindsay strode to the desk and leaned on it, his voice almost pleading. ‘But there must have been signals, sir? Some hint of all this?’
‘Again, they are confidential. But there was a full report made to Admiralty.’ He looked away. ‘Includingone from the staff medical officer.’
Lindsay straightened his back, sickened. He recalled the bearded surgeon with the wife who could not stop eating. Kemp must have planned the whole thing. Must have worked on his first dislike which their meeting at Scapa had begun.
He remembered the midshipman’s voice when he had said, He’ll try and get his own back on you.
Or, maybe he had started it all himself when he had defended the boy at the dinner table. Had walked into the trap which he had sprung by his own carelessness.
In those dragging seconds he could even see the looming bulk of the Benbecula leaning against the piles in the bright sunlight. Now even she was being taken. That realisation most of all was more than he could bear.
‘Look, Lindsay, try not to take this too badly. The war is not going to end next week. And who knows, you’ll probably find new orders in England which will make all this seem like a bad dream.’
A bad dream. It seemed to linger in his mind. Perhaps someone aboard his own ship had made the first move. Had listened to his ravings as he relived the nightmare. Had recorded every small action or mood in order to destroy him.
He thrust out his hand. ‘I will leave now, sir.’ He met the other man’s troubled gaze. ‘I would not have been in your shoes for this. Thank you for trying to spare my feelings.’
The Chief of Staff smiled. ‘I have tried. But I feel like an executioner nonetheless. I only hope the men who pass through your hands appreciate what you will no doubt offer them.’
‘And what is that, sir?’
‘I am not going to indulge you with all the trite words of leadership and example.’ You’ll get plenty of those later.’ He sat down again, his eyes suddenly distant. ‘Give them the same sense of value, of belongingas you have to the old Benbecula. That’ll be more use than a room full of admirals.’
Lindsay picked up his cap and walked slowly to the door. It was over. For him and the ship.
He said, ‘I willl try to remember that. There will be plenty of time from now on.,
Outside, the flag-lieutenant handed him an envelope and said, ‘Here’s a brief rundown on appointments, sir. It will be all right to mention them to your people if you so wish.’
Lindsay walked through the building without another word. He got vague impressions of men at desks, the chatter of telephones and typewriters. A different sort of war. One he would soon be joining or watching from the sidelines.
He returned the salutes of two marine sentries and headed for the parked staff car.
He must hold on. Just long enough to reach his cabin. Hide, like Stannard and Maxwell. But he knew it was only a deception. For there was nowhere he could hide from himself.
Goss stood a few paces away from Lindsay’s desk, his face hidden while he listened to the neatly typed instructions.
‘So you will have the ship after all, NumberOne.’ Even as he said it Lindsay thought this bare fact was the only shred. of comfort which really affected him. ‘And with promotion, you should be well placed after the war with another shipping company when you may be competing with younger men.’
He did not know what he had expected. Goss’s silence was like something physical. He turned in his chair and asked, ‘Aren’t you pleased? I thought it was what you wanted?’